Now playing The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask.

I told myself I wasn't going to do a Zelda game because it wasn't worth it. Then I started doing it anyway because I really like MM, but told myself I wouldn't bother detailing it here. But then the game goes and tells me Tatl and Tael were "Trail" and "Chat." (Also Skull Kid is "Stalkid" but who really cares about that.)

Apparently Deku Nuts and Deku Scrubs are both called "Deku Nuts." I feel bad for neglecting them AND using them now.

Oh, never mind, Deku Nut items are "mi," not "nattsu." Still weird.

Apparently the bubbles Deku Link shoots are soap bubbles. Not... sure how that works. But hey, insert "Deku Scrub" joke!

Awesome, guessed the Bomber's password instead of looking for potential interesting things in the hide and seek game. I'm just hardcore like that.

"Shall we da~nsu?" (No) "oh SORRY that's too bad." (Yes) "oh YEAAAH! We'll forget the time! Let's DA~NSU!" (Both "oh"s are lowercase and English for some reason.) And then he'll "see you, baby!"

I don't think the diamond for the third day said "Last." Isn't it "Final" in English? I guess it makes sense since they say "Dawn of the Final Day" but that's so weird. If I were them, I'd probably just say "Dawn of the Last Day," but that's probably why I'm not translating Zelda games.

Not really that important, but the "Dawn of the Second Day" screen calls it the "Next" Day. A little weird.

The way the Skull Kid just kind of falls back and lets go of the Ocarina almost makes me think he's going, "wait, are you REALLY trying to shoot me with soap bubbles?"

I like how "mask screen" is "o-men gamen," with "men" being the same kanji in both.

The Inverted Song of Time is the "Song of Time's Speed" and the Double Song of Time is the "Song of Repeated Time."

You know, Link has no problem putting on and removing transformation masks in front of people, so why is changing form in Twilight Princess such a problem? I guess young Link doesn't care as much about freaking people out as Midna.

Alternatively, because Link is unstuck in time, he's become jaded and believes that it doesn't matter what he does; he won't be able to change anyone's fate. The moon fell, and it always will fall. And everyone in Termina dies. So it goes.

From what I can tell, yes, the banker actually stamps how many Rupees you have on you with his special ink. Even if that's the only reason it survives time travel, why does he remember you?

After noon and midnight, the hour is "0," not "12." Makes sense, kind of. (It also means 0-JI (REI-IJI) from Touhou-A-Live might technically be "Midnight," which is actually a pretty cool name for a sentient, murderous computer.)

"YAAAY!" *flush* Also, the notebook calls him "??", but when you get the heart piece, it says "you helped XXX in their time of crisis!"

Not like anyone questioned this, per se, but the Bremen Mask is technically just the "Burei Mask," or "Rude Mask." And since it's rude, it's not "_ no O-men" like all the other masks, but "Burei-men," dropping the polite "no" and "o." I'm not sure if it's a mistranslation or if that's simply the best they could come up with to deal with it. (It's not a particularly good "best.")

Also, the guy who gives you the mask is "Guru Guru," which is (along with "kurukuru," which is very slightly different) a spinning onomatopoeia.

"Good thing the king hasn't been rash and kidnapped that poor monkey or anything!
...
...No way...
...Really?"

Awesome, the Deku Princess actually talks as if she's been squished inside a bottle while inside the bottle. I bet the translator there just assumed she had a bizarre accent like the majority of Japanese video game characters and made it pretty normal.

The Goron Link "Curl" command is "Maru Mari." That's intense. (Literally just "curl into ball," but still, Link is Metroid.)

Powder Kegs are "Big Bombs." Um.

The lady at the dog racetrack calls dogs "Wan-chan." No "number wan" joke, though, not even if you get first place.

The Stone Mask is more like the "Pebble Mask," named such because no one notices pebbles lying around. Still not sure why the mask looks like it does, though, because that's kind of attention-grabbing.

Mikau goes "one two three oh baby" too, of course. And ends his final message with "JAAA~N! ARIGATOOO!"

"W-Where did you get this letter?!" "From a mailbox!" "That's not what I meant! From a mailbox where?!" "From a mailbox somewhere!" "That's not what I meant!"

I wasn't really paying attention, so I'm not sure, but seeing as the Stock Pot Inn is like "Pots and Pans Inn," I think Anju calls the room she gives you the "Knife" room. I'll check when I do the quest again once I can actually finish it!

I still don't get the beaver with a flashing spinning pinwheel belt and tiny spinning pinwheels over his eyes.

There is still no good strategy for Guyorgu. Seriously.

Rai, rai, wear Kafei's mask, slash some bushes. Rai, rai, Keaton and haato piece.

"Your room is the "Knife Area" on the second floor." So yeah.

"Linwa-goro? We haven't had any such reservation. Although there was a very similar one..."

The Indigo-Gos are "Dal Blue," whatever that means. Also Toto says "Standard Number Wind Fish" but I don't know what Link's Awakening calls it.

YES I'm so awesome. I forgot the postman was really slow and took until 8:30 to deliver the express mail, so Kafei had already gone into Sakon's hideout. But I glitched through the crack in the door and did it anyway.

Gibdos sinking into the ground as the music box music "SO LONG GIBDO" plays is still an awesome cutscene.

I just noticed there's a Gibdo-fied teddy bear in the closet with the half-Gibdo guy.

King Ikana's name in the English version is "Igos du Ikana." His literal Japanese name is "Igosu do Ikana." Yep, it's "sugoi" backwards. HE'S THE KING OF COOL

The Elegy of Emptiness is just the "Elegy of Skin-Shedding." Speaking of which hollow Link has the creepiest face ever.

The Stone Tower is the "Rock Building." Now that's just lame.

Man, I never even THOUGHT about that. The kids on the moon want to play hide and seek, and the Majora kid wants to play tag. Tag in Japanese is "oni-gokko," literally "pretend oni," and being "the oni" is being "it." So of course, you get the Fierce Deity Mask... (In fact, the kanji for that is just "oni" plus "god.")

Everyone's gone away, huh...?
Will you... play with me?
You don't have any more masks, do you...?
Well, let's play another game.
Shall we play... oni-gokko...? Yes, that will be fine.
"You got the Fierce Deity Mask! A mask worn by an oni? Try it on with C."
Ready...? You're the oni. Everyone just runs from the oni... But that's fine, right?
Now...
Shall we?

Oh and Majora's Wrath is actually more like "Majora's Demon" or something.

DAWN OF THE NEW DAY

Just to clear it up...

Zelda II: "I am Error." "I am Bug." Get it? I guess the translators didn't, because he's actually "Bagu." Now why did they use the town names as OoT sages but not those brilliant names?

Link to the Past: "Please, save Princess Zelda. Y-You are the princess's... ..." It definitely doesn't say "destiny" or "sister."

Ocarina of Time: The Deku Tree password is "nii-san ichiban." One-two-three are ichi-ni-san, but "nii-san" means "brother" and "ichiban" is "number one." I'm not sure who nii-san is supposed to refer to in this case but it's still kind of clever.

Now playing Final Fantasy VI minus III.

Man, I sure am gonna miss Woolsey's Kefka and so on, though. Oh well, I'll cope in my own way.

What? The girl you start playing as is ???????!? I thought she was ???! Wait, or was it ??????! THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

Thankfully, Terra's name is still Terra. Yep, that's even exactly how it's romanized! Of course.

Okay, what? Guys, it's "Ke-fu-ka." Why the hell do people insist it's spelled with C's? I thought it would at least be "Sefuka" or something.

Oh, and Locke's name is pretty much exactly the same, too! Lo-k-ku-e. That's one of the great things about this game - almost all the names were normal enough for English audiences, so they were kept intact.

Okay, temporarily not pretending none of the names changed, because I also don't get why everyone says the original name for Moogles is "Mogri" when "Moggly" is a much cooler name. Was there an official romanization somewhere? Because I've discovered that those usually shouldn't be trusted. (I mean, seriously, Locke is pronounced exactly the same as Lock...)

"Why are you being so kind to me? Is it because of my power?" "Well, first of all, it would be because your beauty has captivated me! Second, I get the feeling you're my type... I guess your magical ability would follow."

Well, that's weird. Edgar literally wonders if his "technique" is "getting rusty." Didn't think they would use an expression like that.

Phooey... Emperor Gestahl's LOUSY orders...
Edgar, you wretch! Why'd you build your decrepit castle out in the middle of nowhere?!
And what does he think he's doing sending ME to do reconnaissance?!
...Ahem... there's SAND on my boots!
Soldier: "Sir! All clean!"
*laugh*
What a bore!!
Guard: "Sir Kefka? What business have you...?"
Out of my way!!
Edgar: "What has Emperor Gestahl sent his magician Kefka here for?"
A girl of no importance escaped from the grasp of the Empire, and we heard she found her way here.
Edgar: "You wouldn't happen to mean that girl with the power of magic everyone's been going on about...?"
No, no connection. But that said... is she here?
Edgar: "Well...
The girls here ARE as numerous as the stars... so who can say?"
I wish only the best for you, then... Uwheeheehee...
Oh, truly do I pray that your Figaro should never crumble!

