Man: "I'm beat..." *click* Door: "Welcome back!" Man: ""

A story about a man and his...


Man: "Okay, officially way too tired. No doubt about that."
Door: "It's quite rude of you not to say "I'm home," master."
Man: "Bed time."
Door: "..."
Man: "It's dark..." *click*
Switch: "Ahhn... ///"
Man: ""

Man: "Oh, boy. This is really getting bad."
Man: "I'm calling the hospital..." *swip*
Cellphone: "Hey there, master! What number you wanna call?"
Man: "" *fwap*
Cellphone: "Yaaagh!"

Man: "I'm going to bed... I feel like I'm gonna die..." *fwump*
Bed: "Master, have you lost weight?"
Man: "" *whump*
Man: "Owww..."
Bed: "A-Are you okay?!" *worry*
Man: "Gimme a break..."

Man: "This has to be some kind of lucid dream."
Man: "Let's try talking to something else..."
Man: "Hey fridge, how you doing?"
Fridge: "I feeleth my stomach is not nearly full enough as of late."
Man: ""
Fridge: "There are a scant two beers in there, as you know."
Fridge: "Thy should get something more nutritious, fresh vegetables for example..." *prattle*
Man: ""

Man: "I give up. I guess this is pretty standard for a dream."
Man: "I'll watch some TV before bed..." *click*
Remote: "We're on channel siiix!"
Man: "Yeah, yeah, I get the idea by now..."

*tweet tweet*

Man: "Hm?"
Man: "Huh, it's morning..."
Man: "And I left the TV on..." *click*
Man: "..."
Man: "I guess the remote talking was just a dream."
TV: "Yew tryin' to kill me, bud?! Yew know how many hours yew had me workin'?!"
Man: ""

Man: "It... wasn't a dream...?"
Man: "Well, this is bad."
Man: "I don't have an appointment, but I gotta get to the hospital..." *click*
Door: "See you soon, master!"
Man: "Ahaha..." *thud*
Door: "Ignored again? Very well. Take care!"
Man: "Ahahahahahaha..." *run*


Doctor: "It's too much work. You're hallucinating due to the stress."
Man: "Right..."
Doctor: "The symptoms seem rather minor, but we'll just see how things go."
Man: (You already know it's a serious illness, don't you?!)

Man: "Well, that didn't settle anything..."
Man: "I'm home!" *click*
Door: "Welcome back, master."
Man: "..." *thud*
Door: "Hm."
Cellphone: "Yo, master! You got guts to forget about me!"
Man: "Shaddup! I'll snap you in half!"
Cellphone: "" *shudder*

Man: "It's vibrating? A text?"
Cellphone: "" *shudder*
Man: "I don't see anything... What the?"
Cellphone: "" *shudder*
Man: "...It's just this guy trembling, isn't it."

Cellphone: "Stooop..." *shudder*
Man: "Huh?"
Cellphone: "Don't snap meee... don't snap meeeee..." *shudder*
Man: (This is honestly kind of cute in a way, but...)

Man: "Don't want me to break you, huh?"
Cellphone: "Of cooourse..." *shudder*
Man: "Then stop shaking like that, it's annoying."
Cellphone: ""
Fridge: "Master, I doth insist you cease such things."
Man: "You were watching?"
Fridge: "Everything."
Man: "I'll pull your plug."
Fridge: "" *shuddershuddershudder*
Man: "Stop that, it's like an earthquake in here!"

Neighbor: "What's with this shaking?! Stop that!" *bang bang*
Man: "H-Hey! I won't pull your plug, okay, just stop shaking!"
Fridge: "" *stop*
Man: "Might be a little late, though..."
Neighbor: "I'm coming in there!" *bang bang*
Man: "Ack, I didn't lock the door!"

Door: "*click*"
Neighbor: "Argh, it's locked! Open up!"
Man: "Huh?"
Door: "(Not opening, nope!)"
Neighbor: "Hey! Opeeen!" *bang*
Man: "Door..."

Neighbor: "I'll kick down this door! HAAAH!" *wham* *bang*
Door: "(Right, that hurts. Ow. Ow that hurts.)"
Man: "W-What do I do..."
Police: "Excuse me, sir..."
Neighbor: "Huh?"
Man: "(Yesss!)"

