Dark Lord: "Thanks for the follow!"

A story from Twitter... I mean, 2ch.


Dark Lord: @hero Thanks for the follow!
Hero: u 2! im kind of a twitter newb tho but thx!
Dark Lord: @hero You can address someone directly with @ID.
Hero: @ID like this??
Dark Lord: @hero Surely you're joking...
Hero: @darklord errrm... well i got it now lol

Hero: @darklord im a newb but thx ^^ like that?
Dark Lord: @hero Haha, yes, that's better.
Dark Lord: @hero Mwahaha...
Hero: @darklord waht?
Dark Lord: @hero Well, it's just that your name's "Hero"...
Hero: @darklord what's it mean to u? lol

Dark Lord: @hero Well, it's not as if you'd be a real hero... right?
Hero: @darklord ya, no way a real hero wud be on twitter
Dark Lord: @hero Naturally. Similarly, I'm not a real dark lord either.
Hero: @darklord lol geez man dont have to get defensive

Hero: @darklord i got on twitter sinse its popular but i wuz kinda wondering who 2 follow
Dark Lord: @hero Hm, I see.
Hero: @darklord and i saw a guy wit a stupid name like mine... so i followed u! ><
Dark Lord: @hero Well, excuse you... Mwaha.

Hero: @darklord ur follwoin lots of peeps eh mr dark lord?
Dark Lord: @hero I've been on Twitter a long time, and I follow humans and monsters alike. I enjoy the diversity.
Hero: @darklord u read all there tweets??
Dark Lord: @hero Of course not! But I did make a list for those monsters I talk to most often.

Hero: @darklord list?
Dark Lord: @hero Google it.
Hero: @darklord dark lord is rite... u won't teach me nothin
Dark Lord: @hero F-Fine, but it's not like I Googled it for you or anything! >< http://www.greenspace.info/twitter/
Hero: @darklord whoa man das a lil too nice if u know wat i mean
Dark Lord: @hero Why, you...
Hero: @darklord lololol

Hero: @darklord real talk tho thx! guess i shud start tweeting things now
Dark Lord: @hero Such as "exterminating dark lord rn"?
Hero: @darklord thatd be messed up man
Dark Lord: @hero Naturally.
Hero: @darklord well im guna go offline soon! thx for ur help! ^^
Dark Lord: @hero I hope to seeing you around.
Hero: @darklord yea!

Hero: "Man, I wasn't expecting to be so nervous about starting on Twitter..."
Hero: "Whew... Reminds me of my first time fighting a monster."
Hero: "Seems there's good people on there, though, so it should be fun."
Hero: "But I think I oughta keep the fact I'm seriously a hero secret..."

Dark Lord: "Well... I ought to retire soon myself."
Dark Lord: "Should I put @hero on my main list? We may talk often in the future."
Dark Lord: "But for a "Hero" and a "Dark Lord" to get along so well... Rather curious, that."
Dark Lord: "For now, I'd better keep the fact I'm also a dark lord in real life a secret."

Hero: got up
Hero: eating
Hero: poopin
Hero: eating
Hero: snacking
Hero: eating

Dark Lord: @hero Might you be a NEET?
Hero: @darklord nuhuh!!
Dark Lord: @hero It's just that looking back through your tweets for today, it's all "eating" and whatnot...
Hero: @darklord well maybe theres nothin else 2 say 2day wat a kinkidink!
Dark Lord: @hero Kinkidink?
Hero: @darklord dude das gay ><
Dark Lord: @hero Oh... (´・ω・`)

Hero: @darklord neway point is im not a neet. im just on a quest
Dark Lord: @hero Really? A quest on your own?
Hero: @darklord only alone 4 rite now
Dark Lord: @hero Might you be, er, searching for yourself, maybe?
Hero: @darklord well im a hero questin to save teh world aftr all!
Dark Lord: @hero Oh... (´・ω・`)

Hero: @darklord sry i dont wanna talk about it that much, i rlly want sum companons tho
Dark Lord: @hero Well, there aren't many travelers around in this day and age.
Hero: @darklord that dosnt mean i shud be alone tho! gotta be pretty busty girls out there to come with!
Dark Lord: @hero Those pretty girls have the right to choose, you know.
Hero: @darklord shaddup!!

Dark Lord: "A quest...? Perhaps he's a merchant or the like? I'm intrigued, but a bit worried..."
Dark Lord: "Let's see... "Be sure to watch out for wild monsters." Funny I should be saying that, but..."

Hero: ""thx ^^^" ... But grr, what a jerk...!"
Hero: "I swear, I'm gonna find a companion and show him up!"

