How I Went Sliding After A High School Girl
Another 2ch love story posted March 2012. Buckle up, it's gonna be a long slide. I mean ride.
——
I don't have everything written up, so I'll be posting slowly.
All right, let's do this!
It was six years ago now.
I was off work, so I went drinking with a friend, and we were walking around looking for a bar.
And while walking, we sighted a high school girl.
Ooh, miniskirt...
Friend: "Dude, not at this time of night!"
Me: "Haha, yeah, I guess..."
Friend: "You oughta be punished!"
We were pretty drunk - in a good way - and we were being totally immature.
Me: "Whatcha gonna do?"
Friend: "I'm gonna do this!"
Then my friend took off running...
I watched him, thinking "What the hell's he doing?"
And I saw my friend slide head-first toward the girl, stopping about three meters behind.
But the girl didn't notice, keeping on toward the train station.
My friend and I locked eyes.
He was telling me with his look: "Now you do it."
Well, alcohol is a scary thing. I couldn't stop my legs in time.
The next moment, I was mid-slide, flying into the girl's fat thighs, and my eyes saw heaven.
Indeed, I really was in heaven at that moment.
Naturally, the girl turned around at this.
We made eye contact with me still in sliding position.
Me: "Uh, hi. Cold out, huh?"
#2ch
omfg
#2ch
That's gotta hurt...
The girl started running without a word.
Perhaps she had never in her life had such a bizarrely uncomfortable weekend.
Deciding not to chase after her, we stood up ready to go our separate ways when a voice came from behind.
"You boys got a second?"
A wild policeman appears!
Me: "N-No we do not."
Police: "What were you two doing?"
Friend: "Practicing our sliding!"
Police: "At people? Let's take this to the station, shall we?"
After plenty of lecturing and waiting around, we were able to return home.
#2ch
Was it on concrete or what?
I wasn't sure if it was concrete or a slippery tile. (It was the latter.)
Which is why I slid further than expected and things ended up that way. Yes.
Well, a drunken mishap is quickly forgotten.
The next day, we had forgotten all about the high school girl and were back at work.
Then, the next weekend after sliding at the girl.
I was taking a break at a cafe with my girlfriend at the time.
A server appeared with my coffee.
Server: "Here you a... ah."
Me: "Huh?"
Server: "The Sliding Man..."
Me: "Wh..."
Girlfriend: "Sliding Man...?"
This was an unfortunate development.
If there's a God, he must be a very sadistic fellow.
While my girlfriend was trying to figure out the situation, I silently indicated to the high school girl that this was not the time.
Me: "(Ugh, it was just a one-night mess-up...)"
I'm not sure if she got the message or not, but she put down the coffee and left us.
Then things got troublesome.
Girlfriend: "Hey, what's this Sliding Man business?"
Me: "O-Oh? Well, surely they've mistaken me for someone else?"
Girlfriend: "You always take on that tone when you're hiding something from me..."
Me: "C'mon, no I don't!"
Girlfriend: "Do you think I'm daft?"
I was trapped in endless questions.
And my girlfriend laid them out with perfect composure.
Then began the public execution of going to apologize to the high school girl.
We've always been taught since we were young to apologize when we do something bad, so why does it get so much harder as we grow up...?
However, the cafe was clearly very crowded that day.
So I got off the hook after promising I'd apologize whenever I saw her again.
Said girlfriend dumped me a few months later, incidentally...
Found someone else, she said.
Probably started looking around once the sliding thing came up...
Sliding can be destructive even to your best relationships.
Don't try this at home, kids. ☆
Now, I didn't just scrap the idea of apologizing to the girl.
So I went to the cafe from time to time hoping to see her, but I never did.
I think around that point, my objective of apologizing changed to a desire to simply talk to her straight.
So eventually I gave up, since really I didn't even know her.
One day, I went to a restaurant with my friend for lunch.
Friend: "Still haven't seen that girl again, huh?"
Me: "Enough of that! Making it sound like she broke up with me..."
Friend: "Wow, we've got a blame-shifter."
Me: "Hey, you're the one who..."
We carried on the conversation, laughter building between us.
Friend: "Next time you meet, you gotta ask her number!"
Me: "I hope we don't! Plus maybe this time I'd get arrested for real!"
Friend: "It's totally fate, man!"
Me: "Doubt it, I don't even remember her face!"
Then a voice from a nearby seat at the restaurant caught our attention.
"Wonder what happened to that Sliding Man guy?"
The air got suddenly heavy.
Friend: "Oh... my... GOD!"
Guy was really enjoying himself...
#2ch
It really must be fate...
Friend: "Back and to your right! Go!"
Me: "Oh, gimme a break."
Friend: "Looks like there's two. Want me to go with you?"
Me: "You scared?"
Friend: "I got this!"
My friend stood up.
I wondered if I'd see the girl if I looked back there.
Friend: "I'm the Sliding Man's best bud! Got some time?"
Seriously...?
Listening to the situation unfold behind me, I downed my drink.
I was sweating like crazy.
I just wished there was someone else in the world being called the Sliding Man.
Friend: "Hey, Sliding Man! C'mon over! Last chance!"
My friend came back holding his head and smiling all over.
And at his side was the friend the girl had been eating with.
Is this what they mean by moving too quick?
#2ch
The... Sliding... Man...
#2ch
And to think, your friend did the first slide, she just didn't notice, haha... Cool story so far, bro.
Just about at the point of not caring anymore, I turned around.
Behind me was the high school girl, no doubt.
She was hanging her head with a really worried look.
As if to tell me to get on with it, my friend went over to her friend and started friendly conversation.
I was more or less forced to get out of my seat and go toward the girl.
Me: "Excuse me... I'm the Sliding Man..."
Girl: "Ah, hi..."
She faintly smiled at me.
Well, I'm not really sure since she was hanging her head.
But I was glad about it.
At least I was proud to be the Sliding Man this one time.
I figured this would be my only chance to apologize.
If I was going to do it, it had to be now.
Me: "I'm really sorry about that incident!"
Girl: "Aha, it's fine...! It's just been something to laugh about, really!"
I was intrigued to hear I had become a small part of the girl's conversation topics.
It almost made me feel like I had made a real contribution to society. For some reason.