Police: "I've gotten a report from your neighbor."
Neighbor: "Huh? Wh... Wha...?" *hesitate*
Man: "(Hooray for my neighbor's neighbor!)"
Police: "He said he couldn't tolerate the horribly loud noises any longer."
Neighbor: "Wha? What loud noises? I don't know what noises! I don't!"
Police: "We can talk about the details downstairs..."

Man: "Whew... The storm's passed."
Fridge: "I am tremendously sorry..." *sniff*
Man: "Don't worry about it."
Cellphone: "It was all my fault for getting uppity..."
Man: "You too, it's fine."
Cellphone: "But, but I..."
Man: "Any more and I'll snap you."
Cellphone: ""

Man: "So why the hell can you guys talk?"
TV: "Yew askin' me? As if we know!"
Remote: "Maybe you only just noticed... hm?"
Bed: "As if it were perfectly ordinary... right?"

Door: "I feel like death..."
Man: "You're alive?"
Door: "Barely."
Door: "A little dented, though..."
Man: "Really? I'll fix that."
Door: "No, I'd like to keep it as a sign of protecting my master."
Man: "Door..."

Man: "It looks bad to have a dented door, though."
Man: "My place will look shoddy! Even if it is just an apartment."
Door: "Is that so..."
Man: "Well, don't feel down. I'll at least leave it for a while since I can't be bothered to fix it."

Several Days Later

Man: "I wonder what I'll do if I see my neighbor... I'm kinda scared."
Cellphone: "Haven't seen him at all since then."
Door: "It seems someone else has moved into his room."
Man: "Serious? I guess things are peaceful again."
Bed: "Indeed! You need to be up early tomorrow, so good night."
Man: "Right, good night." *click*
Switch: "Ahhn... ///"

*tweet tweet*

Man: "Well, time for work." *click*
Door: "Take care."
Man: "Right. You take care of the house, too." *thud*
Door: "A simple order, but it is my job."
Door: "The weather looks to be a bit cloudy today, so be sure to take your umbre..."
Door: "Gone already? You're so hasty, master..."


Man: "I'm thirsty..."
Woman: "Have some tea!"
Man: "Huh? I didn't ask you for..."
Woman: "I was thinking you might be getting thirsty soon, so... I'm sorry!" *shy*
Man: "Ah, it's fine, I was just... surprised. Thanks." *glug*
Woman: "No problem! Back to work!" *scurry*
Man: "...Tasty."

Door: (It's raining outside...)
Door: (I wonder what master will do without his umbrella...)
Door: (Hm? Someone's coming...)
Door: (Well, I'll have them know my master is out!)
Old Neighbor: "..."

Friend A: "Is this okay, bro?"
Old Neighbor: "Is what okay?"
Friend B: "Um, like, is it really okay for us to break in?"
Old Neighbor: "Yes, we already discussed this!"
Old Neighbor: "Thanks to that cursed policeman's questioning, I missed an episode of Witch Girl Miru-tan!"
Friend A/B: (What a loser...)

Old Neighbor: "Hey! You in there, nerd?!" *thump*
Friend A: "Open up!" *thump*
Friend B: "HEYYYYY!" *thump*
Door: (These guys...)
Old Neighbor: "Come out or else!" *wham* *bam*
Door: (Oof...)

Friend A: "I guess this means there's nobody in?"
Old Neighbor: "Hmph... So he ran in fear of me, the fool!"
Friend B: (As if...)
Old Neighbor: "Very well, we'll kick the door down."
Friend A: "Whaaa? That's bad, dude!"
Friend B: "Hella bad!"
Old Neighbor: "I'm not standing down at this point..."

Old Neighbor: "On three, we break the door down!"
Friend A: "Uh..."
Friend B: "Alright, fine..."
Old Neighbor: "One! Two! THREE!"
Door: (Gurgh...!)
Friend A: "Not enough..."
Old Neighbor: "Right! One more time!"