I think I could get used to this. What with getting to listen to Kefka's theme as I translate.

Hand over the girl!
Edgar: "I don't know what you're talking about!"
Then stay here and fry in my barbecue! Uwheeheehee!
...
Have you made your decision?
Edgar: "I guess I'll have to...
*jumps onto Chocobo*
Ha! Or not!"
Oh, my! So our great king has turned tail to save himself!
What a pleasant sight! Uwheeheehee!
< WRETCHED figaro submerging scene >
After them! DISPOSE of them!!
< magitek armor battle, including the magic scene - MA-MA-MA-MA-MA-MAHOU?! >
Edgar: "Bravo, Figaro!"
Uwheeeee!! KUSO SON OF A SUBMARINER! You SHALL pay DEARLY for this!!

(Note to translators: Anyone who thinks "kuso" is always, undoubtedly equivalent to a swear? Look up "mimikuso." Holy kuso, they'll take any excuse to swear, won't they?!)

(Also, the ultimate villain being a constantly-swearing guy who dresses like a clown... especially named Cefca is just really dumb to me. What kind of madman resorts to swears? Anyway, enough of that, you get what I'm trying to say.)

"Was that a bad person?" Yes, Terra, but he was the most likable bad person ever. You think Kefka's good, but you know the REASON he's good is because he's bad.

Ah, yes! I used to have a turtle...

The first thing Edgar remarks when he goes into Sabin's cabin (oh geez) is "What's this smell...?"

It's "Le-te" River. So no, it's not the "1337 River," gosh.

What's this, what's this?!
< battle >
Ohyo-hyo!
Not lettin' you through here!
No passy! No passy!
I'm such a meanie, huh?
< fire >
Ayayayaaaiii!!
You tryin' to make octopus soup outta me?!
< battling >
What a cute lil' girl...
Can't help my excitement...
Hoh!
< battle over >
Geh, heh... glub glub glub...

Ahem, you! You ARE guarding this base, correct?
Soldier: "Y-Yes, sir. So... y-you are Sir Kefka? Are you d-doing well, sir?"
Hmph! What kind of greeting is that?! Am I WELL?! If you aren't doing your job and keeping watch, I can tell you who WON'T be feeling well!

Shadow: "Nyaaan..."

"General Leo... he may be an enemy, but he's a good enough man to be my friend."
...
As soon as General Leo's gone, I'll give this river a little poison...! One touch, and it's death for them! Uwheehee...
Leo: "I've been invited by the emperor to return to my own land. In the meantime, don't do anything I'd consider a mistake."
Just try to tell me that when you're not around!
Leo: "Don't try anything cowardly. Even enemy soldiers are still human. Do not forget that."
I find it hard to have sympathy for the land of the Returners! We would've had no problems without their meddling!
Be a good little boy... HMPH!
...
Is the poison ready?
Soldier: "But General Leo said we shouldn't..."
Well, he's not HERE, now is he? I'M on top of things now, and I say POISON!
Soldier: "But some of our own troops are in Doma Castle! If we poison the water..."
Who CARES! If we're recruiting morons who got captured by the enemy, just LET them die!
"I can't let you do that!!"
Feh, annoying loser! I'll give you a beating!
...
Owww-wooow!!
"Wait! Kefka!!!"
"Wait," he says! Do I look like a waiter the kind to WAIT?!
...
Hahhh, hahhh, hahhh... you truly are persistent pests!!
...
Hmph! I don't have an eternity to fight you!! Next time we meet, it's not happening!!
...
Grrr! Hey! How about you [soldiers] do something useful?!
..
Uwheehee... I'm soon to hear an orchestra of screams, all for me...!

I like how the shop ghost on the Phantom Train is like "WHADDYA WANT?!" and "HOW MUCHYA WANT?!" I mean, I think all the shops are like that, but still, it's weird.

I also like how Cyan can fuse with Sabin so Sabin can jump across the roofs without Cyan needing to have the same jumping ability.

I have to wonder exactly what kind of effect detaching the back cars (and suplexing the train, for that matter) has on the normal course of netherworldly business. I guess it can't be too bad, though, if there's an easily-accessible switch for it.

"Ziekfried?" At least, I'm pretty sure that's not how Siegfried is spelt. I remember there being some weird, not very well explained thing about Siegfried having an impersonator.

"URYARYARYARYA!! Pant, pant, pant... how was that?!"

Is there any way of fighting the Phantom Train other than suplexing it, then using Phoenix Down? No, there is not.

Gau gets hung up on Cyan using the polite "gozaru" all the time and calls Sabin "Gozaru." (No, not "Gozaru-san," unfortunately.) Unlike the HORRID ELIZABETHAN ENGLISH they gave Frog which made him a FLOWERY BUFFOON and SO MUCH LESS REAL, Cyan's way of speaking was actually pretty deserved.

The password choices in South Figaro are "Wild Rose," "Courage," and "Frustration."

Naturally, no Star Wars reference if you rescue Celes dressed as a soldier. :<

Do whatever you must to get a hold of that Esper!!
Soldier: "Sir Kefka, the citizens..."
Citizens?! Just kill them all!
Soldier: "But Narshe is a neutral..."
Moron!!
Understood?! Show no sympathy! All that oppose DIE! Go!!

"I was artificially given my magic powers." "But are you able... to love?" "?????" Terra, stop being awkward and making me want to reuse jokes.

(I've been consulting the retranslation script sometimes, but only so I don't have to look up as much kanji. So I noticed that for that line, it says "are people like us able to be loved?" Come on, at least lern2japanesegrammar before doing your PERFECT TRANSLATION. There seem to be lots of similar mistakes, in addition to the awful wording and abusing of swears. They'd only have an excuse for this if they had to do it in 30 days.)

Oho... so I face off with the traitorous General Celes as well...
Perfect... I'll be able to deal with all of you at once!!
Go!! Knock down these worms!!
...
Guh...!
Don't think this means you've won!
Gaaah! I'll REMEMBER this!!!

Awesome, the guy near the entrance to Jidoor actually does say it's the "westmost town on the world map." Although Zozo looks a little more west-er. Of course, if it was clearly further west, that would be kind of cool because it would imply Zozo isn't even on most maps.

The Zozo clock puzzle is still weird. Just throwing that out there.

I like Celes's little 16-bit sprite freakout when she finally realizes what Locke's suggesting. (Also she calls acting "chara-chara"ing, presumably short for "character.")

Whoahohoho! Guess I'll pretend to be Setzer and get 'em back for our battle!
Locke: "We've got to get ready quick! We need to make Celes into a real star!"
DAAAAAGH!! Why didn't you READ IT?!?

"Uh? Why's everyone singing?"

"You messed with me before, so now I'm gonna screw up your opera! - Ultros" I'm not actually sure if this is referring to beating him up or ignoring his letter.

Whoahoho! This heavy ol' weight's goin' down on Maria's pretty head!
Nnngh! It's heavier than it looks...! It's gonna be 5 minutes 'til this thing falls!
...
Ehhh? Jerks!
< everyone falls off the rafters onto the stage, knocking out draco and ralse >
Maestro: "Oh, NO!! With these two unconscious, the story can't continue! Who's supposed to win over the princess now?!"
Locke: "The one to marry Celes will be neither Draco nor Ralse!
No, it'll be the world's greatest adventurer! The great Looocke!!"
Maestro: "Oh, my... What utterly atrocious acting!"
SHUT UUUP! You're in the presence of octopus royalty! And I'm not losin' to you! It's a DUEL! With YOU!!
Maestro: "Ehhh... Might as well improvise! Start the music!"
Been a while... I'm back again!
Miss me? Miss me?
...
No luck today, either...
Octo-sorry! [Yeah, yeah, I know.]

I'm like some kind of god! Uwheeheeheehee... I'll collect more Espers... and get more magic power out of them...
And THEN... ... ... it's time for the Warring Triad!!!
*laugh*
No more magic left in you, hm?... You're useless now!!
< tosses ifrit into a pit >
I don't need YOU, either!!
< tosses shiva into same pit >

So I see!! Magicite!! Why couldn't you make such a simple discovery, Cid?!? Now, then...
General Celes!! No need to play around anymore. Send that Magicite over to me!
Locke: "Celes! Have you been lying to us?!"
Celes: "Of course not! Trust me!"
Uwheeheehee! Traitorous... You've fooled them so well, Celes...
Celes: "Locke... Believe me..."
Locke: "I... ... ..."
NOW!!
Everyone gets to DIE!!!
Celes: "Locke... This time, I'll protect you... and... I hope you'll believe me..."
Celes! T... That's just...! STOP IT!!!
< kefka disappears, etc etc, party's trying to escape on airship >
Grrr!! I can't let this happen!!
Uwheeheehee! You can't run from me!!!

