July 23rd, 2020
But when I feel some sort of suffering, it's a precious experience that only people who's felt it know! I'm having a precious experience! Lucky me! That's how I want to think. If you think like that, then all of life is entertainment.
I AM a masochist! (self-reporting)
Always thinking and saying how painful it is, but unable to stop creating. I'm seriously such a bizarre creature... What are you, a masochist?
It's been like this for all the years I've been doing it, and in fact, it gets more like that the more years I've been tackling music. When there's a song that I feel "succeeded," it becomes my rival, and I feel a lot of pressure...
The scariest thing about putting in time and effort isn't no one liking it, but not being able to make something you're pleased with yourself. But if you fear that, you'll get conservative and be even less able to make things you're pleased with, so it's super scary...
But I know if I ran, I'd never make any songs, and would only further berate myself for spending time not making anything... Ain't living hard?
Somebody help me.
Until I can get the conviction after progressing enough of "this is a good song!", I feel like I'm gonna die from unease, it's so exhausting, I wanna escape.
Why can people not concentrate?
I, who was full of vigor to make a song one hour ago, am now lying down on a yoga mat.
For some reason I cry listening to this.
[Cute Big Band Jazz] Cat and Balloons feat. Miku Hatsune - OSTER project
I'm streaming all the details of making songs. I'm fully nude! :love hotel:
I'll try to get a concept down today so I can stream tomorrow!
I wanna start making another new song today...