Several Minutes Later

Old Neighbor: "Why won't it go down...?!" *pant*
Door: (I can't take much more...)
Cellphone: "Good luck, door! I got your back!"
Fridge: "Can we do nothing but watch...?"
TV: "Yo, this ain't good..."

Old Neighbor: "Put your heart into it, you!"
Friend A: "Easier... said than done..." *pant*
Friend B: "We gotta succeed or run away quick, or you'll be caught again..."
Old Neighbor: "Then this is the last one!"
Friend A: "Okay..."
Friend B: "Let's do this."
Old Neighbor: "One, two, THREE!"


Door: ""

Old Neighbor: "We broke it!"
Friend A: "Hooray!"
Friend B: "The hinges broke off... That was some force!"
Old Neighbor: "Right! Let's go in!"
Friend A/B: "Yeah!"
Door: ""

Cellphone: "Waaah..."
Old Neighbor: "Pretty clean room, huh..."
Friend A: "Perfect for laying waste to!"
Friend B: "Let's start with his cute little sheets..."
TV: (The bedsheets...!)
Bed: (HYEEEK!)


Man: "Well, I've got to go soon."
Woman: "Are you leaving now?"
Man: "Yeah."
Woman: "Actually, so am I! Is it okay if I go home with you?"
Man: "Why?"
Woman: "Why? Er..." *nervous*

Woman: "Err, uhh..." *looking around*
Man: "?"
Woman: (Ah, he doesn't have an umbrella and it's raining... That's it!)
Woman: "You didn't bring an umbrella, did you? I have one, so..." *shy offer*
Man: "Oh, you're right, I didn't bring one."
Woman: "I don't want you to get a cold..."
Man: "Right. Okay, let's go together."
Woman: "Yeah!" *smile*

Man: "Well, that should be enough."
Woman: "Yes, of course! Well, take care..." *scurry*
Man: "Oh, wait!"
Woman: "Yes?" *stop*
Man: "Thanks. See you tomorrow." *spin*
Woman: "..." *dreamy sigh*

Man: "I still ended up dripping wet..."
Man: "I'm home... ?!"
Door: ""
Man: "Wh... huh... what happened?"
Man: "M-My room...!"

Cellphone: "Master! Your old neighbor brought some friends, and..."
Man: "What the... Is everyone okay?!"
Remote: "W-Well..."
Man: "?"
Fridge: "Not only the door, but... the bed..."

Man: "What a terrible thing... Are you okay?"
Bed: "I'm fine... But, the door..."
TV: "He ain't been saying nothin'..."
Man: "No way... Door! Talk to me!"
Door: ""

Man: "Dammit... They..."
Woman: "What happened? This room..."
Man: "Huh?! Why are you here...?"
Woman: "Well, I was kind of worried about you... And then I saw your room was..."
Man: "W-Well, just keep this a secret between us! I don't want to make a big deal of it."
Woman: "R-Right! (Ooh... a secret between us...)"

Woman: "W-Well, let's get the door fixed first! It'll be cold."
Man: "Right. It's definitely chilly tonight."
Woman: "I'll call the repairman right now!"
Man: "Wait!" *grab*

Woman: "Huh-wha?"
Man: "I just told you it's between us, remember?"
Woman: "R-Right, you did! Oh, gosh!"
Man: "So close the cellphone."
Woman: "Sorry..."
Man: "You don't have to apologize."
Woman: "But I mean, I forgot to do something you told me seconds ago..."
Man: "Like I said! Seriously, you're just like him..."
Woman: "Him?"
Man: "" *gulp*
Woman: "Who do you mean?"
Man: "Never mind. Just a friend of mine who's always quick to apologize."

Woman: "I see... So, who's going to fix the door?"
Man: "Obviously me, right?"
Woman: "You can fix it?!"
Man: "Isn't that just expected?"
Woman: "No, it's fantastic!" *sparkle*
Man: "You don't have to give me that look..."

Woman: "Is there anything I can do to help?"
Man: "Nope. Just go home."
Woman: "Wha..."
Man: "I don't mean it like I hate you or anything!"
Man: "But I mean, this happened out of the blue, and it's late at night, so I think you should get home soon."
Woman: "Man..."
Man: "Bye-bye."