Just to put something in between Ultros and Kefka scenes, sex in the Esper world looks really weird.

Uhyohyohyo... so Emperor Gestahl spoke true! "Just let Terra go, and she'll surely open the sealed gate..."
"...!"
In short, we haven't had to get OUR hands dirty since you've danced around for us! Uwheeheehee...!
And now that you've set out my path to glory, you fools have officially outlived your use!!
"We won't let you do this, Kefka!"
Oh? You plan to challenge me? To be sure, I won't allow you to prevail!
...
It's open! It's open!
"Terra!!!"
I have a... b-b-b-bad feeling about this...
"Something's coming!!!"
What fantastic energy!!
Nwaaaaah!!!!!

Feh! To think that everyone and their mother wanted me to be locked me up in a place like this...! Gaaah!
Absolutely UNBELIEVABLE!!!
*laugh*
So boring.

I like how Strago tries to use water magic on the fire, a bunch of other people join him, and then the fire just gets bigger as if as a result of adding too much water.

Man, what is it with cute Japanese children talking in third person? Anyway, "Relm's bored..." because Strago is a fuddy-wuddy.

Heh heh heh, these shiny gold statues are mine! I'll surely please Ziekfried with these!
Ohhh, they shine, how they shine! They're sooo wooonderful...
Locke: "Freakin' Ultros! Not twice, but three times?!"
Well, I'll show you that the third time really is the charm! 'Cause I eat FAST!!
Guess who's back, back again... Pesky, ain't I?
It's just 'cause I'm an octopus!
...
Now you see why you don't mess with an angry octopus?
Sorry, sorry!
...
Relm: "Old man! I'm here...!"
Strago: "Relm! I told you to stay home!"
Relm: "As an artist, everything calls to be Mistress Relm's subject!
Heeey, so who're you?"
Ex-CUSE me? "Who'm I"?! You're talkin' 'bout the great Ultros!!
Locke: "Mistress Relm and the great Ultros... Do either of them know why they came here...?"
Relm: "Hey there, Uncle Ulty. How about I paint your portrait?"
U... ULTY?! Excuse me, I thought I SAID I'm the great Ultros!! And I don't need no stinkin' portrait!
Relm: "Awww, sniff... he won't let... he won't let me paint him...
It's fine... Relm'll just... jump down this hole..."
Terra: "Don't do that!! Don't even think about it!!!"
"Whisper, whisper..."
Terra: "What do you think you're doing? Bullying such a cute little girl! I won't let you!"
T-That's not what I... Well, what SHOULD I do?
Locke: "Ask her to paint you! Maybe she'll make you look really cool!
(Man, this is dumb...)"
... ... ... ... ... Uncle Ulty... wants you to paint his portrait!
Relm: "Eheh! Leave it to my artistic talents!"
Strago: "Anyway, get over here!"
< relm uses sketch >
That's... that's truly...
Oh, I'm nothing but a stupid octopus!

Hyohyohyo! Let them see the power of our Magitek Armor!
Leo: "Kefka! What are you doing?!"
Uwheeheehee... emperor's orders. I'm here to turn all these Espers into Magicite!
Behold! I'll show you how it's done!!
< kefka turns a bunch of espers into magicite >
What a bore!!
This isn't interesting at all! Give this town some enlivening!
< soldiers start destroying the town >
Leo: "Kefka! Stop!"
Quiet, you!
< soldier knocks down Leo >
*laugh*
Leo: "Kefka! I can't allow any more of this!"
< easy battle with Kefka >
Well done, Leo... you could have been a worthy ally...
Leo: "Where are you...? Kefka... Show yourself!!"
Emperor Gestahl... come out, now... mumble, mumble...
Gestahl: "Leo..."
Leo: "Emperor!"
Gestahl: "Leo. I apologize for tricking you. But now, you must collect Magicite. That has been my true motive..."
Leo: "But, Emperor..."
Gestahl: "Don't speak, Leo. Your feelings cannot interfere."
Uwheeheehee! Just like the Emperor says! He wanted to collect Magicite in the first place!
Leo: "Emperor, I truly don't..."
Gestahl: "Leo, I think you ought to take a little nap... No, make that a long, looong one! Uwheeheehee!"
< gestahl turns into kefka >
Leo: "!!!"
The "me" you beat... was just an illusion! And that Emperor Gestahl? An illusion, of course!
You're as gullible and clueless as ever, and always, always...
< kefka jumps on leo >
ALWAYS being such a goody two-shoes!
Leo: "K-Kefka... I ought to..."
Uwheeheehee... I'll put the Emperor's true feelings for you straight into your head, Leo!
< kefka stabs leo >
Die! Die! DIE!!
*laugh*
< the ground starts shaking >
W-What's this? I feel a terrific magic power! This is some v-very VIOLENT magical activity!
< gate to the esper world is cleared, buncha espers fly out and to the town >
Look at this! Espers every which way! Well, I'm here to welcome them!
We'll gladly accept your gracious gifts of MORE MAGICITE!
Just what I wanted! Time to turn you into Magicite!
First, let's neutralize that pesky magic power, shall we?
< spoilers: he does >
Now, little Espers. Hope you'll enjoy this as much as I do!
< more magic: the magiciting >
You think you can fight me? Very well, I'll take you on!
< ifrit fights kefka, it doesn't go so well >
If that's the best you've got, surely you can't stop me! Uwheehee!
Now turn to Magicite, and join me in forming the magical empire of Kefka!!
< ifrit is turned into magicite >
Ohohoho! Why, it's warm to the touch! What a treasure!!
So altruistic, but such a waste. Are all Espers so weak? I'm not having any fun fighting you, so you can all just come to me now!
< kefka turns the rest into magicite >
Hyohyohyo! This should be plenty of Magicite. Now I just need to head into the sealed gate to take my final treasure!
Absolutely UNBELIEVABLE!!!
*laugh*

Oh, so that's where the "IAF (Imperial Air Force)" thing came from. "Oh no! It's the Imperial Air Force!" Except that's in English and the Japanese version "(Teikoku Kuugun)" is underneath it. Not exactly sure why that of all things had to be approximated, though.

This is our final battle!
Really! Seriously!
...
So maybe I WOULD've have lost again...
But today, I've got an ultro-strong helper with me!
The great Chupon is comin' on over!
Chupon: "Fungahhh!!"
The great Chupon's a little shy, but he's super-ultro-strong!
...
Oh, you don't wanna make my master angry!
He's really frightening when he's angry!
If you're not careful, he might just eat you!

Gestahl: "You came..."
"Celes! You followed us here?"
Celes: "I came to chase down what's left of the Empire!"
Gestahl: "Ha, ha... you've come to your death. But, seeing as you've come so far... Behold! The Warring Triad!!"
< gestahl stars absorbing sparklies from the triad >
Gestahl: "Ohhh, I feel it in my veins! The power of the Warring Triad!!"
Celes: "Emperor Gestahl! Please, stop this!"
< gestahl knocks celes aside and pins the rest of the party down, celes climbs back up >
Gestahl: "Celes... you alone are special.
You and Kefka can be tasked to birthing the offspring that will build the Empire of Gestahl!"
If you're willing to kill the others, we'll allow you to join us!
*laugh*
Take this sword! And kill them!
< celes takes the sword >
Gestahl: "Well, Celes? You'll rule the world with me, won't you?"
Celes: "If my power is only used for pain... I'd prefer not to exist!"
< celes stabs kefka >
OWWW!!!
B-Blood... MY blood!!!
You cursed...!
Curse you...! CURSES upon you...!
You WRETCHED, CURSED, DAMNABLE, SPOILED BRAT! CURSE YOOOOOU!!*
Gods born only for war! Now, show me your power!!
< kefka steps in the middle of the triad >
Go on, take me! Grrr!
< the statues flash >
I don't think you HEARD me! Don't think I'm just some MORON! SHOW me your POWER!!
Gestahl: "Kefka! Stop! If the Warring Triad is disturbed, our world may disappear... There's no reason to do that!"

* I prefer "HATE HATE HATE HATE," but I did my best to be more accurate, kind of? Basically he just says "chikushou" a lot and so quickly that it just gets shortened to "chiku."
** Oh, and the part in italics only happens if you don't have Celes in your party. She ended up being one of my strongest characters by the end, though!

Gestahl: "Kefka! Have you gone mad?!?"
Mad...? Emperor! What are you saying? The time has come to show everyone the power of the Warring Triad!
Gestahl: "Not like this, Kefka! You've gone too far, and I won't let you go any further!"
What an awful thought... as a last comfort, you'd want to try some of your magic...
*laugh*
Gestahl: "What's so funny?!
Hmph, well, fine... it's most appropriate that you go down laughing, anyway!"
< firega! flare! don't work. >
Gestalh: "F... Foolish... Why won't my magic work?!?"
< meltdown doesn't work either. >
Gestahl: "K-Kefka... you're... ...
W-Why???"
< kefka knocks gestahl away >
Why? Why, because I'm standing right in the middle of the Warring Triad, of course! All magic power is absorbed by the Triad! Or didn't you notice...? Ohohohoho.
Gestahl: "...!"
Triad! I've decided this shall be your first victim! Let the emperor taste some of your power!
Gestahl: "Cease! Kefka!! Don't be a fool..."
Take this!!
< lightning strikes gestahl >
A... mazing...
< more lightning >
Terrible, TERRIBLE!! WHERE do you think you're aiming?!?
< lightning pretty close to gestahl >
More! Left, more to the left!!
< more lightning >
Run, run! Or you'll be well-done!!*
< lightning hits gestahl >
STRIIIKE!
Old man... I take back what I said. You see, I called you the emperor... but now, you're worse than useless!!