More importantly, her smile was really cute, haha...
She had a typical pretty face, but it looked so innocent when she smiled.
Me: "Wow, well... In that case, do it again?"
Girl: "No, please don't."
Me: "Alright, alright..."
I was worried that she had cut me off, but then she broke the ice.
Girl: "Oh, right, what happened with that girl you came to the cafe with? Your girlfriend?"
Me: "Ah, well, things happened between us, and..."
Girl: "She dumped you?"
Me: "Yes... I suppose she couldn't stand having the Sliding Man as a boyfriend..."
Girl: "Hahaha... I figured as much..."
What a wicked-tongued high school girl... What is this, an H game?
#2ch
Do a sliding apology next time?
Me: "Could you tell me your name?"
Girl: "Ehh, I dunno if I wanna tell the Sliding Man..."
Me: "Oof..."
On one hand, my friend was behind me, getting her friend's number.
On the other, this high school girl was being a little devil to me.
Girl: "Haha, just kidding! Call me Misaki! (Like Misaki Itou, see...)"
Me: "My name's..."
Girl (henceforth Misaki): "Nah, tell me next time! For now, we'll go with Slideman."
Me: "Had to shorten it, huh..."
What? The Sliding Man is evolving!
Congratulations! Your Sliding Man evolved into Slideman!
...Hm? W-Wait a second, WHAT next time?
Slideman
Me: "There's a next time...?"
Misaki: "Well, if we happen to randomly meet like this again! Tell me your name then!
And if we don't see each other, then that'll be that."
Me: "R-Right then!"
Slideman felt a strange sense of maturity brewing within him.
Misaki: "Well, see ya, Slideman!"
Misaki left with her friend without me ever asking her number.
Friend: "The hell, you didn't get her number?"
Me: "Never mind number, I didn't even get to tell her my name..."
Friend: "Yeah, but you're Slideman now! Back to work, Slideman!"
My friend's kept calling me Slideman ever since that day. All six years.
The days go by so fast...
Slideman
Apparently the events of the day filled my friend's mind with high school girls and dates.
But he was just getting on my nerves with all his antics.
All I was thinking about was how I would be able to meet Misaki again.
Just going to the cafe would surely be one way.
But that almost wouldn't be fair.
I felt like it would be meaningless if it wasn't truly by chance.
Thinking of it that way, it wasn't about if we could or couldn't meet - I was depending on the chance that we would or wouldn't meet.
In this way, I kept going around in circles.
About three months passed since we met at the restaurant.
Ever since my student days, I had occasionally gone to the station to play an acoustic guitar.
So one day, I decided I'd go home to get my guitar, and went back to the station.
I still don't know if it was just impulsive or if I was hoping to be noticed, but I think it might have been the latter.
Slideman
I think I sang "The Singer's Ballad"...
But I know for a fact it was laughably bad.
Most people just gave me a glance before passing by, but around ten people did stop to listen, forming a crowd.
Once I was done, after a few thanks, the crowd dissipated.
"Yo!"
A girl in uniform came walking up from a distance.
It was definitely Misaki. And even if it wasn't, I would've wanted to think that.
Me: "Huh?"
Misaki: "Not bad, Slideman!"
Me: "Ahem, the name's [OP]!"
Misaki: "Gosh, that was quick... Alright, [OP], I'll remember that!"
Felt like I had jumped the gun a little...
Misaki: "So, was that Singer's Ballad supposed to be directed at somebody?"
Me: "N-Not necessarily, no..."
Misaki: "It couldn't be... for me?"
Me: "I just told you..."
Misaki: "C'mon, you know I was just kidding!"
I wondered when the relationship ended up with Misaki on top.
She must've stayed away from me thinking I was some scary degenerate.
Slideman
Misaki: "Really, though, I didn't expect to see you again."
Me: "Must be fate, right?"
Misaki: "Haha, no doubt..."
Me: "How old are you, anyway? If you've gotta go, I can protect you!"
Misaki: "Seventeen, but not like it matters to you, OP!"
Misaki misread the question a bit, it seems.
Misaki: "Well, now that I'm here, play me another song! Then I'll tell you my number."
Me: "...Any requests?"
I'd like to give my past self a little lecture on pride...
But hey, a good adult gives an effort for the kids.
Misaki: "Slideman's Theme!"
Me: "Uh, that exists?"
Misaki: "Make it up! Hahaha... Oh, fine, I'll let you off with See-Saw Game!"
I'd played it before, so I tried to remember how it went and played.
Slideman
Man... I'm tired.
I'll do a little more then go to bed.
Misaki: "Well, I'm gonna go soon. Oh, here's my number. I'll answer if I feel like it!"
Me: "If you feel like it, pfft... Get outta here, and be careful!"
Misaki: "Aw, won't I be lonely?"
Me: "Ha, you'll be fine..."
Looking a little sulky, Misaki went home.
I gathered up my stuff to go too, and looked at the slip of paper Misaki'd given me.
It looked to be a home phone.
Gotta be kidding me...
Making it hard for me, are you? What do I do if her parents answer?
This didn't make me want to call at all.
Slideman
I kept glaring at the slip of paper even once I got home.
I eventually gave up on the idea of calling her for any particular reason.
And I kept telling myself, call later, call later, making no progress.
About a week went by like this.
Then I got a call from an unknown number and answered with suspicion.
Me: "Hello?"
Misaki: "Why haven't you been calling?"
I instantly knew it was Misaki's voice.
Apparently she had gotten my number from my friend at the restaurant.
Me: "Um, well, it's a home phone..."
Misaki: "And here I had faith the Slideman would call me..."
I was again demoted to Slideman.
Me: "It'd be awkward if your family answered..."
Misaki: "Oh, I guess. What are your plans for today?"
Me: "Nothing, once work's over..."
Misaki: "Then I'll see you south of the station after work!"
And she hung up.
Misaki sounded sullen the whole time, but the delight of knowing we were going to meet up outweighed wondering if something was wrong.
Slideman
Excited, I finished up work and headed to the south side of the station.
I even went as far as going to the car wash during lunch break...
My beat-up old Nissan Sunny sure seemed glad for that.
Around 7 PM, I parked by the station and called Misaki.