Woman: "...I'm not going."
Man: "Huh?"
Woman: "I'm too worried about you to go home!"
Man: "Woman..."
Woman: "So can I stay over?"
Man: "Wait."

Woman: "What is it?" *hesitant*
Man: "Stop being so hesitant, okay?"
Man: "Can you say what you just said again? I'm afraid I might have misheard."
Woman: "Please, let me stay over."
Man: ""

Woman: "Well, can I...?"
Man: "No, no, I don't think I can spend the night with a young woman like you..."
Woman: "But I'm so worried..." *sniff*
Man: "A... All right, all right! Don't cry!"

Woman: "All right? So you'll let me stay!"
Man: "Yeah."
Woman: "Well then, what should I do?" *bouncy*
Man: "...Can you do something about my torn sheets?"
Woman: "Gladly!" *scurry*
Cellphone: "" *grin*
Man: "(I'll break ya.)"
Cellphone: "" *gulp*

Woman: "Wow, what a terrible thing happened to your sheets..."
Woman: "Which I'm now about to fix!" *sewsew*
Man: "Are you talking to the bed...?"
Man: "You're a little odd, aren't you?"
Man: "(...Or am I?)"

Man: (But if she finds out about these guys talking...!)


Fridge: ""


TV: ""


Remote: ""
Man: (At least they seem to get the situation...)
Cellphone: "" *shudder*
Man: "Hey."

Woman: "Huh? What is it?"
Man: "U-Um... Well, maybe you should take a bath?"
Woman: "Ah, good idea! Well, I'll borrow yours." *scurry*
Man: "..."
Cellphone: "Don't snap meee..." *shudder*

Man: "Take a hint and shut up, guys. And don't shake like this guy, either."
Cellphone: "There's something I need to tell you, master..."
Man: "What's that?"
Cellphone: "Well, you see..."

Man: "This image..."
Cellphone: "I stealthily took it while they were breaking into your room..."
Man: "Cellphone..."
Man: "I have to say, I'm pretty impressed."
Cellphone: "Ain't I great?" *sheen*
Man: "Snap."
Cellphone: "" *gulp*

Man: "No, I won't do that."
Cellphone: "" *whew*
Man: "But if I can get this to the police, it settles everything."
Cellphone: "There's the problem."
Man: "Huh?"

Man: "Why is it a problem?"
Cellphone: "Um, well, the question of... who took the picture?"
Man: "Oh."
Cellphone: "But I had a thought about that."
Man: "What?"

Cellphone: "The girl you brought over..."
Man: "I didn't bring her over!"
Cellphone: "Don't snap meee..." *shudder*
Man: "What about her?"
Cellphone: "If you said she took it..."
Man: "Are you stupid?"

Cellphone: "Huh?"
Man: "So I would be saying she was in this room, taking a picture?"
Cellphone: "Yes."
Man: "And what was she doing while taking it?"
Cellphone: "Oh."
Fridge: "A pack of imbeciles, you lot! Hahaha!"
Man: "Hey, I'll pull y... I mean, nothing."
Man: (Another earthquake now would not even be funny...)

Man: "Well, that's got to satisfy them, right? They won't come back again."
Remote: "I hope that's the case..."
Man: "For now, I'll just work on fixing the door."
Woman: "Ah, what a nice bath!"
Man: "" *gulp*
Woman: "You should have yours while the water's warm!"
Man: "Y-Yeah... Sure."

Man: "I'll be fixing the door soon, so I'll have a bath after."
Woman: "Oh, okay... Well then, I'm back to work on the sheets!"
Man: "Thanks."
Man: (Not good, not good...)

Several Minutes Later

Man: "Alright, door repairs complete!"
Woman: "Amazing! You really fixed it!"
Man: "I really...? You didn't believe me?"
Woman: "Oh, no! I didn't mean it like..."
Man: (Hah, she's funny...)
Man: "I was joking. Well, I'll be in the bath now."
Woman: "R-Right!"

