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Uncouth (from Kenshi Yonezu's LINE Blog)
I considered that writing this kind of thing might be uncouth, but there's nothing else I can do, and I think I want to write it to sort out my feelings.
I met wowaka-san nearly 10 years ago on NicoNico Douga. At the time, I considered him a person who made a kind of music I'd never heard before. I think perhaps everyone felt that way about him. Since we began posting around the same time, I personally perceived him as a rival who I refused to be bested by. But I respected him even moreso, and he influenced me greatly. When I first heard World's End Dancehall, I couldn't eat out of shock. When I was able to meet him in person at events, we didn't exchange that many words on account of both being shy, but I remember us having humming-and-hawing conversations about music.
Before long, and indeed, with about the same timing, we temporarily parted from Vocaloid, and began to sing with our own voices. He formed a band, and I chose to go it alone. I was nervous about having no one who shared my situation, so occasionally we went drinking together and had meandering, pointless conversations. When we went to Festivals together, we were weirded out to discover we had the same wallet design, and burst out laughing to discover we wore the same shoes in different colors to a magazine interview... Feeling a bit like kindred spirits, there were ways in which we saw things similarly.
As we got older, the frequency of us going out to drink increased, recently hitting two or three times a week, so ultimately we wouldn't even talk as not to repeat the same conversations, but we drank in peace. Together with Dai-chan from LAMP IN TERREN, we called it "chill mode" and enjoyed it. When I told a nonsense story, his face would scrunch up in laughter, so I endeavored to be a nonsense person. Sometimes he'd look seriously displeased, and while I'd think "real sorry," I adored that in its own way. Once he got drunk and nodded off, he wouldn't move an inch, so even the part where I had to guide him and stuff him in a taxi was tradition when drinking with him. That was also pretty fun in its own way. I'd take photos of him sleeping soundly, and was thinking I'd reveal them all to him someday. The fact I won't be able to do that anymore still doesn't feel real.
I'm still thinking now, could I not have done anything? I feel like I'm going to keep thinking that for a long time. I'm still thinking how I want him to stumble in through the door going "Hachi-kuuun." Much like the style of his music, he lived at a speed many times faster than others. Like the fundamental BPM of his life was different. I suppose he was a person who embodied his music exactly.
To me, he was a rival, a best friend, even a bit like a big brother. But he's passed. It feels lonely now, but I think time will even carry that away.
The grief of his remaining band members, his staff, his relatives, and all the people who loved wowaka-san is immeasurable. Each of us in our respective positions, we just have to make feeble compromises and go on living. For now, I think I'll try to live as similarly as I can to before. I guess you never did go get your driver's license or go to the beach. It was fun being with you. Bye-bye, let's go drinkin' again.
Posted April 10th, 2019