I read this no less than three times and even if it is some bizarre old in-joke, I don't get it at all.
It's impossible to tell from this, but this is a several-second loop of something that very vaguely resembles a really simple Base Attack Puzzle level. Product placement!
So maybe they're just supposed to be nonsensical and dumb? Well, if there's one thing we know how to make, it's nonsensical and dumb characters!
Get it, it's a skull and crossbones. Anyway we can't go to
(If you try, you just die when you hit the bottom of the screen.)
Something named "NewBoss"
This place introduces timed switches. You hit the red one then hurry and press the blue one before the red one unswitches then get through the door before the blue one unswitches. Pretty sure you die if you get stuck in the door.
OH NO STUCK BEHIND THIS DOOR CURSE YOU BAD LEVEL DESIGN oh wait what's this discolored block doing here.
These secret rooms are the most clever things in the universe.
You ready? Jump as far as you can!
Wait, who was that? Wow, what a very clear and very strange dream! (No, Sue's portrait doesn't actually appear, but that line does.)
Dodging ball-and-chains in a narrow area with moving platforms is super rad.
Useless signs no one could actually see in reality are the best kind.
Continuity error since I died and wasn't quite sure the first time around, but you know what's great? For absolutely no logical reason, the timed doors close when you switch characters. What you're supposed to do here is just switch to Pilid and go through, but instead you have to do things twice to both hit the switch and get out as Pilid.
Also, I'm really not sure where that bug came from, especially since I doubt I touched the time doors after testing this area.
Good to know. Apparently this was the only guy we were saving and Belvice went to the Abyss to summon the Seven AA. BUT HOW DO WE GET THERE?
Sounds good to me. I have the world record in Spacin'jooglers.
Man, this is easy! Those silly Spacin'jooglers move so slow!
WAIT WHAT WHY ARE MY SHOTS BOUNCING OFF NOOOOO
But if you don't have an umbrella, you can't be inspired to write Hatsune Miku songs.
Man, Bovoos is truly a cinematic masterpiece, and I think I was mostly responsible for those parts. I should make Metal Gear Solid or something.
The Joogle Bros. - Old Temples (by Mitchell_XD)
Guys, it's dark, I'm scared.
I'm especially scared of this Scorpino who's flipping back and forward and got stuck in my way.
Of course, AFTER I talked to this guy, he got free and started unleashing his lasery wrath. (Which I swear was visible in this screenshot but I guess not.)
I sure wish I was Wario or something so I could smash through these blocks. Or Raishuu* so I could flip my gravity. Except that game didn't actually have sideways gravity.
It's a GOLD TURRET!! They shoot you even if you're far away and faster. As if regular ones weren't annoying enough (well the regular ones aren't very harmful but still).
Belvice is the least threatening villain ever. It's probably because he's a Joogle.
Cave Story - Running Hell
SHAKE YOUR MONITOR.
This sure is exciting and Hell-ish.
Oh boy, red crows. Because regular ones weren't fast enough, annoying enough, or abused enough.
And apparently it's impossible to go back up to start the platform without getting hit!
And I think that, because there's no Joogle switcher, it's possible to get stuck and save with low enough health to only survive one hit. And the crows respawn whenever you reload. Pinnacle of game design.
Guess I better go down!
What's this? Some kind of... tunnel? Dug by some kind of... mole?
PREPARE FOR INTENSE CUTSCENE SUMMARY
Aw, what a cute little mole. Oh, he hit something. It made a beeping sound.
EXPLOSION THAT'S A BIG MOLE AND HE'S SCURRYING OFF WITH OUR EARTH KEY
Now, I know you've all been looking forward to seeing a video of how hard Attack Mole is (it's certainly moreso than Ballos). Alas, since making the SS Belvice video, I have become a YouTube Superstar™. I am thus afraid such a video would entail losing many subscribers who would have never suspected I had helped make such an awful game.
So instead, you will get this animated GIF.
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door - Magnus Von Grapple
PREPARE FOR INTENSE BOSS SUMMARY
There's a rockapillar that continuously goes around the edge of the room in a circle.
Attack Mole jumps in I think three different ways:
- Digging along the bottom
- From a side upward, falling and digging down around the center
- From a side sideways, then bouncing on the side walls and digging down
At about 50% health, the fireballs shoot their own fireballs at you.
At about 25% health, they shoot their own fireballs in both directions, and I think these fireballs shoot some fireballs too.
Anyway, I had considerably less trouble when I didn't have to remember to press the screenshot button every once in a while.
(Also, it's pretty much impossible to catch especially since I forgot about it, but after he loses all his life and finishes his current attack, Attack Mole dives down into the ground at hyper-speed and explodes.)
We fall down a pit and of course Surn is here to annoy us about our journay.
The Earth Key makes us VIOLENTLY AGGRESSIVE against cracked blocks.
Also, swimming in lava, which I could swear has better controls than swimming in water somehow?
So we're back here in this tunnel before Attack Mole, but now some debris at the start is gone. Perfectly sensible.
MECHA-BLAGONS. They fire out these bombs-that-look-nothing-like-bombs directly up and they fall down.
Oh, how tricksy - if you make the blocks toward the right fall, they block your path to a Star Egg! Of course if you fall for this there's actually a health refill next to the egg so you can just dive into the laser anyway.
That sky sure looks evil, but this music is so funky.
Runescape - Romper Chomper
OH MY GOD A DIFFERENT COLOR OF TEXTBOX. Oh, and a talking magical key.
I think I'll let this whole area speak for itself.
And then the Earth Key is like "okay, okay, we'll shut up now," but I forgot to screenshot it. So we're almost to Belvice's Castle! Which means it's...
Some random guy - Exploring Beyond
So... what, like a keychain?
Yes, this is basically the tutorial in reverse with a ton of enemies and spikes added. Brilliant!
Oh no! There are BOXES in my way!
I'll ask this large cat on a skateboard to help.
OH NO LASER EYES ACTIVATED
That flower's getting pretty big.
KNIFEWINGS (and no I don't know why Pate is all badly-scaled)
BOSS: PATE AND VARGIE
Ristar - Crazy Kings (again)
Pate (the cat) jumps around and alternatingly shoots tri-shots of fire and a semi-homing laser shot.
Vargie goes back and forward shooting quad-shots of knives. It's somehow not visible in any of the screenshots, but he's usually pretty high up and only hittable with some Air Key-ing.
Also, this boss is actually probably harder than Belvice and you're forced to use Pilid, although Joogle's slowness would probably suck anyway.
After you beat Pate, he and his skateboard fall off the screen and Vargie comes down for easier hitting, but then fires a heck of a lot more knives.
Yeah, like that many.
There we go, that's a better shot that includes Pate too. He looks like he's doing such a sick trick on that skateboard.
BACK INTO THE EARTH FROM WHENCE IT CAME
Aw, we thought someone might want to buy items. How cute.