Man: "Yikes, that was seriously close..."
Man: "Though that girl... sure is cute in some ways..."
Man: "She's pretty thoughtful... With the tea, and the umbrella, and worrying about me afterward..."
Man: "Why would she do all that? Could it be that she..."
Man: "Yeah, right." *splash*

Man: "I'm out."
Woman: "Wow, you take fast baths!"
Man: "My bad."
Woman: "I, I didn't mean..."
Man: "I know, I know. So, how are the sheets?"
Woman: "Oh, they're done!"

Man: "Impressive... They look really nice."
Woman: "Eheh... Thank you very much!" *smile*
Man: "" *th-thump*
Man: "Oh, uh... Time for bed?"
Woman: "Ah, right..."
Man: "You can use the bed, I'll sleep on the floor."
Woman: "Huh? No, I couldn't!"
Man: "As thanks for taking care of the sheets."

Floor: ""

Woman: "B-But..."
Man: "It's fine."
Woman: "No it's not..."
Man: "It is."
Woman: "But..."
Man: "Totally fine."
Woman: "Okay..."
Man: "Night."
Woman: "Good night..."

*tweet tweet*

Man: "Morning."
Woman: "Good morning... mmm..."
Man: "Wake up."
Woman: "Just forty more minutes..."
Man: "You'll be late for work."
Woman: "Just another hour..."
Man: "Up and at 'em! I'll kiss you if I need to."
Woman: "Go ahead."
Man: "Wait..."

Man: "Enough joking around. Are you gonna get up?"
Woman: "I guess..." *whoop*
Man: "Have some breakfast and get to work."
Woman: "I'll make breakfast!"
Man: "Sorry, there's nothing in the fridge."
Woman: "Huh...?"
Man: "We'll have to go the store."
Woman: "I guess so..."
Cellphone: "" *shuddershudder*
Man: ""

Woman: "?"
Man: "O-Oh, my phone! You go on ahead!"
Woman: "Got it!" *whoosh*
Man: "...What's this about?"
Cellphone: "Er, I was just wondering if you could take me along today..."
Man: "Oh yeah, I usually forget you... Sure, I'll do that."
Cellphone: "Yeahhh!"
Fridge: "Oh, excellent!"
TV: "Lucky you..."

Door: "I haven't been able to talk with you for a while, master."
Man: "It was only a couple of hours..."
Door: "Ahah... I suppose it was."
Door: "...She's waiting for you."
Man: "Yeah."
Door: "You should follow quickly, yes?"
Man: "Yeah."
Man: "Door..."
Door: "?"
Man: "Take care."
Door: "You too, master."

Door: "It is my duty to protect my master and his home."
Door: "I have yet to forget that mission."
Man: "Aw, door..."
Door: "So you can go with peace of mind."
Door: "If those ruffians should come again, I shall repel them!"
Man: "Got it... See you."
Door: "See you soon, master!"

*click* *thud*

Man: "Sorry for the wait."
Woman: "You're so slow!" *pout*
Man: "Sorry, sorry. Hungry, aren't you?"
Woman: "Of course I am!"
Man: "I'll treat you to a meal today to make up for it."
Woman: "Yay!"

Cellphone: "Master forgot about me after all..." *glum*
TV: "Haw haw!"
Fridge: "Hah hah!"
Remote: "Ha ha!"

Old Neighbor: "That nerd got a new door already!"
Friend A: "Destroying time!"
Friend B: "Let's bust it down!"
Door: (They're back again...!)

Old Neighbor: "Now, do it just like before!"
Friend A/B: "Yup!"
Door: (I'll hold out this time...)
Old Neighbor: "Hahhh! BREAK!" *thud*

Woman: "Ooh, I like how that looks... and this, and that, and that!"
Man: "You eat a lot, huh?"
Woman: "Hmph! It's so that I'm full of energy!"
Man: "Right, we'll stick with that excuse."
Woman: "It's true!"

Woman: "We got pretty lost... We might not make it to work on time..."
Man: "We're fine. Hold on, let me check the time..."
Man: "Huh?"
Woman: "?"
Man: "Nuts, I forgot my cellphone!"
Man: "You don't want to be late. You go ahead of me."
Woman: "O-Okay!"
Man: "See you at work, then."