* This is pretty much exactly what it says. If anyone didn't like this line, are you just angry Woolsey was, you know, clever and worded it in a way that rhymed?

Gestahl: "Terror will consume this world..."
< kefka pushes gestahl off the continent, kefka steps back into the triad >
Celes: "No! Kefka!!"
< move celes get out the way, kefka pushes one of the triad >
Celes: "Don't do it, Kefka... if the balance of the Triad is disrupted... their power will go wild..."
< more pushing, shadow whistles >
Who's that?!
< shadow jumps up, grabs celes, and pushes a statue on kefka >
Uguuuh!

And so on. And then they get off the Floating Continent. Man, that was long.

THAT DAY... THE WORLD WAS SPLIT APART... BUT THE FUTURE REFUSED TO - no, wait, I guess it DID change.

Forget the opera or real-time battles or anything like that. Catching fish for Cid is the most revolutionary thing in a Final Fantasy game to date.

You know, "Jeff" is just the kind of stupid name Edgar would make up for himself... but so is Gerad.

"I used to have a turtle..."

Still don't get how these yellow wriggling things floating on top of the machinery are supposed to be tentacles.

Your party figures out the letters are coming from Cyan because of the "gozaru." The English version says they recognize his handwriting... somehow. I guess him using "thou" would have made it too obvious to the girl?

Of course you already know this, but Cyan's "Book of Secrets" is an "Ecchi Book." EDGY.

Lookit that, ol' Ultros's a receptionist! Pfahaha!
So, hey... don'tcha bet an item that doesn't have a prize. Or the great Chupon'll be there to punish ya!

I like the guy in the auction house who gets forced into spending O-ONE MILLION GIL?! on 1/1200th of an airship by his kid, especially because once you buy everything else, the exact same thing keeps happening.

The PIMP MY GAU scenes are great, especially since I think they were trying to go for a laugh track or record scratch or something but it just sounds like some terrible screech. (Also, they tell him to answer "hai!", not "gau!", but the best he can manage is "hauuu...")

Wow, I really didn't have anything to say about the World of Ruin, did I?

You know what Kefka's Tower makes me think of? The world is GARBAGE!

"All of the Eight Dragons have been defeated... The seal of the Eight Dragons has dissipated!! Obtained the "Ray Jihad" Magicite!!"

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen!
I knew for sure you'd come, so I've done my best to prepare an appropriate speech!
"How far are you going to go, Kefka?!"
I'm in possession of the ultimate of powers! Behold!
< telekinetic majesty! >
This wonderful power... you're hardly even deserving of it!
Everyone will be destroyed. Everything will head into non-existence!
< tosses floating party members down >
"But people can make things anew!"
Then I'll gladly destroy them again! Why do people try to rebuild what has been destroyed?
If you know you will die, then why live? You know your life will have meant nothing!
"It isn't the impact of our lives that's important. It's the things we can live for, the things we can make, and the things we can protect...
It's all we can find during our lives, so it's enough!"
So perhaps YOU think you've found something? In a world on the brink of death...?
"We have!"
Terra: "What it means to love!"
Locke: "People to protect."
Cyan: "My wife and child who live on inside me."
Shadow: "Friends... and family..."
Edgar: "The dream of creating a land where order is kept."
Sabin: "My lovable bro! Gahahaha!"
Celes: "People who will accept me as I am."
Strago: "My darling granddaughter..."
Relm: "He may be a meanie sometimes, but my caring Gramps!"
Setzer: "Wings from an old friend!"
Mog: "Lotsa friends, kupo!"
Gau: "You all friend! All my friend!! Gauuuuu!!"
< the best theme song ever starts playing >
How SICKENING! Every little ONE of your moronic self-help booklet quips! PHAAAAAH!!
If that's the best you can offer, I'll just make you all disappear! Your lives are DONE FOR!
"Kefka, stop!!"
< light of judgement across intense mode 7 map >
I command the greatest power this world has ever SEEN! Everything else is DIRT! Dirtier than dirt! Dirtier than the DIRTIEST of dirt!
< kefka poses from atop a BURNING PILLAR OF AWESOME >
I shall destroy EVERYTHING, and make from it a monument to non-existence!
"But there will be life! People's dreams will go on!"
I said this, that, and EVERYTHING!! Destroy, destroy, DESTROY! EVERYTHING will become DESTRUCTION!
"We won't let you take another life!"
Uwahaha! But what could be more amusing than death and destruction?!
< more light of judgement >
"It's over, Kefka!!"

(The two in italics were the two I didn't include in my three parties, so I just based their lines off of the retranslation. I feel somehow dirty.)

Life... dreams... hope...
Where did they come from...? And where are they headed...?
Such things... are for me to destroy!!

Well, that certainly... shifted in purpose. Which is part of the reason I had nothing to say about the practically Kefka- and Ultros-less World of Ruin. Oh well, who cares.

Now playing the Chrono Trigger retranslation.

"National Foundation Millennial Festival"

Deleted.

Now playing Chrono Trigger.

I bet most of the changes I'm going to point out are evident in that retranslation patch I'm too lazy to look at. Whatever, I play what I want. Besides, that thing sounds terrible. Supposedly it cares too much about giving the exact translation than making it, you know, sound like humans are talking. (Er, or robots, as the case may be.)

On a related note, this being translated by Woolsey, I should probably bring this up now: as much as I might complain, I definitely don't, like, despise any translators. Only if the translation is just totally awful (say, Breath of Fire or something) do I think a game needs retranslation - if it's not THAT bad, then a retranslation can be, in some ways, detrimental. And anybody who writes the line "son of a submariner!" is awesome with me.

Oh, and upon further research, Woolsey did SMRPG. So I guess I technically should have mentioned it earlier? Man, I didn't even know that. But enough talk, have at the actual game!

Unless I'm just dumb or something, Crono's mom actually has a name, and it's "Jina." Hm.

Marle is Marle, but her real name isn't Princess Nadia, it's... "Princess Marledia." (Or maybe just "Mardia" - point is, it's based on Guardia.) Not only is that a stupid name, it makes her seem like she wasn't even trying to come up with a good fake name. I really hope there isn't anyone out there that's honestly outraged by the change. Guess what that patch did?

One of Lucca's (well, probably Marle's and maybe Ayla's too) armors is the "Lady Suit." Suit looks like a lady?

The Gate Key is the "Gate Holder." Is this one of those things like "Space Tunnel" (also known as the Phase Distorter) and "Metal Gear" (still known as Metal Gear?!) that makes more sense to Japanese people? Well, come to think of it, it's actually better than both of those if by "holder" they meant "controller" rather than, say, "cupholder." Yeah, the Gate Controller. It's so bad.

During the trial, Pierre keeps saying "...iya nai," or "...no, none." Not every sentence or anything, but enough that it probably should have been kept when I don't think it was.

The chancellor calls you a terrorist, like, all the time. I know he calls you that at least once in the DS translation, but I still don't think it's as extreme.

Arris Dome could have very easily been translated as "Alice Dome." Huh. But the domes are supposed to have city names and not people names, so I guess it makes more sense.

The Still Hungry Machine is the "Ena Box." (Probably short for Energy.)

Those four-legged robots that aren't the Version 2.0s are "Mouse Hunters." I'm pretty sure the Mouse part was taken out or something.

Wait, what? The dome where you find Robo is "Promethe Dome." They certainly call Robo Prometheus in his sidequest in both translations, so... what?

"Crono! We'll do it, right?" "(Uh, well...)" "You idiot! Try to look cool in front of Marle!"

Even if he uses katakana, Johnny Five Aces is still rad. Baby! Also the robot who keeps track of your records ("Rinse"...?) is awfully excitable.

Robo uses a... really weird mix of hiragana and katakana. I'm not sure if there's any real pattern to it.

Was Marle's problem with the name "R66-Y" always that is wasn't "cute"?

Unless it was my fault, they apparently made a typo when Lucca said "R66-Y," because it's formatted "R-66Y." Whatever. (The question is, if it was an error in the original, did the patch...? I don't want to think about that.)

Apparently the End of Time isn't supposed to be, like, the opposite of the beginning of time, but more based on location. Even though said location is probably based on the fabric of the space-time continuum. So basically, it's NOT the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. ("Toki no Saihate," just so you know.)