Misaki soon came jogging up and got in the passenger's seat.
Misaki: "This is one low truck, don't you think?"
Me: "Eh, maybe... So, somewhere you wanna go?"
Misaki: "Not especially! Just drive!"
Yeah, that wasn't easy for me...
I drove along a little hill by the coast so we could see the night sky.
Personally, I think I made an excellent choice.
We didn't talk about anything special along the way.
It was just harmless stuff, like our hobbies.
Slideman
We ate some boxed lunches we'd bought at a convenience store in the back of the truck, looking at the night sky.
It was near the beginning of autumn, and I remember the breeze being nice.
Misaki: "I gotta say, this is pretty nice..."
Me: "High school girls have taste too, eh?"
Misaki: "I dunno, it's kind of romantic! It'd be perfect if I didn't have Slideman next to me!"
Me: "Pfft, yeah..."
Misaki: "Um..."
Me: "Hm?"
Misaki: "What'd you slide at me for?"
Even if I did have a reason for it, could there be any reason other than a kid playing baseball and diving for the next base?
Was sliding toward a high school girl, wanting to get near her fat thighs, something the world would approve of?
Me: "W-Well, I wanted to get near your thighs..."
Misaki: "THAT'S why?"
Me: "Think I overdid it, then?"
Misaki: "Well, I was pretty freaked!"
Me: "Sorry..."
Misaki: "But I guess that's not so bad..."
Me: "Huh?"
Sunny, I'm sorry.
I could hold it in until now, but to make out in the back of you had always been my dream.
No, but really, Misaki's statement was making me think ridiculous things like that.
Slideman
I'm at my limit. I'm going to bed.
If the thread is still up when work's over, I'll keep posting.
If it dies, well, that's that...
Thanks for staying with me so far! Good night.
Slideman
I'm up.
Thanks for bumping the thread!
I've got time until work, so I'll post what I can.
Specs:
Me:
26 (as of the story)
180 cm/70 kg
Maybe Takumi Saito would look like me if he was way worse-off...
Who else do you want?
You can slide if you want to, but I don't want any criminals coming out of this thread...
Don't tell anyone I told you to, okay?!
Slideman
Me: "Don't tease the old guy!"
Misaki: "Aww, but it's fun..."
Now was my only chance.
Now was my only chance.
Incredibly desperate, and now was my only chance.
Before I knew it, I was on Misaki.
Peeping at the thighs of high school girls and sexing them. A fine criminal I was.
But Misaki stayed where she was.
Me: "U-Um..."
Misaki: "Now you've done it, Slideman..."
Me: "A-Are you mad...?"
Misaki: "I hate your old-guy smell!"
Me: "I'm sorry..."
Slideman
Misaki: "Even though you're Slideman..."
Me: "Hm?"
Misaki: "Even though you're Slideman..."
Misaki started weeping.
I was panicked, not sure what to do.
Misaki: "How can you go as far as this, but not say anything to me?"
Me: "S-Slideman l-likes you..."
I said, stuttering terribly.
But it was a full-on confession.
Misaki: "Yeah, I know. So what?"
What manner of demon was this...
Slideman
I felt like something snapped inside me.
Me: "Don't tell me "So what?"!
If you know I like you, then you should understand!
Shut up and date me, please..."
I hardly ever get angry, so the last part kind of petered out...
Misaki: "Pfft... So you say..."
Misaki suddenly laughed.
I have to ask you guys, how do girls change their mood so fast?
Tell me, oh sexy ones.
Me: "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!"
Misaki: "Well, you're not just a degenerate to me.
No matter what, I'll like you still, Slideman!"
What manner of angel was this...
Slideman
Misaki: "OP, I'd gladly date you if you want!"
Me: "Sorry if I've been rude, but thank you!"
Misaki: "Oh, come on, that should be my line!"
And so I ended up dating Misaki.
I was absolutely delighted.
Me: "Man, it's 9 already. Better send you home."
Misaki: "Nah, it's fine, I don't have a curfew or anything..."
Me: "No, really. I don't wanna get arrested..."
Misaki: "Well, let's go to Slideman's house!"
Me: "To my house..."
Breaking off the conversation, Misaki got in the car and put on her seatbelt.
For the moment, I drove back to a road in front of the station where I hoped to dissuade her.
I should have been elated, but I just didn't feel cheery at all.
Slideman
My dissuading at the station didn't work out, naturally.
I could have arguably left her there, but I didn't dare, so I started driving us home.
Well, maybe she doesn't want to go back home...
I've felt that way before too, after all...
That's what I wanted to think, but it didn't seem right.
But I felt it was important not to show that for my own safety.
Misaki: "Whoa, it's... a regular old apartment!"
Me: "Guys can get on fine living alone..."
It really was just a one-room apartment.
Me: "Uhhh, now what?"
Compared to Misaki idling around on my bed, I just couldn't calm down.
Misaki: "Whatcha mean by that?
Want me to take a shower?"
Me: "I don't mean that..."
Misaki: "Pfft, coward...
Well, let's just talk!"
#2ch
The thread title made me lawl.
Slideman
Misaki: "What's your family like, Slideman?"
Me: "Sounds like a marriage interview now..."
Misaki: "I'm asking, so tell me!"
I recall Misaki had a very serious look.
Like she was hesitating to look right at me.
Me: "Just a regular dad and regular mom, and an estranged brother."
Misaki: "Estranged?"
Me: "Yeah, well, hell if I know where he is.
Still not sure what you're trying to get at with the question..."
Misaki: "Sounds nice... I wish I had Slideman's family..."
It felt like I was almost getting to the heart of matters, but not quite.
And it was hard to determine whether I should've been doing that or not.
But I was too impatient to just wait.
Me: "What's yours like, Misaki?"
Misaki: "I live with my big sister.
Though she's so distant she feels more like a visitor than family..."
Half-smiling, a tear fell from Misaki's eye.
Just what had you done now, Slideman...
Slideman
Me: "Just a visitor...?"
Misaki: "No, really...
My sister is always dragging guys home.
Things never seem to settle down around there..."
My chest hurt.
I had picked up that she didn't want to go home, but at the same time I knew I couldn't do much about it.