Old Neighbor: "HAH!"
Door: (Gwooohhh!)
Friend A: "Hah! Hah! ...Huh?"
Friend B: "What're you doing? Don't take a br... oh."
Man: "And what're you up to...?"
Old Neighbor: "What does it look like?! Busting down a door!"
Man: "Heh... my door?"
Old Neighbor: "...Huh?"

Man: "You've got guts to try busting down a guy's door right in front of his eyes."
Old Neighbor: "Huh? Door? What door? I don't know what you mean!"
Man: "Are you really trying to talk your way out of this? You even brought friends!"
Man: "I've caught you red-handed. I'd better call the police."
Man: "...! Oh right, I don't...!"
Old Neighbor: "He's off-guard!" *ram*
Man: "Ack!"

Man: "Oww..."
Old Neighbor: "Hah! You annoying brat! It's all your fault! My Miru-tan!" *wham*
Man: "I don't even..."
Door: (Master!)

Man: "I'm gonna die..."
Woman: "Are you okay?!"
Man: "Woman...?!"
Man: "Why are you here...?! W-Watch out!"
Old Neighbor: "Get outta here, woman!"

Man: "Ah..."
Police: "Are you two all right?!"
Old Neighbor: "Who're you?!"
Police: "Police! You're under arrest!"
Old Neighbor: "Huh?! For what crime?!"
Police: "Who does he think he's kidding..." *cuff*

Man: "Woman... are you okay?"
Woman: "Are you?! You look really hurt!"
Man: "I'm fine, it's just a few scrapes."
Woman: "I'm glad it's not major..."
Man: "But, um, why did you come with the police...?"

Woman: "After you went home, I just had this bad feeling..."
Man: "So you followed me again?"
Woman: "Sorry... I know it's kind of being a stalker... I know, I'm disgusting..."
Man: "You're right it's stalkery. And that's usually not a good thing."
Woman: "Yeah..."
Man: "But if you hadn't done that, I'd probably be dead meat."

Woman: "Man..."
Man: "I thought I told you I didn't want to make a big deal of it. Why did you call the police?"
Woman: "I saw you being beat up, and I wanted to help you..."
Woman: "But I knew I wouldn't be able to do anything myself... so..."
Woman: "I had to break my promise... Sorry."
Man: "There you go immediately apologizing again..."
Man: "But I'm not mad at you."

Woman: "...Huh?"
Man: "You did the right thing."
Woman: "Huh?!"
Man: "Like I said, if you hadn't been a stalker and a chicken, I'd be a goner."
Woman: "Eheh..."
Man: "That's not exactly praise."
Woman: "Aww..."
Man: "Kidding. Thanks." *smile*

Woman: "Man..." *dreamy sigh*
Man: "I'm going to the hospital now, so I'm taking work off."
Woman: "You said it wasn't a big deal..."
Man: "I was lying about that too. My arm really hurts."
Woman: "Then I'm taking work off too!"
Man: "Huh?"

Woman: "I wouldn't be able to get any work done worrying about you!"
Man: "That's a pretty stupid reason to skip work."
Woman: "But..."
Man: "I'm telling you to go. Never mind me."
Woman: "Okay... But I'm still going to be worried about you, okay? Take care..." *scurry*
Door: "A little cold, aren't you?"
Man: "I don't want her taking work off just because of me..."

Door: "Master..."
Man: "Anyway, are you okay?"
Door: "Of course. It was my intention to protect the house until my master returned."
Man: "I'm glad I made it in time."
Door: "Indeed."

Several Weeks Later

Man: "Time to go home."
Woman: "I'll make a meal for you again today!"
Man: "By meal, I assume you just mean fried rice as usual..."
Woman: "Hee hee... I was thinking of trying another menu today!" *bouncy*
Man: "Stop, you'll burn the house down!"

Man's Home

Man: "Oh boy, you've got a lot planned, don't you..."
Woman: "Look forward to it! ♪"
Man: "Whew... I'm beat..."
Cellphone: "(Master, master...)"
Man: "(Huh? Don't talk now...)"
Cellphone: "(Well, I was just wondering... when are you going to confess?)"
Man: "Huh?!"