"You with the pointy hair, you're "Sky." Ponytail girl, your power's "Water." This girl with the glasses got "Fire.""

"Ipso facto, meeny moe, MAGICO!!" is "hanya hara hetta mitaaai!!" "Hanya" probably means nothing, "hara hetta" means hungry, and "mitai" is like "looks like." Um, okay.

Melchior is "Bosshu." Well... whatever.

YOU GOT THE HYPER JERKY

Ozzie is Vinegar, and I think Flea and Slash are similarly named. (Decided to look it up instead of waiting: Mayonnai(se) and Soy Sau(ce). Yeah.) Of course, this is why we have Solt, Peppor, and Ketchop in Chrono Cross.

"Ozzie's in a pickle!" is "Vinegar('s in a) piiinch!" Brilliant. But other than that, terrible names.

Zombor is "Junk Dragger." What? He keeps going "kee, kee, kee, kee~". When he uses his absorbing attack, he goes "chi, chi, chi, chi~" (blood). For his big laser thing he goes "shi, shi, shi, shi~" (death).

The Grandlion is a pretty weird name for the Masamune, and Gran and Lion are pretty weird names for kids even if they are actually weird monsters. Although Masa & Mune is "Gran to Lion" as opposed to "Grandolion," so that's kinda clever.

"Gran's courage... and Lion's intellect! CON-FUSIOOON!!"

Reptites are "dinosaur-people." Japan, sorry to say, but I don't think just sticking "-jin" on the end of a noun will ever result in a good name for a race.

For reference, her name is "Eila," so it's meant to be pronounced Ey-la, not Eye-la. Meant to be. Technically. Not like it really matters.

Ayla thinks I'm named "Cro." But I can definitely see why that was just removed, since a lot of names in English would be weird if they were missing the last letter. But what happens if you name Crono a single syllable, I wonder?

As for how Ayla talks: entirely lacking in particles and, of course, third person. That's one style of speech you really just can't argue with, especially when it makes for such great lines.

"We came from... tomorrow's tomorrow's tomorrow's... looots of tomorrow's tomorrow." (Something about repeating a word a bunch of times with a "no"/apostrophe-s between each one always gets me.)

So I killed all the enemies on the way out of the Mystic Mountains and Ayla came back to say "Cro(no) slow!" Oh, Ayla.

"Cocktail call Rock Crush. Taste good and strong." No "skull feel like smash"? :<

"Now start! Let barrage on A button!"

Who snores "gugaaa, gugogooo!"? Oh, right, Ayla.

Why was the Frog King originally the Golden Frog? I mean, he's... not gold. (Also Cyrus calls him G-FROG what)

So I THINK the deal with Magus and the title "Fiendlord" is that Magus's name IS "Fiendlord." ("Maou," which is literally just "Demon King.") In the DS translation, they called him Fiendlord where appropriate, but also used the name Magus where appropriate. I really think that's the best way. Come to think of it, being able to name Magus when he joins makes more sense if he's really just a nameless guy everyone calls "the Fiendlord."

"Atai wa onna janai! Magus-sama~... <3" (Okay never doing that again.)

"Da zuma rafua rou lyla... spinning in the gap between heaven and earth... exchange the life of this land for...!" I can't remember if they used those magic words (don't steal them) or just came up with new ones in the DS version, but the fact remains that "neuga, ziena, zieber, zom" are the best ones.

Oh, hey. When Crono has the dream about being waken up by Marle and hears "Crono! Crono! Crono! Crono!", thanks to the "Cro" thing, it's obvious it's not Marle talking, but Ayla. Oh well.

"Ayla give strength. So Dactyl! Need Dactyl now. GIVE DACTYL." I mean, Pteran.

Volt Bite or whatever you want to call it is "Kaminari Kamitsuki." See it's a pun sort of.

"The future..." "Future? What you mean, future?" "The future..." IS YOUR SISTER... (But yeah Azala doesn't actually get to tell Ayla anything about the future, although I guess it's implied.)

"Lavos awesome. Cro want fight that?" (Okay, "sugoi." So maybe not "awesome," but not quite "huge." Or maybe awesome in the what-it's-supposed-to-mean sense.)

The Skyways are "Paths to Heaven." But where am I gonna find a P-Switch in 12,000 BC?

"One among you... shall shortly perish." Ayla: "????"

Schala and Janus are Sarah and Jackie. SARAH AND JACKIE. SARAH AND JACKIE. Woolsey, you did the right thing. (Also Alfonso is Alfad. Also probably a good change.)

"H-Hey there, sexy lady!" Oh, Spekkio. "But, lady, you were born in an era before magic existed. You've got dyna-might, but magic, no way!" Oh, portmanteaus.

Belthasar is "Gosshu." Okay yeah these really were pretty dumb names.

The Epoch...'s default name is "Silbird." Which sounds a LOT more like "silver" if you're Japanese, I swear. Anyway I'm renaming it Epoch if only because I know I'm making someone out there very angry by doing so.

I forget what they were in the SNES version, but the DS version's "get off" and "take off" options when you board the Epoch looking so similar gave me way more trouble than it should have. It's kind of terrible when something like that is literally less of a problem for me in Japanese.

The rock things on Mt. Woe are "Iwan," iwa being rock. But more importantly, they use Omnilock. Or should I say All-Lock? Or should I say All-Rock?

"Curse you! Fart poooot!" Stay classy, Dalton.

Oh, right, the Mammon Machine is, like, the "Demon Vessel." Now if it were the Demon Machine, then it would be the "Mashin Machine"... (Come to think of it, the "Akuma no Mashin" in Mother 2 is probably supposed to be based on that same pun. Hm.)

Wait, hold on. Ayla just said a completely grammatically-correct sentence about how their money was stolen. Huh?

"Wrong, wrong! STOP ZA MUSIC!" Oh, Dalton.

Huh, they actually tell you to press "green" and "blue" buttons on the SKY DALTON IMPERIAL, because those are the colors of the Y and X buttons on the SFC controller. Makes more sense than a ship having X and Y buttons.

And Gaspar is "Hasshu." Of course, you have to realize that even if these names were used in an English version, they'd be Bosh, Gosh, and Hosh. You can't possibly say those are good names for any characters, much less gurus of life, reason, and time.

Oh yeah, and Magus's name uses kanji, so as far as I know, if you change his name (or even input a single character to overwrite one of the kanji), you can't ever give him back his exact old name. Weird.

For some reason, the options to play Bekkler's clone game are, like, "doppel" and "don't doppel."

"Yeees? You ca-<3-ll-<3-ed for me?" (There are actually THREE hearts in there but that doesn't even come close to fitting into the English word.)

"Vinegar Pants!" "Mayonnaise Bra!" "Soy Sauce Sword 2!" See, I like the musician names because they make them sound kinda silly without making them just sound terrible. (Also, their upgraded formed are called "Great Vinegar" and "Super Soy Sauce/Mayonnaise.")

"Genocidome." Why am I not surprised.

Well, that's strange. The code to stop the machine is "LALA." Lara and Rara don't work, and all the game gives you is her name in katakana (well, and Taban's note). That seems somehow... unfair. Is "Lala" really the first spelling most people would assume?

"Toma's Sake." Naturally. Also, I've never understood why Toma seems to know about, or at least not particularly mind, your time shenanigans. I mean, people ignoring that a prehistoric woman is running around is one thing, but someone saying "Oh, hey Ayla" when I'm pretty sure they've never met is another.

I was holding down when Ayla was walking away from the Rainbow Shell, and when it took me to Guardia Castle, Ayla was, um, running away from the king and queen of Guardia in place. That's very rude.

I like Ayla's lines about the Sun Stone. "Warm here! Sun always shine! *puts Sun Stone in sun* ...No change?" "Stone... gone?! Definitely someone took!!"

"Oh, leave nest! Ayla understand that! Pteran leave nest too. Time come, leave nest! Marle leave nest too? That awesome! Leave nest! Get in bed! Have kid! Give breast! And more kid leave nest!" "You okay to leave nest? Not have much breast..."

"Super Ultra Deluxe Chancellor Chaaaaange!!"

I don't recall her doing it earlier, but at the start of the Black Omen, Zeal laughs "FOFOFO!!" ...Okay so it's really meant to be "hohoho" or at worst "huohuohuo," but still, that would be an awesome laugh.

Is it just me, or are these shield guys named "Hey You Shield"?

IT'S MOONLIGHT PARADE!!

"You're my long-past grandfather, so have some healthy kids, alright?" "Heh heh... no worry! Ayla much healthy!!" "Right!! ...Wait, what? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Lucca, you don't mean..." "We still got a TIIIME MACHIIIIINE <3, don't we?!"

New Game + is "Strongly New Game." Intense.

BUT... THE FUTURE REFUSED TO CHANGE.

"Thanks a bunch! But tomorrow, go play outside!"

Now playing Sonic Adventure 2.

Okay, so Omochao is... Omochao... and... "omocha" means toy... No. Forget you. I'm not doing this.

Now watching CAPTAIN RAINBOW!