Misaki: "I'm not gonna give you a sob story saying I want love or anything...
I'm just saying I want to be with you, Slideman.
So I'd like you to be with me, if that's fine with you."
I thought it absurd that I had only a while ago been thinking more about my own safety.
Well, if she didn't think it was so odd when I slid after her, it felt like anything would be fair game now.
Me: "We're going. I'll get out the car, you tell me where your place is."
Misaki: "That was sudden... I guess you'll man up if I provide the opportunity?"
Me: "Please..."
Unconsciously, I grabbed Misaki's hand and took her into the car.
Slideman
I didn't know what to talk about in the car, so I just replied to Misaki as she guided me.
Her place was surprisingly close, less than a ten minute drive.
We arrived, and man, it was a really fancy apartment.
Was she a princess, too?
Misaki: "You're really going?"
Me: "Yeah."
Misaki: "My sister might have a guy over..."
Me: "Huh?"
That's bad.
Misaki: "Hey, don't do it..."
Me: "When I've come this far?"
Slideman may not have much pride, but he has backbone.
He's not going to care what her sister's up to!
Taking along the hesitant Misaki, she led me to her room and opened the door.
I was first of all relieved not to hear anyone around.
Slideman
But, probably hearing the door opening, her sister came in from another room.
Well, I'd been determined coming this far, but I was really unsure what to do now.
Misaki's Sis: "Boyfriend?"
Me: "Ah, hello. I'm the Sliding Man."
Misaki's Sis: "Buh?"
I slipped, hard.
I slipped even more than I had while sliding toward Misaki.
Which is to say Misaki's sister was more normal than I expected, so I got hasty.
Me: "Excuse me, I'm OP, and I've been dating Misaki."
Misaki's Sis: "So what are you here for?"
Her sister replied with some clear disgust.
Misaki was clinging to my sleeves behind me.
Me: "I just thought we should talk.
Is it all right if I let Misaki stay at my place for a while?"
Misaki's Sis: "What ARE you going on about?
Misaki, you don't stay quiet back there either!"
I thought I was gonna pee myself.
Slideman
Misaki: "I don't want to live here anymore..."
Misaki's Sis: "So you found a guy to leech off of?"
Misaki: "That's not it!"
A true sister's quarrel had begun.
I didn't move or say a thing.
Misaki's Sis: "I don't care where the hell you live, but I won't give a damn if you come back crying either!
Now get your ass out of here!"
In hysterics, her sister pushed us out of the doorway.
Me: "Then you'll find Misaki where you find me!"
Finally stating it, it was so.
But I felt it left a really bad aftertaste saying it.
Slideman
Misaki: "Not bad, Slideman. That was pretty cool."
Me: "Eh?"
In which Slideman is kissed by a high school girl.
For the first time, I felt the sensation of time stopping.
Young girls sure have soft lips, huh...
Misaki: "Your reward?"
Me: "You spoil me..."
Maybe it was because our tension had loosened up, but we talked a lot on the way back.
Though of course, the kiss added another kind of tension...
Me: "So what about your changes of clothes and things?"
Misaki: "They're all at home. But we can go shopping tomorrow!"
Me: "Once work's over, sure!"
I felt like we'd skipped over a bunch of steps, but I was excited about the life that was beginning.
We still weren't done talking by the time we got home.
The sweaters I always wore were too baggy for Misaki, which we laughed over.
Even though I had work tomorrow, we talked all the way until morning.
We hesitated to sleep together just yet, so Misaki slept on the bed, and I on the sofa.
Slideman
I was woken up by Misaki shaking me.
I wasn't sure if it was a dream or reality...
Misaki: "Breakfast's ready!"
It was just regular toast and instant coffee, yet it tasted so delicious.
Love is the ultimate taste-adder, I suppose...
Soon enough, it was time to leave the house.
Me: "Well, I've gotta get going.
Make sure you go to school!"
Misaki: "Right, see you.
Oh, wait!"
Me: "Hm?"
Kiss total: 2.
Yes, even a goodbye kiss.
I again doubted I wasn't still dreaming.
I wondered if hugging Misaki was a dream, too.
#2ch
Wonder if I should give my wife a kiss before work every day...
Slideman
Can't beat sleepiness... Gonna sleep now.
I'll write more when I find time.
I'll get up early. Thanks for reading so far!
^ Well, that's bound to motivate you for the day...
And I'm sure she'd appreciate it too!
Slideman
Good morning.
Finally, we've got a good warm spring feeling.
Again, I'll post until work.
Slideman
Life changed to a more shocking extent than even I expected.
First of all, my room got a little cleaner, and... brighter?
Oh, and really nice-smelling...
When I got home from work, Misaki would be waiting with a meal.
She would sometimes go over to friend's houses, but she'd always be home by the time I got back.
We went to lots of places together on the weekends.
I celebrated her birthday, and participated in her school events. (As a guardian, that is...)
Sometimes I would visit Misaki's sister to tell her she was doing well, but she was always out, or pretending to be.
Other than that, everything went great. They were truly happy days.
Misaki became a third-year, and curious about her plans, I casually asked her.
Slideman
Me: "What're your plans after high school?"
Misaki: "That's a seeecret!"
Me: "Hey, but really..."
I was thinking it would be good if she went to college.
I'd feel really guilty otherwise, as if I were keeping Misaki locked up in my house.
Misaki: "Geez... I'll get a job!"
Me: "What about college? Do you want to go?"
Misaki: "Seriously, what's all this... Sounds suspicious! Did you cheat on me?"
Me: "No, no..."
Hmm. Woman's intuition is really impressive.
Misaki: "I mean, I'm smart enough to go, and I've got money.
But I don't care about going to college. I just want to be with Slideman.
That's what makes me happiest! ...Heehee, that sounded stupid..."
I couldn't say anything in response to that.
But I couldn't get her to tell me where she was hoping to work.
Slideman
Once winter came, Misaki had seemingly decided where she would work.
It moved me to think the girl I slid after at the train station was becoming a working adult.
It also pained me to think the footsteps of turning thirty myself were drawing near.
And at the end of February.
I went to Misaki's graduation to see her last moment as a high school girl.
Misaki: "Gonna be two years since we've met soon, huh?"