Woman: "" *stop*
Woman: "What is it...?"
Man: "U-Uh, nothing."
Man: "(What are you doing asking me that out of the blue?!)"

Woman: "I get the feeling you talk to yourself a lot at home..."
Cellphone: "(Er, well... You really do like her, don't you?)"

Man: "(I don't see what you're getting at...)"

Woman: "Have you been tired lately? You can talk to me about it if you like..."
Cellphone: "(If you like her, I think you should let her know soon! You can do it, master!)"

Man: "..."

Woman: "Though, er, maybe I'm not the best person to talk to..."
Cellphone: "(Hurry up and tell her how you feel!)"

Woman: "But for you, I'd be willing to -"
Cellphone: "(Con-fess! Con-fess!)"

Man: "Argh! You're so annoying!"

Woman: "!"
Cellphone: "!"

Man: "Just shut up already! You're pissing me off!"
Cellphone: "Master..."
Woman: "I... I... I'm sorry!" *flee*
Man: "Huh?! Woman?!"
Cellphone: "Ah... she ran away..."
Man: "You...!"

Man: "Why did she just leave...?"
Remote: "She was talking to you the whole time."
Fridge: "You were too busy talking to the cellphone to notice, master..."
Man: "That's..."
Cellphone: "Sorry..." *glum*
TV: "Yer so cocky fer such a li'l thing..."

Cellphone: "Say what?"
TV: "What'd I say?"
Cellphone: "Nobody takes YOU anywhere! You're just a bulky piece of junk!"
TV: "Eh?! Wit' all yer fancy-shmancy functionalities, you oughta know you can't never beat TV!"
Fridge: "Cease, you two! This is but an ugly dispute!"
Cellphone/TV: "You're the ugly one, fatty!"
Fridge: "Wh... N-Now thou hast made me mad!"

Man: "SHUT UP!"

Cellphone: ""
TV: ""
Fridge: ""

Man: "Arguing about your functions as if you're people... Stop talking! It's annoying!"
Cellphone: "Master..."
Man: "Shut up, I'll snap you."
Cellphone: "Don't snap m" Man: "QUIET."

Bed: "Master, you must be tired..."
Man: "I said shut it! Any more talking and I'll toss you out!"
All: "!"
Door: "B-But, master..."
Man: "Do you even listen?"
Door: "I shall be quiet. But there's one thing I want to say."
Man: "Hm?"

Door: "I implore you to chase after her."
Man: "Huh?"
Door: "I am certain she is waiting for you, master."
Man: "What do you mean...?"
Door: "If you go now, I think you can make it."
Man: "Shut up."
Door: "But, master!"
Man: "Shut up!"
Door: "...Understood."
Door: "We will not talk to you again, master."
Door: "I hope you can be happy with her..."
Man: "Hmph..."

Man: "..."
Man: "..."
Man: "..."
Man: "...Should I really go?" *click*
Man: "I'm off." *thud*
Man: "Hmph, they're really not going to say anything..."
Man: "A test of endurance, huh? Well, you're gonna lose! Smell ya!"

Woman: "So he hates me after all..." *trudge*
Woman: "And I was trying so hard, too..." *glum*
Woman: "Oh, a car..."

Woman: "Ow! So this is what it's like to be run over..."
Man: "Stupid, I wouldn't run you over."
Woman: "Oh, it's Man... Man?!"
Woman: "Why are you here?"
Man: "Same to you! Why are you wandering out in the middle of the road...?"

Woman: "Because... because... I thought you hated me... Waaah..." *sniff*
Man: "That'd be news to me."
Woman: "...?" *sniffle*
Woman: "I mean, you got mad at me when I talked to you, so..."
Man: "It was like you said... I think I was just tired."
Woman: "Huh?"

Door: "Just as planned." *doaaa*

Car: "Yikes, you made me freak!"

Man: "So I've got to apologize for before. I'm really sorry."
Woman: "Man..."
Man: "I'm not even sure I heard everything you were saying, so could you tell me again?"
Woman: "Err... I asked if you wanted to talk to me about anything..."
Man: "I see... Well, maybe it's a little sudden, but could we?"
Woman: "...Yes!"