Yes, it's that game. Yes, it's by the Chibi-Robo guys, most obvious from it having the same kind of "voice acting." Yes, it's never coming out in English for a bunch of reasons. Well, we'll see how this goes.

Summary of the intro: Captain Rainbow's ratings suck now because kids like to watch some other guy's show instead. What, yoyos aren't cool anymore?

"Nick! No, Captain Rainbow!! If you're a hero, you must know what to do, correct?" "Transform! CAPTAIN RAINBOW!! Yes! A hero must always make his entrance cool-like!"

So he jumps toward an enemy, but falls into the water! "That wasn't an enemy..." "Water is Captain Rainbow's WEAKNESS!!" Not only does it stop his transformation, but Nick can't swim. That's kind of pathetic, CAPTAIN RAINBOW!!

The loading screen says "READING..." I wonder if that's an intentional joke.

Why did that rabbit just rip off its ears to give Nick some kind of bracelet. (I think it grew them back, though? Maybe it's a different rabbit.)

Geez, when Nick sees that the rabbits have his transformabelt, he just freaks out and faints. You're really not very good at this.

If you try to read a sign from far away, the font in the message box is smaller. That's a nice touch.

Speaking of signs, the aforementioned sign told him to hold B for a charge punch. After punching the sign, a pan fell on him.

That's kind of strange. There are sound effect things that come out when you punch things, but they're actually English, like "POW!"

Some red-white lady with crazy black hair is telling the story of Imperishable Night, I mean, Kaguya-hime, to the rabbits. Well, at least it's an appropriate audience...? Also her name is Hikari so I guess the twist is she gets split into seven pieces that Nick has to collect.

Hikari keeps calling Nick "Nick-han." Okay, whatever.

Wow, the rabbits freak out (dare I say Rabbid-style) when Hikari ends her picture show. And apparently they're Mimin, what with this being Mimin Island and all.

Just warning you, I'm probably going to make a billion Reimu jokes at this rate.

Hikari has a giant mural of some hero guy in the back of her shrine that's most likely supposed to be you. Then again, it could also be the guy who stole your ratings, that jerk.

Oh geez, Hikari gives you the MIKOPHONE.

Apparently saving is done with toilets. When Hikari explains this, the LPer is sort of eager to save and end the video, so he's just like "toilets, right, got it." Alternatively, maybe he's just played No More Heroes.

"A mushroom is growing here. Something phallic is growing here, too." Is that really necessary? And when Nick eats the mushroom, "YUMMY!" appears in big letters.

"My name is MAPPO! Sometimes I mistakenly apprehend people, yes... But I can't help it! I'm a robot! ...Okay! Self-introduction, complete!"

"WE ARE THE SOLDIERS OF THE FAMICOM WARS! And we are... PLAYERS OF VOLLEYBALL!"

"You must be making a Mamerucan joke..." Oh yeah, Nick is from Mameruca.

Right, so Hikari's shrine has these three black boxes in a row, and each day, you can pick one to open. So far, all the ones he's picked have been empty. I would not be surprised in the least if this was always the case.

"Sleep here? But... but it's Miss Hikari's futon!"

Apparently Nick can actually listen to Hikari's stories. The first one is something about a star that wants to grant a wish for some girl named Sakura. And then the story ends on a cliffhanger and the Mimins freak out.

Man, there's some connected pink Mario pipes that allow you to cross the river, but one of them is covered in weird goop. Which I would call paint except it's black, not crazy-colored.

Hikari did some kind of ritual involving rainbow smoke. Okay I really get the feeling she's like worshipping Captain Rainbow and not even realizing who Nick is. That seems like it would be appropriate for this game.

Finally got back the transformabelt. It fell from the sky after punching a sign!

Catherine's character bio thing says she's a SEXY DYNAMITE MONSTER. Er, sure.

Mappo called Captain Rainbow's design "old school."

So that dog actually IS Tao from Chibi-Robo? I thought they were just lazy and reused the voice for a similar-looking dog. And apparently you can feed him and have him smell stuff but I have no idea what good that does.

(Watching videos of a kind of boring guy playing) Captain Rainbow is on hold!! Oh no!!! What will our hero do?! The answer: Wait until (the kind of boring guy) becomes enticing enough for people to watch him again!!

(PS. Probably never.)

Now watching Super Paper Mario. With FULL VOICE ACTING.

So there are some people on Nico who do "full-voices" of games without voice acting. I was hoping one of these existed for Paper Mario RPG, but there was only one that stopped after four videos. But there's a finished one for SPM. So this should be interesting.

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: Her comment on the first video says that it's her goal to make someone cry at the ending. That's some goal.

Toad has such a manly voice.

Bleh-heh-heh = "WARUWARUWAAARU!" Huh, I wonder if this COUNT NOIR guy is evil. Also he uses "yo" to refer to himself which is pretty sweet.

MISTRESS OF VOICES INTERLUDE: Okay, Anna has a really nice voice. Er, uh, right.

Tippi is "Anna" and Pixls are "Faerins." Or however you want to spell that.

Flipside is "Hazama Town." "Hazama" seems to mean something like "space between" or "cramped space." I bet it'll become really clever when I find out what Flopside is.

Aw, she said no to saving the world twice, but then said yes the last time.

MASTER OF VOICES INTERLUDE: By the way, Dea~ru sounds absolutely insane or senile or both.

The pillars you put the Pure Hearts in are "Hameeru Stones," "hameru" being to insert. They're just "Heart Pillars" in English.

The player skips a text box before Uni can finish reading it, and she just goes "oooh?"

"Hit this save block before going back to Merlon," you say? *jumps on top of it a bunch of times*

Mimi is "Manera," with "mane" being imitation. Not too surprised. Nastasia is the same. Dimentio is just "Dimen." That's... weird. And O'Chunks is "Dodontasu," "dondon" being rapid, "don" being stupid, and "dodonpachi" being... wait.

Man, I can tell this is going to be way longer than Paper Mario RPG but who cares. Nastasia doesn't really have any sort of, um, like, "um like" or anything. She's just all business. Also, her voice kinda reminds me of Nico Nico Douga's Announcette.

The guy who tells you how to flip (Bestovius) is "A-ge~ru," which is just trying too hard to not be "to give."

Okay, so the male voice is Akira and the female voice is Uni. The first few descriptions say "I'm Uni" with Akira's comments in brackets, so I'm assuming Uni is the player. I don't want to pull an Upotsu again.

"THE LEGENDARY HERO...'S FAN! That's a very convincing "cosplay," geru!"

"What's an A button? Look, everyone in front of the TV Nico Nico Douga knows what I'm talking about!"

Welp. She tried to do the SMB 1-up trick on the stairs and just got shelled in the face.

The elder guy in the Lineland village (Watchitt) is "Miha~ru." To guard. You get the idea by now.

Watchitt just made some combination sound of "UNNN" or "OHHH" while Anna was talking. Um. Then a couple text boxes later, he just kind of stumbles over himself on a line and gives up. AAAH!

Everyone on Nico thinks Thoreau sounds like Goofy. I'd have to agree. "Ahyuh!"

Thoreau is "Torunageeru," which is pretty much just "pick up and throw." The first "ru" alone is Hiragana, though, so that's weird.

Man, not Thwomps OR villagers? What CAN you pick up with Thoreau, then? Useless!

"You should - *text box closes* - ahhhnnn... I couldn't read any of thaaat..."

VCR INTERLUDE?!: Either the video was recorded with a VCR or that was a very convincing effect, because she fast forwarded from the start of 1-3 to O'Chunks, and when the fast-forward stopped, the top of the screen showed the position on the tape VCR-style. But considering she makes cuts all the time, why would she fast-forward with the VCR instead of the editing software...?

O'Chunks is gonna give us some CULTIVATION! Er, "cultivation"...? Or should that be "punishment"? ("Saibai" and "seibai." English: "hammage" and "damage.")

He starts the battle with "IKUDOOON!", as opposed to "ikuzo!" And by that I mean CHUNK ON IT! And by "I" I mean the translators.

Oh, wow. I don't think I ever knew O'Chunks did a dance if he successfully threw you with that attack.

"He's... the hero Mario..." "Mareo! I'll remember that name!!" (This is particularly funny because Anna is still talking as O'Chunks starts his line.)

GOOD-DON-BYE! (CHUNKS AWAY!)

After he leaves, Anna is just like "What a noisy man..." Since in the English version, he's Scottish beyond belief, this got completely changed to "Did you understand a word of what that goon was saying...?" Man, Something Awful has such a monopoly on the translation business.

Fracktail is "Zunbaba." And, well... ahem.