Dark Lord: Good morning. Another cold one today. Working with a runny nose.
Hero: @darklord back 2 work u...
Dark Lord: @hero I am working, believe me!
Hero: @darklord if u were workin u wudn't reply in a cuple 2nds lol
Dark Lord: @hero Grr...

Can Hero be a guy and Dark Lord be a girl?

^ It doesn't really make a difference, but I guess we'll say they're both guys?

Dark Lord: @hero Regardless, I am most certainly working right now.
Hero: @darklord o rly. like wat if u dont mind me askin?
Dark Lord: @hero How should I say it... It's kind of a management position.
Hero: @darklord betr not get addictd 2 twitter then lol
Dark Lord: @hero Oh, I'll be fine. No one ever takes up complaint with me.
Hero: @darklord isnt that a problem lol

Hero: @darklord so management... think u'd hire me if i wanted?
Dark Lord: @hero As long as you're healthy.
Hero: @darklord 4 real? easy peasy
Dark Lord: @hero It's an simple job where you're worked to the bone by a dark lord. ^^
Hero: @darklord dont break any labor laws man!

Dark Lord: @hero Dare I say that labor laws are just for show. Bigshots don't understand them.
Hero: @darklord scary thing for a bigshot to say rofl
Dark Lord: @hero Well, if you're ever tired of questing, come for an interview. I can DM you the details.
Hero: @darklord DM?
Dark Lord: @hero Direct message. It's for private discussions.
Hero: @darklord oh ok. well maybe when im real desprite lol
Dark Lord: @hero Very well. ^^

Dark Lord: "If he's a powerful monster, he might be good as a number two... This industry's always short on them."
Dark Lord: "I wish he really would apply..."

Hero: "A company with a manager who openly fools around on Twitter...? Talk about doomed to bankruptcy."
Hero: "But I'll keep it in mind as a last resort occupation... Not that I think heroism is going anywhere anytime soon!"

Dark Lord: @hero At any rate, you're rather stuck on Twitter yourself, Hero...
Hero: @darklord not tru, im walking 2 the next town rn!
Dark Lord: @hero Walking? You don't have a carriage or anything?
Hero: @darklord uh i guess i could get a carage but... not yet i guess
Dark Lord: @hero You can get one anywhere, surely?
Hero: @darklord well its more about my resrouces lol
Dark Lord: @hero At any rate, does this mean you're on a cellphone?

Dark Lord: "..."
Dark Lord: "@hero stopped replying... Perhaps he lost signal while climbing a mountain?"
Dark Lord: "Or perhaps he got eaten by a monster. May he rest in peace..."

Hero: "Haaah... hah... I won!"
Hero: "I knew questing with one eye on a cellphone was a bad idea... If I weren't a hero, I'd have died from that sneak attack!"
Hero: "Damn, what a world we live in when we can't even read Twitter in peace... I've got to set it right!"

Hero: takin it ez in town
Dark Lord: @hero So you're not dead. Good job.
Hero: @darklord dont have a funeral yet lol, just gonna eat then snooze! neway i was on cell but laptop rn!
Dark Lord: @hero Ahah, I see. Well, get rested!
Hero: @darklord thx but my neihbors r being noisy so i dunno how thats gonna go

Dark Lord: @hero Ah... That's unfortunate. Perhaps you could be bothered to talk to the innkeeper?
Hero: @darklord no innkeeper its a net cafe
Dark Lord : @hero A net cafe?! That's where you're lodging?!
Hero: @darklord never sed it was a luxureyous quest
Dark Lord: @hero ...I feel like I should apologize.
Hero: @darklord watr u sry 4? its ok rly
Dark Lord: @hero I just wasn't quite aware of your hardships... Will it be okay with your "neighbors"?

Hero: @darklord well i mean if they were just noisy i culd put up with it
Dark Lord: @hero Are you implying they're a couple?
Hero: @darklord yea i think i herd them smooching. makes me wanna kill somethin
Dark Lord: @hero Mm... hm. ^^;
Hero: @darklord i cud just complain to somebody but that wudn't be rite... its a crime i just cant 4give!
Dark Lord: @hero How heroic! Rife with jealousy, but very heroic! You have my support!

Hero: @darklord so lay sum advice on me!
Dark Lord: @hero A sudden request... Hmm. Perhaps play porn videos at max volume?
Hero: @darklord sumething that wont make the clerk mad
Dark Lord: @hero Naturally. Try knocking on the wall and coughing?
Hero: @darklord somethign that wont make me look lame
Dark Lord: @hero Then how should I know!