Me: "So long to the high school life..."
Misaki: "You won't slide at me anymore?"
Me: "Once in a lifetime is enough for me!"
We reminisced on the way.
The ceremony went without a hitch, but I saw a familiar face among the seats.
We made eye contact for an instant, then they left as if running away.
It had definitely been Misaki's sister.
Slideman
As I was thinking about how I wanted to talk to her, the ceremony ended and I was overwhelmed by Misaki and her friends.
I figured she wanted to relax with her friends today, so I left her a quick word and left the school.
Coming home, I was alone for the first time in a while.
I think Misaki came home before midnight.
Me: "Welcome home. And congrats again!"
Misaki: "Seems like my sister came, too."
Me: "Ah, yeah. I saw her. But then she left..."
Misaki: "I got an email shortly after graduation.
It said "Give my regards to Mr. Sliding Man"..."
I jumped with joy at this apparent approval.
I didn't care if the people below heard thumping.
Slideman
In spring, my work was getting new recruits here and there.
Since I basically did field work, I was busy leading the new guys.
Friend: "You're sure in a corner now..."
Me: "Huh?"
Friend: "Don't play dumb!"
Me: "What the hell are you talking about?"
I was confused, having no clue what he had suddenly started talking about.
Friend: "The offiiiiice..."
Me: "What about the office?"
Friend: "Man, you really don't know?"
Me: "Know what?"
Friend: "Well, see it for yourself!"
My friend was grinning like a maniac.
#2ch
No way...
Slideman
I rarely went to the office at all, so I was extra tense going in.
I looked around.
Misaki: "Yo!"
You had to be kidding me.
I thought maybe she had just come to pick something up.
But she was wearing a uniform.
Misaki: "I'm Misaki. I'll be in your debt!
I'll probably mess up a lot, but I'll appreciate your guidance!"
The old ladies snickered.
Misaki beamed.
By noon, my coworkers knew the situation and gave me inquisitive eyes.
But that was the easy part...
Slideman
Thinking this was the most ridiculous thing, I finished up at work and went home.
Misaki was getting dinner ready.
Me: "What was THAT about?"
Misaki: "Welcome back! Surprised?"
Me: "Gimme a break..."
Misaki: "First you dated me in high school, and now romance at work?
Always with the immorality, Slideman..."
And whose fault is that...
Misaki: "But man, work is exhausting like nothing else..."
Me: "That's just how it is."
Despite deeming it exhausting, Misaki seemed to enjoy talking about her day at work.
I couldn't be mad given that, so I figured it was all right.
Slideman
Things were noisy for a while, but life steadily calmed down.
Suddenly it was summer, and I was going to go to my parents' house for the Bon festival.
Both at their request, and to introduce Misaki.
Misaki: "Slideman's old home, huh... Is your brother there?"
Me: "Nah, he's not..."
Misaki: "Well, I wanna talk with your mom.
And ask her to tell stories about when Slideman was young!"
Me: "Do what you want, just don't call me Slideman there..."
We drove for nearly four hours talking about these kinds of things.
Slideman
I opened the front door for the first time in two years.
I was surprisingly nervous to come back home...
Me: "I'm home!"
Misaki: "Excuse me!"
Intense footsteps came from the living room.
Were they that excited about the return of their son...?
Mom/Dad: "Welc... whoathat'syoung!"
Me: "Huh? Do I look younger?"
Mom: "Not you, silly!"
Sheesh... They should be happier about their son coming home for once.
Misaki: "Hello! I'm Misaki, I've been dating OP.
It's nice to meet you!"
And my mom started weeping.
Mom: "OP... Oh, OP..."
For the love of...
Slideman
Tired from the long drive, I lazed about in the living room.
I saw my mom and Misaki way off in the distance, getting things ready in the kitchen.
Soon enough, dinner was on the table.
I recall my mother happily explained to dad, "This was made by little Misaki!"
Dad: "Well... Then a toast to little Misaki!"
Yeah, I knew Misaki was the star of the show...
Slideman
Everyone but Misaki got pretty tipsy, and she took a barrage of questions from dad and mom.
Mom: "Say, Misaki, how old are you?"
Misaki: "I just turned 19 last month!"
Dad: "Eh?! So you were in high school 'til a few months ago?
Nice! I'm glad to hear that!
Why not give up on this youngster and switch to me?"
Mom: "Um... honey..."
Dad: ""
Moms are tough.
Mom: "So, how did it all start?"
Misaki: "It began when OP came sliding towards me!"
...That wasn't good.
Slideman
Me: "M-Misaki..."
Mom/Dad: "Misaki. DETAILS."
Now this is what I call a public execution.
Misaki: "OP was really drunk, and came sliding toward me wanting to see my thighs!
He really startled me, hahaha..."
Me: "Why, you... You've always been peeping into girl's bathrooms, licking girl's recorders... You haven't grown up one bit!"
...That wasn't good, either.
But let it be said.
I am, and have always been, a P-E-R-V-E-R-T.
Slideman
Misaki: "Well, never heard that one before..."
And who WOULD talk about how they peep into girl's bathrooms?
Mom: "That's just the kind of guy he is..."
Misaki: "Slideman, you're yucky!"
W-We had an agreement about "Slideman"... orz
Dad: "Slideman...? Short for "the Sliding Man"...?"
Misaki: "Naturally! Clever old man!"
Dad: "Well, I can't say I don't know how OP feels...
If I were allowed, I'd want to see a high school girl's thighs too!"
Mom/Misaki: "Whose side are you on?!"
Dad: "I was just complimenting OP on his, you know, pervertedness!"
Sigh, this family...
Slideman
I was berated from beginning to end.
At least I was allowed to drink away my sorrows.
You know, since that's never ended in me sliding headfirst into Misaki's thighs before.
I joked about head-sliding into my mom's groin, but she replied "that's not where you should be going back to."
Uh... What had I come back here for, again...?
I fell asleep eventually, and woke up the next day with a major hangover.
While I slept, I shed a single tear.
A pearl tear. The tear of a P-E-R-V-E-R-T.
Slideman
So, while battling with my hangover, we went to visit a grave despite the blazing sun.
There was going to be a local festival at night, so I decided to go with Misaki.