PIIIIIIIIII!
IMPROPER USAGE DETECTED. RESTARTING PROGRAM.
...SYSTEM DATA NOT FOUND. PLEASE INSERT DISK B.
DISK NOT FOUND. PLEASE MAKE SURE DRIVE IS CLOSED.
ACCESS ERROR! SEARCHING FOR SUITABLE PROGRAM. PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE THE MEMORY CARD.
PROGRAM IS NOT RESPONDING. SYSTEM IS BUSY BECOMING SLAG. APPLICATION ERROR HAS OCCURRED. SYSTEM WILL RESTART.
FILE SAVING HAS FAILED. ALL YOUR DATA HAS PROBABLY BEEN LOST.
...SEARCHING FOR APPROPRIATE CODEC.
RESULTS OF SEARCH: ONE "404 PAGE NOT FOUND" FOUND.
...DEF-COM 1 ONLINE. ALL MEMBERS PLEASE EVACUATE QUICKLY.
[Head slowly turns to the side]
SUBABABAAAN!!
WHO ARE YOU?! HOW DARE YOU COME HERE WITH YOUR DIRTY MUSTACHE!!
GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!! (Except probably meaner-sounding.)

Uh, shouldn't Uni be doing Crysta~l's voice...? Whatever.

Hey, wait, it's Crysta~l from Mario Story, but the English version calls her Merlumina, not Merle. How'd that happen if they got Merlon and Merlee right? I suppose they could have just decided it was a better name, since there isn't really anything saying they're actually the same people from Mario Story. You know, Zelda-timeline-style.

And as a semi-random note, the data file on the disc for "her song" (even though it plays for later Pure Hearts too) calls her "Crystale." I guess that explains her love of long stories.

"Those are the Pure HACHOO!"

"It... and then I said... and he said... and then... Romeo, where art thou, Romeo..."

Oh, wow. Guess who ISN'T doing Peach's voice? Apparently this is the way it's been since they did SMRPG.

This Hammer Brother keeps going "nnnnn" all the time. In the middle of a sentence? "Nnnnn." Nastasia talking? "Nnnnn." Brainwashed? "VIVA THE COUNT! Nnnnn."

"Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na..." insert Caddyshack reference. (This is some random guy in Flipside who comes to tell you about Peach falling from the sky, by the way.)

He starts laughing in the middle of one of Dea~ru's lines, presumably because he says a "gal" fell from the sky.

Man, Anna actually tells the player "Not that way." when she goes the wrong way, and it fits so perfectly.

That's a really... unsettling voice for someone saying their restaurant is named "Smile."

Most of the regular stages are cut out, but she left in Peach getting a star, upon which she's possessed by the spirit of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and goes "ORAORAORAORA" as she destroys enemies.

Oh god, Boomer (Bombdokkan) has the same voice Tink did. That is, unintelligible throaty noises. ...But it's supposed to be Donald Duck, apparently. Yeah, sure.

(Almost) all the questions Boomer asks you have the choices "hai" and "yes." Which... sorta means less in the English version? Because they almost ALWAYS change simple "yes" and "no" responses to something fancier. Anyway, the one about "you're wondering why I'm asking you these weird questions" has the choices "of course" and "yes!", and the last one ("you're getting tired of these questions") has "haiii" and "yeees."

Okay I didn't mind Thoreau being goofy (literally) inbetween actual conversations, but please don't do it for Boomer.

Welcome to Miss Sande~ru's mansion! I'm Miss Sande~ru's servant, Mane! But please, call me "Manerin <3"!

Go on, enter, it's just ahead! But don't you DARE mess up and go into one of the other rooms!! *giggle*

Oh my GOD. Stage 2-3, the million Rubees stage, is called "MANE! MANE! MANE!" That may be the worst pun I've ever seen. (Also, Rubees are "mane.")

Uni is really, really good at this whole bipolar Mane thing. She can do a surprisingly deep voice, and she switches back to the cute voice pretty seamlessly.

Yeah, and Slim (Kiema~su - to dis~appear) is Mickey. Doesn't that mean he's kind of out of Faerin voices now, though?

"One! Two! Four! Nine! Six! Three! Five! Seven! TEN!" The English version goes all over the place before getting back to ten, including "one marzillion." What?

Okay, why exactly did she censor the password entering? (Which she skipped the getting of, naturally.) I guess it's to force people who are playing it to get the code legitimately, although it's said a million times in the comments. (EDIT: Also, she didn't censor it when you, er, "come back" way, way later in the game.)

Man, Slim said "GO-MA-DA-REEE!" Zelda-fanfare-style after getting the million Mane. Sesame sauce? Yeah, whatever.

Hey, you can state your love for Mane, too? Er, the girl, not the currency. (Although I believe if you say that, at least in the English version, her reply is something like "And I love Rubees!", which would of course be funnier when they're both Mane.)

Well, I guess I can't blame Akira for not wanting to do another Dea~ru-style voice, so Sande~ru kind of just... mumbles? Also her talking to you from far away is simulated by the microphone acting up. Clever.

"If you take out a loan now, I'll give you a special "Wilted Ultra Shroom"!"

So yeah, if it wasn't clear already, she claims to be "Mane" in the mansion but is actually "Manera." She's Mimi for both in English. Not like it really makes a huge difference.

"MANERA CHANGE!! ...ANGE! .....NGE!" That's an awesome echo effect.

And after... uh... changing, she goes "manemanemanemanemanemanemanemane..." with a bunch of filters over it. The same filters are on the rest of her lines in "changed" state. That's... really, really terrifying.

Slim also does a Zelda-puzzle-solved for Anna revealing some stairs. Should have seen that one coming.

*Mario enters the ladies room* "Huh? Are you... ahhh! You went in!!" "Mario... is this really necessary...?"

It's...! ...not the Heart-Racing Quiz. Onto the questions! "What's your birthday?" "What do you like to eat?" "What's your favorite type of man?" "What's your favorite animal?" "What's your blood type?" "What do spend most of your time doing?" "What thing do you want most right now?" "What was your nickname when you were young?" "When taking a bath, what do you wash first?" "What's your most attractive feature?"

"Attractive feature?" "The earlobe. People go crazy over you if you've got a good earlobe!" "Personality. If you have a good personality, people will want to talk with you!"

"Greatest want?" "A new model of crystal ball." "A new lover! <3"

"Hobby?" "Staring into my crystal ball." "Watching reruns of the drama "From Doskoi Country."" Er, whatever that means.

"Favorite food?" "Cuuuuute little strawberries!" "A brilliant mandarin!"

"Favorite animal?" "Baby bears!" "Little demons!" ...What?

So the real one was the one who gave all the first answers. Er, okay. Guess she likes earlobes.

Man, and her legs fall off... Manera is seriously a pretty terrifying boss.

"There's a message here from Manera... "I screwed up! Super sorry!" ...That's it."

One of the Goombas is constipated and one of the Goombas is in a constant panic. Gotta love the voices he gives to one-shot characters.

Well, GARY!! is "Kurigoro." If this came out after Fallout 3, it would be further support for my Something Awful hypothesis.

Blumiere is "Rumiere." Timpani is "Ema."

Merlon: "The Light Prognosticus speaks of a man in green..." Nico: "Link!"

"Uhihihihihihi...
I... I g-got a super cute butterfly this time! [There might be a pun with "butterfly," but eh.]
T-Today m-might just be my l-l-l-lucky day!
T... this h-happiness inside me won't stop, but I gotta get home f-f-fast!
I d... don't wanna miss today's episode of "MagiGirl PrinNyans"... [Er, cat princesses?]
T... this time, Macho Shoji shows up, so I can't trust the video tape to not mess up..."

Francis is "Chamelegon." Presumably chameleon + polygon. Unless I'm missing a pun with "Francis" or something, they probably just dropped the pun because they preferred to make nerd jokes.

"That guy searches for anything and everything cute. If he finds something cute, he'll add it to his collection." Creepy, but not in the Manera way.

Bowser: "MARIO! And Princess Peeeach... <3"

The full-voice didn't include the wedding (EDIT: whoops, they actually went back and did it way later), but I don't think Chaos Heart really even has a name. When Bowser mentions it, he says something like "He used our wedding to make chaos with love-power and destroy the world?!" Um...?

"You mean if the world is destroyed, there won't be a world for me to rule?" "Yeah, and your minions are being brainwashed by the count, so they're working for him, not you. Poor minions." "Mugu... MUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUUUUU!! UGAAAH!!"

"But don't get me wrong! I'm not being Mario's buddy to save the world! I'm doing it to protect the world so I can rule it, to get back my minions, and then to crush Mario!" "Okay, got it."

Did... did Thudley, who happens to be underwater, just say "sex-sea"...? Because that's not how it's usually spelled. (Okay, apparently it's an alternate spelling. But still.)

"Yo, yo, first let's check your face. Very pretty, so my sexsea rating is 70-sexsea." Now read that at nearly Yukkuri speed and sort of monotone.

"Lastly, let's check your body! My eyes are drawn to those hips! So big, so round, so seductive... Amazingly, ultimately delicious-looking! Satisfyingly amazingly beautiful!! Absolutely, the hips of hips! The hips AND hips, even! An amazing 1,000,000 sex-seeea! Your hips are first-class hips! They shine brilliantly as diamonds!"