Hero: @darklord i put on headphones and now it doesnt bug me. good job me, im invincble
Dark Lord: @hero I think that's a rather clear-cut defeat.
Hero: @darklord i left the battl with my pride entact so skru u! now gime some videos 2 watch!
Dark Lord: @hero Certainly. How about this? Uncensored lolis! ^^ http://*****/littlegirls
Hero: @darklord woah thx, ur a true friend!!

Hero: @darklord im gonna kill you.
Dark Lord: @hero I didn't lie to you.
Hero: @darklord i thought the thumbnail was fake but dammit the whole things just baby monsters playing with a ball of yarn!!
Dark Lord: @hero Aww, but it's so cute. It's one of my favorite videos. (´д`*)
Hero: @darklord i mean its cute but... i mean...

Dark Lord: @hero Well, sorry to disappoint. You can put away your stick, hero. ^^
Hero: @darklord i think u mean SWORD. now gimme some real uncensored lolis
Dark Lord: @hero You're getting pushy. I'll remove you.
Hero: @darklord geez im sry ok
Dark Lord: @hero It's not loli, but I do have this. http://*****/succubus

Hero: @darklord whew... sry but im not intrested
Dark Lord: @hero Then how do you explain your half-hour of absence?
Hero: @darklord bed now goodnite
Dark Lord: @hero Good night, wise one. Don't catch a cold.

Dark Lord: "You know, I've never been to a net cafe. Perhaps I should visit one someday, just for reference."
Dark Lord: "But @hero certainly seems to have it rough, doesn't he..."

Hero: ".....Whew."

Hero: wont be on twitter 4 a fewdays cuz of a job. hope 2 talk when im back ^^
Dark Lord: @hero Oho, that sounds harsh. Good luck.
Hero: @darklord thx a lot! im gone

Dark Lord: "That @hero's always busy with questing and work. But I have my own things to attend to."
Dark Lord: "Yes, yes, I'll be there in a moment. Just wait!"
Dark Lord: "Sheesh... A hero attacking me now, really? Way to kill the mood..."

Hero: "Alright, this is do or die time!"
Hero: "When I win, I'll spill the beans on Twitter... "I was the hero all along!" @darklord will have to crack a smile at that!"
Hero: "Man, I'm pumped! You better be ready, dark lord!"

Dark Lord: RT @monsterNews Dark Lord dominates hero! Exclusive interview with victorious Dark Lord! [Article link]
Dark Lord: I sure am great! Mwaha.
Hero: @darklord fu dark lord... im a hero so i gotta say that. wats RT?
Dark Lord: @hero It's for quoting another person's tweet. Your tweets can travel all over Twitter that way. So, is your job done?
Hero: @darklord oh its over in more ways then 1
Dark Lord: @hero Sounds like trouble... Well, good work anyway.

Hero: @darklord dosn't help my boss sux... i tried supr hard and hes all "thou can'st go n fail me"
Dark Lord: @hero I haven't heard much, but that sounds harsh... Hang in there. Things are great here, meanwhile. Sure you won't switch jobs?
Hero: @darklord real talk i was considerin it
Dark Lord: @hero Don't push yourself too hard, now.
Hero: @darklord gotcha thx

I feel their first IRL meeting may not go well...

Dark Lord: "That poor @hero... I wish him the best."
Dark Lord: "Still, my own work is going exceedingly well."
Dark Lord: "I could probably slack off with no worry... Ah? You want to talk? Later, later... Geez, fine, what is it?"

Hero: "Sigh... Maybe I really should switch jobs. I keep dying again and again, and I never get a word of pity..."
Hero: "I guess it was a bad idea to slack on leveling up and spend my time on Twitter instead..."
Hero: "But @darklord posting that interview... What a jerk. Show some pity for me first!"
Hero: "Huh... The dark lord's getting slammed on anonymous message boards... Even if he's my enemy, I do feel bad for the guy."

Dark Lord: Wanting to destroy the world.
Hero: @darklord thoght u sed things were goin well lol wat happened??
Dark Lord: @hero One of my subordinates got mad at me.
Hero: @darklord lol aint u a bigshot mr manager
Dark Lord: @hero He told me that success was making me a cocky fool.
Hero: @darklord gj dude u sure aint afraid of getting fired
Dark Lord: @hero I wonder if I could fire ALL my subordinates...
Hero: @darklord woa bigger gj to u man

Dark Lord: @hero Check your DMs.
Hero: @darklord ??