I called Misaki when it was almost time to go to the festival.
Misaki came to me dressed in a yukata.
Me: "What's with that?"
Misaki: "It's one of your mom's!
So? Does it suit me?"
Me: "Very sexy, yes."
Misaki: "More forthcoming after yesterday's incident, are we?"
Look, it's not like that at all.
Yukatas are just unconditionally sexy, everyone knows that.
We walked through the nostalgic scenery in our clogs.
I would sometimes talk about my memories of the places we passed, which Misaki really enjoyed, and so did I in turn.
Slideman
Once at the festival, being that it was local, there were a number of people I knew, so I kept getting asked about Misaki.
We checked out a number of stands, enjoying ourselves like kids.
Fireworks were going off too, so we watched them from a dry riverbed a little ways away.
Not only was it far from the festival grounds, people were pretty sparse there anyway, so the bustle sounded so far away.
Me: "Man, I'm tired. Must be my age."
Misaki: "You're pathetic, haha...
But still, I'm having lots of fun..."
Misaki started crying for some reason.
Did she really not like how easily I get worn out, or what?
Slideman
Me: "W-What's up...?"
A flustered Slideman.
Fireworks beginning to launch.
Misaki: "You've got a ways to go, Slideman..."
Whatever that means.
Misaki: "I'm crying because I'm happy, stupid."
Is that it?
Me: "I know I smell like an old guy, but can I hug you?"
Misaki: "No."
Me: ""
Misaki: "Kiss me."
We kissed, and a huge firework went up.
Her happy tears were salty.
It was a supremely romantic moment.
Misaki: "Smells like fried chicken..."
Okay, maybe not.
Slideman
The fireworks ended, and we were tired, so we left early.
We only ended up staying at my parents' house for a day.
Once home, I got back to work, and everything was as usual.
Two years of dating Misaki had passed.
Starting around this time, Misaki would talk about marriage often.
I, too, felt we should get married, but we still sometimes got into fights that would made Misaki cry.
Slideman
Unable to tolerate the delicate situation at home, I stayed at work more often.
I rarely had any troubles at work, and I didn't meet Misaki at work either.
Then, I believe it was near the end of autumn.
I went drinking with my boss, and got home after midnight.
Me: "I'm home!"
...No reply.
I looked at the bed thinking she was already asleep, but she wasn't there.
It was only one room, so there was nowhere else to search.
I was disoriented for a bit, since this had never happened before.
I could only think, well, surely she'd be back in the morning.
Slideman
But Misaki wasn't there in the morning either.
Getting very worried, I called her, but she didn't answer.
I could only blame myself, thinking it was my fault for being vague with her marriage questions.
I even went to the office to check, and all I could find out was that she was taking vacation.
Not even showing up to work... I was overcome with worry and regret.
I finished up work, went home, and Misaki wasn't there.
The only place left to check was Misaki's old residence.
Slideman
Relying on this last hope, I went to Misaki's old home.
I rang the doorbell and Misaki's sister responded, but didn't open the door.
Me: "Excuse me. It's OP.
Has Misaki come by here?"
Misaki's Sis: "No she hasn't."
Me: "Has she contacted you?"
Misaki's Sis: "She did.
She says she wants some time alone.
Now go away."
And that was all.
At any rate, I was relieved to know Misaki was safe.
All I could do now was wait.
Slideman
Around dawn the day after I talked to Misaki's sister, I got an email from Misaki.
The phone danced around in my palm as I hurried to open it up.
The email said she had something to talk about, and to come to the station after work.
Honestly, I was happy, but simultaneously anxious.
I finished work and headed for the station.
I spent the long Monday thinking about how something like this had happened before.
Misaki: "Yo, long time no see! ...That's not gonna fly, is it?"
Me: "Hey. Get in the car, first."
I was rather relieved just to see Misaki in her usual mood.
There was a lot I wanted to ask her.
I'd been sorting out my words all day, but I still felt frantic.
Me: "What'd you want to tell me?"
Misaki: "You've been... cold lately, Slideman.
Considering you used to be obsessed with me..."
Me: "No way, that hasn't changed!"
Misaki: "I feel like we're more distant..."
I understood what Misaki wanted to say.
But feeling like I was being troublesome to Misaki, who wanted to talk marriage, I kept my distance.
Slideman
Me: "What do you mean to say?"
Misaki: "I don't really know what I should say..."
Me: "Really, what..."
It was silent for a while.
Misaki suddenly took a deep breath and let it all out.
Misaki: "I'm pregnant with your child, Slideman.
I wasn't feeling well, and I hadn't had my period for two months.
I didn't think it could be true, but I tested positive.
The day I found that out was the day before I left."
Opening the dams she'd had closed, Misaki burst out crying.
I was really flustered, for sure.
I felt like someone'd hit me with something blunt.
Slideman
Me: "But why did you leave?
You could have told me. No need to hide it..."
Misaki: "Well, with you not agreeing about marriage, how was I supposed to say I was pregnant?"
Me: "Of course we'll get married.
That'd make you happy, wouldn't it?"
Misaki: "I thought so..."
Misaki let the words spill out and sadly smiled.
I didn't know what anything was anymore.
What Misaki was thinking, or what she wanted to tell me.
I should've been happy about the new life growing inside Misaki, so why wouldn't we be happy?
Me: "What do you mean, you thought so?"
Misaki: "You're not getting married because you want to marry me, do you, Slideman?
It's more because you'll take the responsibility for me being pregnant.
I didn't like pressing the marriage question because of the kid...
So I didn't say it. I didn't know what to do."
Misaki talked between sobs.
I hadn't the slightest idea she'd been burdened with all this.
It was my fault for not noticing anything.
Slideman
Misaki: "You're so mature, Slideman, for better or worse.
Not exactly balanced with me, who's still a kid..."
Me: "Don't say..."
I really felt the age gap for once.
I wanted us to be on equal level, but I suppose Misaki had been pushing herself to meet mine.
Misaki: "Well, just think about it this way.
Whatever you say to me, Slideman, I'm going to have this kid.
That's not changing no matter what happens."
Misaki gave me a glare of sorts and got out of the car.
I'd never seen her with that expression before.
