Rainy Day (from Kenshi Yonezu's diary)

It's raining. Two crows fly around like children playing in a downpour. I don't have anything effective like stimulating coffee at home, so I'm just dozing off on a sofa. I like being inside and hearing the sound of rain beating on the window. Because I feel like it forgives me even if my capabilities as a human weaken. After seeing some news about transportation being congested, finally I lean on my dully-aching head, and close my eyes as if sinking down deep. I sleep in the way you do when your mind and body are both tired. Putting off everything important, wishing if possible that I could wake up to see gnomes doing it all for me, I sleep.

Eyes closed, I imagine various things. I remember the Disney movie Hercules. After the last scene, what kind of life do Hercules and Meg live in the human world? Hercules must at least be happier than living in the world of gods where his father is (maybe it's contradictory to say "living in the world of gods" when the concept of death doesn't exist there). When I'm watching an excellent movie, in the omitted portions that exist between cuts, and past the last scene in which the curtains lower, I often have to imagine what the characters see and think and talk about. When this happens, I neglect the movie's main plotline, which afterward leaves me going "It was a good movie, but I don't really remember it," making the people I went to see it with look at me like I'm something incomprehensible.

People say imagination is infinite. It's even been said in my favorite manga. I selectively curate my imagination to picture a comfortable world behind my eyelids. I imagine a joyful world where no one gets hurt. I dream as if to get away from a life that's just all sort of tedious. A dream constructed only from beautiful images lowers into a domain my consciousness can't reach, eventually escaping from the reins and proceeding in its own direction. The formerly happy images start to look bleaker, and start to be invaded by bloody imagery, and seem set to arrive at the worst outcome, so I wake up as if banging my head against concrete.

It's raining. I don't see the crows anywhere. Remembering the disappointment of having no place even in my dreams, I reluctantly began my tedious life. That's how most days go.

Posted October 22nd, 2017


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