— DM —
Dark Lord: Where are you now? I can get there quick with magic. Want to go drinking? I'll pay.

Hero: "Whoaaa..."
Hero: "Is this really... an invitation to meet offline?"
Hero: "What should I... what should I do...?!"

Hero: @darklord replyd
Dark Lord: @hero Thanks.

— DM —
Hero: im at ___ town. dunno any good places but yeah sounds fun
Dark Lord: I'll look into establishments in the area. I should stand out... I look rather dark lord-ish, mwaha.
Hero: for real?? lol well ill look pretty herolike
Dark Lord: Looking forward to it!

Dark Lord: @hero Well, that said... Hope to see you there!
Hero: @darklord ya thx
Dark Lord: @hero I'll DM you my cellphone number so we can keep in contact.
Hero: @darklord gotcha! find us a good meal!
Dark Lord: @hero Just leave it to me.

Dark Lord: "AREN'T YOU THE HERO?!?"

Hero: "..."
Dark Lord: "..."
Hero: "...Hey, don't just drink, say something!"
Dark Lord: "...No, you start."
Hero: "Don't get pushy, you tried to kill me the other day!"
Dark Lord: "You just revived at the start point. What does it matter?"
Hero: "It still sucks..."

Hero: "Hey! You!"
Dark Lord: "Me?"
Hero: "I see you tweeting "Boy, this is awkward..." there!"
Dark Lord: "Says the one tweeting "wanna run away rn"?"
Hero: "Well, it's true."
Dark Lord: "And I didn't expect this. So I'm being truthful too."

Hero: "So... seriously? @darklord, you're seriously the dark lord?"
Dark Lord: "Seriously. But saying that, does it mean you're truly the hero...? Inconceivable."
Hero: "Of course I'm a hero!"
Dark Lord: "A remarkably weak one, though..."
Hero: "I got bored of leveling up. The reward wasn't worth it, so I lost motivation."
Dark Lord: "How this hero has fallen..."
Hero: "I didn't want to hear that from you of all people..."

The music playing in the restaurant:

Hero: "So your subordinate getting mad at you... Was it over that interview?"
Dark Lord: "Indeed. They were setting fire to everything. I wonder why?"
Hero: "When you look that smug about it, it's bound to incite rebellion..."
Dark Lord: "Ridiculous. If I have the power to back it up, shouldn't I be allowed that?"
Hero: "Maybe it was just the killing blow to your lack of popularity."
Dark Lord: "....."
Hero: "Don't give me the silent treatment! Say you're sorry!"

Dark Lord: "Argh, this just ticks me off. It makes me want to kill all my underlings and start a new era."
Hero: "A lonely new era that'd be. That'd make you happy?"
Dark Lord: "Shut up. I felt like everything was going so well, then I just suddenly lost all motivation..."
Hero: "You must be at an age where you just want to settle down."
Dark Lord: "I couldn't possibly."
Hero: "Man, you're a pain in the butt..."

These guys sure get along...

Hero: "Well, while we're out here. Wanna go on a quest together?"
Dark Lord: "Are you... Really?"
Hero: "I mean, we're both bored, and it's good to have someone along for a quest."
Dark Lord: "No, I don't think so. Instead, you become MY underling. We can skip the interview entirely."
Hero: "No, I don't think that's gonna fly..."

Dark Lord: "You wish to give up being a hero, yes? It would certainly explain our getting along."
Hero: "I guess we did ease up surprisingly quick, but that could be the beer... Still, I can't do that. It's just ethics."
Dark Lord: "Aha... Then we'll do this."
Hero: "Uh?"
Dark Lord: "We'll decide it on Twitter."
Hero: "Huh?"

Dark Lord: [Spread the Word] If This Gets 1000 RTs Before @hero, Hero Becomes My Servant [@darklord & @hero Battle]

Hero: [Spread the Word] If This Gets 1000 RTs Before @darklord, Dark Lord Becomes My Servant [@darklord & @hero Battle]

Hero: "You're stupid."
Dark Lord: "You agreed to it as well, stupid."
Hero: "I guess that settles it. ...Wait... Hey, wait..."
Dark Lord: "Hm?"
Hero: "Don't you have a humongous advantage since you have so many followers?"
Dark Lord: "Everything going just as planned rn."
Hero: "Wh..."

Hero: i lost so im quitting bein a hero...
Dark Lord: I got a new servant! ^^ RT @hero i lost so im quitting bein a hero...


Reminds me of that movie... You've Got Mail, I think? That was a man and woman, though.
Anyway, this was great!

Posted August 29th, 2012


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