Let's Play Golden Sun The Lost Age: Chapter 2 + 5

Yeah, because tying a rope with psychic powers is so hard.

The jerk kid comes over and the other jerk kid meets him and they talk about being unable to catch a critter and we don't really care. At least, until we're inevitably forced to care, which is likely.

Oh wait, but it's just a Djinni. We chase it for a while but it's pretty fast.

Djinn hate fire unless they are fire, so pushing this pillar where it is stops it. We fight and we win.

Oh, great.

Well he's not a very good Dread Pirate Roberts then.

Hey, Alex. We need to go to Madra. Or so he says.

Alex works alone. Except whenever he works with Ricardo and Mirandi, which I thought was all the time? Dangersun.

Don't be hasty, Sheba. You must know the importance of picking out a nice boat.

I haven't seen "tiles that crack when you step on them" before, have you?

There's another Djinni chase scene and DEAR GOD DJINN CAN USE PSYCHIC POWERS WE'RE DOOMED.

(wait vg isn't that the whole point of djinn) Look, you try being all-powerful without using them at all and not forget about little details like that.

We finally run into it in a room full of cracked tiles. If we try to walk up to it... it Pounds the tile we're on and we fall. Well, great. What we actually have to do is get up to the cliff above him and fall down a hole directly onto it, which makes it drop its Pound Cube. That's just simple geometry.

We get out of this place and find a shore with a ship on it. Apparently it's Ricardo and Mirandi's.

Wouldn't it be great if there was an RPG with a game-long MacGuffin that everyone just had to call the "thingie" because they didn't know what it was? Golden Sun The Lost Age, you're not supposed to be inspiring me to come up with better plots for RPGs. Anyway we decide we can't really use this ship, but since nothing was accomplished by coming here we'll obviously be back.

In Madra we hear about some guys who invaded trying to get back Dread Pirate Briggs. Again, not a very good one.

This guy was kidnapped in the raid or something and is all like "YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY" and freezes a puddle that just happens to be under this guard. We go out of the prison and some girl tells us to go to Osenia. No, really, I'm pretty much just going where people tell me to go.

We JUST SO HAPPEN to be able to cross here thanks to the shipwreck. Wow. Well, actually, this is just the path to a chest and the real path across doesn't involve the shipwreck, but still.

We go into a desert. We pound some stakes. We pound some stakes to make an underground scorpion come out of the ground. We eventually fight it. Whee.

And we get this. Old-school scoops. We go back and find a secret passage by scooping out sand.

Why, this sand under the land is shifting so fast, it carries me with it! It's like some kind of... Rainbow Ride!

No really this desert is pretty boring. At least Gary isn't constantly complaining about his skin melting off like the desert in the last game.

In Alfreda or something (I would really use the correct name but it's hard to spell and I can't be bothered to check), some guys talk about Briggs. Apparently they want a boat too? But apparently they're out of boats, much less nice ones. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Yep. Anyway, we go to the shipyard and the mast is broken and covered with junk, and each piece of junk is gone through one by one and it's really obvious we have to get rid of all of it.

Wait, what? Wasn't the boat I took to Colosso a "sailing" ship? Not that this concept SHOULD be new or fantastic but really.

Wait, never mind, Felix wasn't on that ship, AAAAD was. But yeah.

We walk in on Briggs talking with a guy about how he doesn't think they should be called pirates even though they're extremely piratey and Briggs even uses "arrr" a few times to prefix sentences.

Jenny gets mad about Briggs being like "WE ONLY STEAL A FEW THINGS NO ONE WILL NOTICE" (PS. This scene is an allegory for software pirates). Briggs hears her and Kraden is all like "WELL I DIDN'T WANT IT TO COME TO THIS BUT NOW YOU'VE BROUGHT DOWN THE THUNDER... GO GET HIM FELIX." Yeah, shut up, Kraden.

Aw, don't worry, Briggs. You're still the King of Limbo in our hearts.

I love it when Golden Sun gives me names I don't have to constantly typo to make funny. Anyway she explains that Briggs isn't so bad because he's only stealing to feed the people of Champa, which I forgot to mention is the name of Briggs's village and is up there with "Chaucha."

The mayors of the two towns Briggs raided through come down and there's a pretty long conversation that's pretty much completely worthless. Come on, go back to Briggs so I can make more King of Limbo jokes. Briggs accepts jailtime because his wife tells him to and tells the mayors that the guy in jail, Piers, wasn't one of his men and is innocent, so that's cool.

This is Briggs's son, Eoleo. Really. I kind of wish these guys actually showed up later. Then again, in this scene Eoleo tries to grab the key on the table for some reason with PSYCHIC POWERS, so maybe there's hope?

Upon Mind Reading Briggs, he's apparently planning on having Eoleo use his powers to get him out of jail. Oh, you.

While somehow not being able to find the town where Piers was I find another exit from the desert that leads to Air's Rock. It has a bunch of rocks that turbocharge Sheba's Whirlwind to make it cut through solid... sand. Or, you know, blow away. But we all know which of those sounds cooler, and when you're psychic, it's all about sounding cool.

Why can't I beat you, Air's Rock? I try to climb, but tornados always get in my way. (These weird statue head things are firing tornados that carry us over gaps. No real reason.)

Air's Rock has a lot of puzzles.

A LOT of puzzles. Most of them involve pushing vertical logs and pounding posts. Yawn. There's one where you shoot hyper tornadoes to turn a spinning platform in the center, but eh.

Sheba gets Reveal yay she's even more like Ivan now. That took way too long, seriously.

In Garoh, we find the most adorable (and by adorable I mean badly sprited and thus rather mouse-like) werewolf ever. Oh but Kraden calls him a "lycanthrope" so he won't get sued or something but you all know what I think about Kraden. Not to mention the term is never mentioned again after this scene.

Uhhh. You stop asking questions like that, Jenny.

Kraden, you're small-time!

We run into a less stupid looking werewolf who can actually talk but we have to explain that we're Adepts to him like everyone else on the planet.

I was going to make a joke about Sonic, but I'm sure you can come up with a better one. Also they're talking about how weird werewolves are for changing shape.

By the end of this game (or series?), Kraden better realize this is in no way true, or at least not in a way worth bragging about. Or else I will not be satisfied.

Kraden and wolfy talk about all the stuff we already knew about Vale and Mt. Aleph and they mention something about the strong winds at Air's Rock blowing the psychic power of some stone to Garoh. What? Okay.

Anyway, we've gotten sidetracked. Time to go get Piers from the jail. All we have to do is go back through the desert and -


Chapter 3 + 5