Woman: "What do you want to talk about? I'll listen to anything!"
Man: "Right... Well, there's someone in my life I really like, but I don't know how to tell them."
Woman: "Huh...?" *droop*
Woman: "There's someone you like...?"
Man: "Yeah. What? Is that bad?"
Woman: "Er, not necessarily..."

Woman: "What kind of person is she...?"
Man: "Huh? Hm, well..."
Man: "Well, she's someone from work."
Woman: "I see... There are a lot of cute girls there."
Man: "Also, she's very thoughtful."
Man: "She got some tea for me when I was thirsty, even when I didn't ask her to."
Man: "When I didn't have my umbrella, she let me use hers, and she even did her best to hold it high despite being shorter than me..."
Man: "Also, maybe you don't know it, but she's starting to tear up in front of me."
Woman: "Huh...?"

Man: "She can't make much more than fried rice, but being so cute, I'm wondering if I might like her."
Woman: "Just... wondering...?" *glum*
Man: "Kidding. I love you."
Woman: "....."
Woman: "HUHHH?!"

Man: "Well? Surprised?"
Woman: "...N-No way! You have to be joking!"
Man: "I'm not."
Woman: "But, but! I thought you hated..."
Woman: "!"
Man: "If I hated you, would I do this?"
Man: "I'm pretty shy, you know."
Woman: "Man..."
Woman: "I don't know about that..."


Woman: "Ah, this should be far enough."
Man: "Huh? Can't I take you further?"
Woman: "No, I'm too shy to handle holding hands with you for much longer..."
Man: "Ah, right. Well, take care." *twirl*
Woman: "...Um, wait!"
Man: "What?"
Woman: "I, um... look forward to getting to know you!"
Man: "Right. Good night."

Man: "I'm home!" *click*
Man: "I'm glad I chased after her like you told me to, door..." *thud*
Man: "There's no way I'd be dating her now if I hadn't."
Man: "So thanks, door."
Man: "...Still the silent treatment?"
Man: "Whatever, I'm patient enough to win this."

Man: "You were being pretty frank urging me to confess, cellphone..."
Man: "But it's thanks to you I have a girlfriend now."
Man: "...You gonna stay on silent?"
Man: "Hahaha... Lots of you taking part, huh."

Man: "Wonder what's on TV..." *click*
Man: "Remote's not saying anything... You're competing, too?"
Man: "I'm gonna be lonely soon enough. Hey, TV!"
Man: "...Where's that lovable accent?"

Man: "Come on, you've gotta talk someday, guys."
Man: "Going to bed for today." *flick*
Man: "...? I don't hear that gasp..."
Man: "Sheesh... all of you guys... good night, bed."
Man: "...come on..." *zzz*

Several Years Later

Man: "Now that I'm married to her, we've got our own home now..."
Man: "But you're still silent, huh?"
Man: "Hey, guys! Hey!"
Man: "...I'll be moving out tomorrow."
Man: "I honestly don't want to leave without a goodbye..."

Mover: "We're all ready."
Man: "Ah, thanks. You go on ahead."
Mover: "Understood."
Man: "...Time to say farewell today, door."
Man: "You never ended up talking back, but I talked to you every day."
Man: "Guess I lose, then. You've always been good at that. Strong of will."
Man: "I'm not sure what to say but... You were a good door. No, there's nobody else like you."
Man: "So... bye."

Several More Years Later

Man: "She's on a trip with the kids, so I'm all alone..."
Man: "Haven't eaten alone in a long time... Sure is lonely."

Man: "Whew, I'm beat..." *click*

Welcome back.

Man: ""
Man: "...Yeah, I'm home." *thud*

He thought he heard a familiar and strangely refined voice...

The End

This is the OP.

Thank you for keeping with me to the end of this improvised short story.

I feel like it's remarkably similar to something else... Sorry about that.
I wasn't aware of it while writing, though.

Again, thank you very much for reading.


Just finished.

I haven't read one of these to the end in a long time...
Good job. I really liked it.

You're very attached to your things, huh...

Posted July 6th, 2012


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