Left alone, I was left with feelings of regret, happiness, and so on.
Everything bunching up made me feel like I was going to burst.
Slideman
I'd made up my mind.
But I didn't know how I should tell Misaki.
I don't know what I was thinking, but I called my brother.
I was thinking he might not even answer.
Just as I was about to give up, he answered.
Bro: "Hey, been a while!"
Me: "Hey, you're still alive."
Bro: "Did something happen?"
Me: "I got a girl pregnant.
But things are complicated because I've been hesitating on marriage for a while..."
I told him in more detail than that, but that's the gist of it.
Slideman
Bro: "Marriage is something you've gotta do on momentum!
You can never do it if you get thinking about it!"
Me: "Not like you've ever gotten married..."
Bro: "Don't be stupid! You'll notice I've gotten married three times!"
Nah, this guy was no help for more reasons than one...
Incidentally, his "times":
x1: A Filipina who migrated to work in Japan (Seems he was getting tricked)
x2: A sixty-year-old widow (Something about the ghost of her dead husband?)
x3: An art student (Nearly got his member chopped off in some art incident)
Me: "Clearly I called the wrong person.
Show your face to your dad and mom while you're still alive, would you?"
Bro: "Wait! I've got something to say!"
#2ch
Bro: "Wait! I've got something to say!"
Bro: "I'm... pregnant."
Slideman
Me: "Yeah, what?"
Bro: "Well, just think about it.
Are you getting married because you like her, or because she's pregnant?"
He was right, thinking about it.
I was overlooking the simplest part.
Me: "Thanks, bro."
Bro: "Well, I try."
Me: "Come over when the kid's born!"
Off-topic, but it seems like my brother's still tormented by the ghost of the widow's dead husband.
Maybe he needs an exorcism...
Slideman
After calling my brother, I promptly called Misaki.
She answered this time.
Me: "Where are you?"
Misaki: "At home."
Me: "I'll be there soon, so wait for me."
I hung up on Misaki before she did for the first time.
The distance felt so much further than it really was.
Misaki was waiting in front of the house.
Me: "You could've waited inside, you know.
We can't have you freezing yourself."
Misaki: "What are you, my dad?"
Me: "Let's get going."
People are strange...
The instant they realize how they're carrying themselves, their attitude changes.
Slideman
At last Misaki came back home, and I felt nostalgic.
Misaki sat on the bed, gently stroking her belly.
Me: "What week is it?"
Misaki: "The seventh."
Me: "Better buy a family car..."
Misaki: "Pfft, what are you even..."
Me: "No, we'd better move first.
A single room won't do to raise a kid."
Misaki: "No kidding..."
I wanted to tell her what I was thinking, but I was too embarrassed and was roundabout about saying it.
Me: "We'll get married, Misaki.
And not because you're pregnant, but because I love you.
Because I said that where I was, Misaki would be.
I'm sorry for dodging the question until now..."
I felt like I was going to explode.
Slideman
Misaki: "I leave for a few days, and your room's a mess!
I knew Slideman was hopeless without me..."
That's right.
There's no other woman whom I could slide after but you, my love.
Misaki: "Alright, fiiine, you can stroke my tummy..."
It was too early to really identify anything at that point.
But I did feel a fair bit going on in there.
Perhaps that was the exact moment I truly recognized I would be a father.
Misaki: "Well, it's almost at the point of hearing the baby's heartbeat!
We'll go to the hospital together later."
Misaki spoke in such a way as to send off all the preceding awkwardness.
Slideman
Since learning Misaki was pregnant, I went from smoking more than one pack a day to giving it up.
Miraculously, I haven't felt like smoking in the four years since.
I wanted to do whatever I could to help Misaki as she struggled with sickness.
I bought all kinds of books, and told her what info I could.
But my number one encouragement was seeing her looking so mature when we went to the hospital, melting away my anxiety.
Slideman
Around the time Misaki had settled down some (the 16th or 17th week), we started getting ready to move.
We didn't have very many things, but I still got my friend to help out, and it was done remarkably quick.
Friend: "Still surprised you're going all the way to marriage..."
Me: "Yeah, I'll go first to scout out for you..."
Friend: "Well, remember I did the first sliding!
Boy, feels like such an honor..."
Yes, he had indeed been Misaki's first slider.
Don't tell anybody, but I'm a little torn up about that...
Slideman
The day we moved out, my parents came along and made a major clamor.
Naturally, they were happy to be getting a grandchild!
I let Misaki's sister know, and she just said "Congrats."
Mom: "Making such a young girl your wife, my word..."
Dad: "You really okay with this, Misaki?
This old man's still waiting for you, y'know..."
Dad, don't...
Misaki: "Would you be willing to slide at me, sir?"
Dad: "You bet! I'm ready for a little sliding!"
Mom: "You know, I've been hearing a lot about couples divorcing lately..."
Slideman
I'll be mostly summarizing the pregnancy stuff.
Not too much, but there's a lot I could write...
About six months in, it was surprisingly evident Misaki was a mother.
Her stomach was really showing, which looked bizarre given her thin body.
Misaki: "My breasts have been stretching lately..."
Me: "Huh? Already?"
Misaki: "And why do you sound so happy?"
Me: "Isn't that a man's dream?"
Slideman
I distinctly remember it was the 26th week.
I got home from work and was waiting for dinner.
Misaki: "Ahh!"
It sounded like she had cut herself with a knife, so I went to check on her.
Me: "What happened?"
Misaki: "Oh no..."
Me: "I repeat..."
It didn't look like she had cut herself, though.
Misaki: "The baby moved!"
Me: "You serious?!"
I immediately put my ear to her belly.
But the fickle baby didn't respond.
From then on, I would frequently put my hand on Misaki's belly and not feel a thing.
Feeling like the kid doesn't like you before it's even born makes a sad dad...
#2ch
Obviously, the baby was sliding.
Slideman
We had been going to the hospital weekly.
On the 37th week, they estimated the baby's birth to be sometime in September.
And then, two days later.
I was working on a stupidly hot August day, feeling like I had a fever.
Before noon, I got a call from Misaki.
Me: "Something happen?"
Misaki: "My tummy hurts, Slidemaaan..."
Me: "What are you, a baby?"
I'd heard from the family doctor that there could be early pains, so I didn't feel too hurried.
Incidentally, Misaki was already on maternity leave and at home.
Misaki: "I'll give it a while...
If it gets bad, I'll call back!"
Me: "Got it."
I wasn't in a hurry, but I was still a little on edge.
I was entirely focused on when the phone might ring again.
As a result, I made a lot of mistakes and made my boss angry...
Slideman
At lunch, I called my mom to ask if there was anything I needed to do.
Around 3 PM, I got another call from Misaki.
I was all set now...
Misaki: "My tummy hurts... It's about ten minutes between cramps..."
Me: "Hmm... Go to the hospital, then? I'll get back home..."
Misaki: "Ahh!"
I wasn't going to be surprised by an "Ahh!" at this point.
I mean, I was so prepared as to hear "I think it's coming out, like, right now?"
Me: "W-What is it?!"
Misaki: "My water broke..."
Me: "I'll get home! I'll call the hospital, so just get ready!"
I told my boss and was able to leave early.
And on my way back, my friend saw me rushing, and said but one thing.
Friend: "Don't worry, Slideman! Your kid'll slide out real smooth!"
Slideman
Unexpectedly, Misaki was looking pretty nonchalant when I got home.
Misaki: "Welcome home! That was fast!"
Me: "You're still doing alright?"
Misaki: "Well, it's still a long time between pains, but my water breaking just surprised me..."
I got Misaki to the hospital and had her examined.
The doctor said "The baby wants to meet its daddy and mommy soon," and I was immensely relieved.
Maybe the exact opposite of some other people...
We were told to take it easy since the cramps were still coming slowly.
I went home for the moment, and brought the things my mom had said Misaki would need.
I'm not sure how to put it.
The mixture of hope and anxiety was something I'd never felt before and haven't felt since.
Slideman
Even once I brought the stuff, Misaki was looking indifferent to everything.
The cramps came more and more frequently, but it was a long wait.
I spent about 9 hours dozing off and waking back up while this went on.
As for Misaki, it was incredibly mentally exhausting.
The cramps got down to five minutes, to one to two minutes.
All I could really do was wipe away sweat and talk to her.
Men are powerless...
And then it was time for delivery.
I had wanted to be present to begin with, so I was there with her.
Slideman
Despite Misaki's face twisting in pain, I could only stand and watch.
I was barely even able to hold her hand.
And the things I tried to say to her were really frivolous...
Even Misaki said "Huh? You were talking to me, Slideman? I just remember the pain..."
The more time passed, the more worthless I felt.
Doctor: "The head's coming out! Just a little more, Mom!"
Among Misaki's screaming and the midwife's talking, this was the one thing I still recall.
Slideman
Doctor: "It's coming out! Keep at it! It's out!"
And so the doctor handed us the baby.
Huh... but... he's not crying...?
The doctor looked at me and inserted a thin tube into the baby's mouth.
Huh? Was it okay?
"Waaaah!"
Apparently he sucked up some water stuck in his throat.
I guess babies don't always cry the instant they're out...
Me: "Misaki!!"
Misaki: "I-I wanna go to sleep..."
Me: "You did good, Misaki!"
Misaki: "And you bore witness to the birth of Slideboy."
I'll call him Slideboy in the thread, but in reality he has a normal name, don't worry.
#2ch
Congratulations, it's a Slideboy...
Slideman
Slideboy was born in August.
A little small at 43 cm and 2460 grams, but he was there breathing in Misaki's arms.
Back in the hospital room, my dad and mom arrived.
Mom: "Misaki, you did a great job!"
Misaki: "Thank you very much!"
Dad: "Misaki's a mom now too, huh?
Ah, not like I care if you have a ki -"
Mom: "Honey, here's the divorce papers.
Just stamp them."
Slideman
Alright. Today, Slideman's long monologuing shall end!
Feels a little lonely to see it go...
Getting ready for the final posts!
Slideman
Three years have passed since the birth of Slideboy.
He grew up without any major injuries or hospital visits, and I'm still surprised by how fast he's grown.
I, the Slideman, am now 32. Now I really smell like an old guy...
Misaki is as young as ever, doing a fine job of keeping up work and raising a kid.
She still occasionally lets a "Slideman" slip in front of Slideboy...
This month, in the early afternoon, I was working when Misaki came to me.
Me: "What's up?"
Misaki: "Slideboy got hurt...
The doctor at the nursery told me they took him to ___ Hospital!
Let's go, Slideman!"
Wondering what it must have been to have to go to the hospital, I left work and went there.
Slideman
A doctor was waiting at the entrance of the hospital.
Me: "Where's Slideboy?!"
Doctor: "He's being treated right now..."
In the examining room, I saw Slideboy with gauze on his cheek.
His mouth looked gross, like he had torn it, and I was worried.
Thankfully it wasn't a major injury, so we were able to take him home.
Me: "Sorry for the trouble.
But how did he get injured?"
Doctor: "He was...
He was kind of... sliding across the floor or something, and hit his head on a corner..."
Me: ""
There were no words.
Slideman
Why was he sliding headfirst...?
Shouldn't he have hurt his chin, too? Oh well...
That incident reminded me of how it all started, which is why I made the thread.
I guess my point is, sliding is hereditary.
Makes me worry a bit for Slideboy's future...
People have asked about our wedding, but I recently bought a house, and we probably won't be able to have one until I repay the loan.
I don't make very much...
Also, my brother is in some rural farmland in America.
Finally found a permanent residence, he said, so he'll be in America for a while.
And my dad and mom are being a comedic couple as always...
Slideman
Well, Slideman will be off to work today to repay his loans and raise his family.
I'm glad I spent these four days posting this!
I'm really sorry if the ending dragged on.
Lastly.
It's nice if you guys want to slide and all, but...
JUST DON'T HURT YOURSELF!
And now Slideman will go back to being a lurker.
I wish you all happiness in your travels.
Thank you, and goodbye!
[FYI, there were also a fair amount of people posting about sliding after girls/girls getting slided toward, usually during gaps when the OP was at work or sleeping. I didn't bother with them because hilarious as that is, that's really all there is to say on the matter.]