Hold on, Peach is Thudley's... "brutha"?! (Or, well, "brother," but he did go "yo" and "check" and so on.)

Wait, he's a "Hip Drop Faerin"? Is the hips thing a pun, then? Anyway, he's "Hebidon," the first half being "heavy" and the last half being a sound effect.

"It's a Dimen world!" is a pretty classy thing to say when you teleport someone into your own dimension (which is "Dimen Space," not "Dimension D"). Also "It's showtime!" before the battle, which was left out of the English version yet is still the name of his battle theme.

The original Dimen is more French than... well, whatever he's supposed to be in English. Although the English version did leave in "hors d'oeuvre" and I believe added "voila."

"Ehehehehe... No need to get scared, now...
Just taking pictures of you makes me so very happy... hehehe...
Aaah! Feels good, feels good... feels so wonderfuuul..."

Gotta love Francis's robot cat maids.

"Welcome back, Master. "Pri-Pri-Princess Times 10" came out this morning. Don't forget!"

"Welcome back, Master. The anime movie "Puniko Happy" was changed to air 30 minutes later. As such, the start time on the tape is 30 minutes off."

Speaking of tapes, the description for this video actually mentions an improvement in the recording method, which does indeed involve tapes. Huh.

"Welcome back, Master. All commercial breaks have been successfully removed from your tapes."

"Welcome back, Master. The adventure game you requested, "Gal Princess Number 1," arrived today."

"Uhihihihihi... This is the l-latest, 20 million times zoom digital camera... even the tiniest p-pores on your skin show up perfectly..."

"Ishishishishi... This c-camera has a 1600-millimeter super-lens, so it c-comes out clear even from f-far away..."

"Guhohohohohohoho... This camera has a s-super battery and super-giga-m-memory, so I can take p-picture after picture after picture...
A-After this, I'll have to get back to flipping through my mangas..."

"Please answer "yes" or "no." "I love anime songs!" "Eating delicious things and buying manga and merchandise makes me happy!" "Once I start collecting figurines, I won't stop until I have the complete collection!""

"I'M FREE! THANK YOU MERCY VERY MACHO!" For an unfolded cube, this guy is totally not square. (Do I even need to mention the fact that he uses "mii" to yuu?)

"You've met Chamelegon? What did you think of him? Your first impression, tell me, please!" "Green," "swirly glasses," or "cool!"

"Hm, hm, yes, I see. So, what's your conclusion about him?" "Monster," "chameleon," or "awesomeman."

Carrie is "Nottekou," "notte" being riding on.

"I always take care of the covers of my comics!" "The shows I watch most on TV are obviously anime!" "I don't care if my t-shirt and jeans look cool!"

Apparently the cat robots are "Guardnyans." Terrible.

I'm not translating all these titles, but one of the things Francis is buying this month is "The horror game "Puniohazard."" Also, "The PC game "Once<3Eighteen." See, they just replaced all the creepy stuff with Paper Mario 2 references.

I'm sure it's not, but one of the posters in his private room really looks like Hatsune Miku.

"NYAAAAAN!
Key two okay, nyaaaaan!
...But wait, nyan. You don't look much like Master, nyan!
Only Master and cute girls are allowed in this room, nyan!
So ugly old men are definitely excluded, nyan!"
DIIIIIE!! *laser eyes*

"Only Master and cute girls are allowed in this room, nyan! You're cute, so okay, nyan!
...However, I must check that you're an compatible girl for Master Chamelegon, nyan!
Now I'll ask you some questions, and you answer "yes" or "no," nyan!
"If I don't know what to do, I buy!"
"If there's a limited edition, buy it!"
"I have more than three games I've bought that I've never played!"
"If they make an improved version of something I've bought, I'll buy the improved version!"
"I'm an adult, so I buy adult things!"
"100%ing things definitely has a purpose!"
"The cover and illustration in a story are more important than the content!"
"When I go to buy a book, I don't take the top one! I take the bottom two to the register!"
"My first love was an anime character!"
"Meals fill my stomach, but figurines fill my heart!"
NYANYANYAAA!"

W-Who are you?
D... Don't enter m-my room without p-permiss... wait, e... excuse me...
"We finally meet... I've been looking everywhere for you!"
Y... YOU'RE?!
C... Cu... C-C... Cu...
A CUTE GIRL'S HEEERE!!
W-W-W... Whaddo I do...?! A real live girl, in my room! Like, a-appeared out of nowhere!!!
I'm s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s... (Full text box of this. Full of "ko," technically.)
S-S-So excited... I c-c-can't even s-speak r-r-r-right!
S-So, uh...
Activate! "Heartpattering <3 Talking Mode"!!

Nice to meet you. Welcome to my castle! ...ehe.
"What's this all about?! What did you just do?!"
Gehehe... you don't know? Whenever you talk to girls, a screen like this comes up...
Now, let's gooo! It's Heartpattering Talking Time!!

What should I do...?
[ Look / Talk / Think / Disappear / Check / Inventory ]
[ To self / Jasmine / Cutegirl-chan ]
F... First, can you tell me your name?
"My... name?"
[ Um, uh... it's Peach / How about yours first? / I'm not telling you my name! ]
"How can you ask someone for their name without you giving yours first?"
S-Sorry about that... I'm Chamelegon! I live in this castle.
(Stupid manners... I l-look just like my mother! <3)
[Chamelegon remembered his love for his mother! Chamelegon's feelings went up!]

What should I do...?
[ Look ]
[ Anime / Manga / Cutegirl-chan ]
Y-You're so wonderful... You look like a princess who came out of an anime or a video game!
Y... You look strong, but a-a... at the same time, you're sooo charming!
"Ch... charming?"
[ You'd say I'm charming? <3 / You're good... at compliments / I'll show you strong! ]
"Charming, you say... Oh, I'm so embarrassed. <3"
Sniff, sniff... t-that's a really good smell you've got!
Phew... it makes my bad feelings go away~ <3
[It was relaxing! Chamelegon's stress went down! Chameleon's feelings went up!]

What should I do...?
[ Inventory ]
[ Use / Give / Auction ]
[ Premium Figurine / Vintage Comics / Out-of-Print Anime Mook (magazine + book, don't ask) / My Best Anime Song CD / Limited Edition DVD Box Set / Treasured Game Collection / Rare Card Collection / Puririn Signed Poster ]
Here's a p... present in memory of our meeting...
[Handed Peach the "Puririn Signed Poster"!]
"This is...?"
[ Thank you, it's wonderful / ...It's the thought that counts / I'm not some cheap girl! ]
"Thank you, it's... wonderful."
I thought you'd say that! I knew you'd see the good in it... that's perfect!
I got this at the Sweet<3Puririn event as a present for buying the CD. It's a super-rare item!
It's even signed by the director and the voice actor for Puririn! The fans would kill for this!
The director changed after the third season, so this symbol of them together... it's historic!
Also, the paper is UV-cut and laminated, so you don't have to worry about the color fading!
Although, I wanted to put it on a board before giving it to you... w-would that be better?
"S... sure... that'd be fine.
(What is he even talking about...?)"
W... Well, I'll do just that... I'll treat this poster well for you!
[Peach returned the poster.]
[Chamelegon's satisfaction went up! Chamelegon's feelings went up!]

What should I do...?
[ Think ]
[ About anime / About games / About our future ]
We're such a perfect match... It must be fate we met here! I want you to marry me!!
"M... MARRY?!"
[ I-If you'd take me... / It's not exactly mutual... / How much do you make? ]
"I-If you'd take me...
...What am I saying?! I'm not marrying anyone, no way!
Besides, I shouldn't be doing any of this... I came to save Anna!
Where is she?!"
Anna? Anna... Anna...
*searches through commands*
T... There isn't a command like that... I don't know what you're talking about!!
"Ugh! This is getting irritating... Show her to me, now!!
[ Look / Talk / Think / Makeup / Snack / Faerin ]
[ Thoreau / Boomer / Slim / Thudley / Carrie ]"
[Princess Peach used Boomer!]
[Boomer exploded!]
U-Uwaaaaah!!!

Ooooh... My precious "Heartpattering Talking Mode"...
Real live girls really are scary...
"Peach?"
"Anna!"
"You... You came...? You came for me..."
Y... You wouldn't happen to have come to take back my Jasmine-chan?
T-T-T... I can't allow that! I won't hand over Jasmine-chan to you!
B-By the way, Jasmine-chan is the name I-I-I... I gave her... <3
I was surprised, because I'd never seen a talking butterfly, but she must be s... super rare!
Jasmine-chan is my most precious f... f... friend...
S-So I won't let you steal her from me! I... I'll show you pain!

Okay, that's quite enough of that. Especially when I don't know terminology like "UV-cut."

"Ha! With me, we don't need anyone else!" "Ah, yes, I'm sure we can count on you, Bowser. I will count on you to protect us, dea~*ground shakes* OHHHHhhhhhHHHHHhhhhhHHHHH!" (Said in true Homsar fashion.)

Oh man, do you game over if you refuse to put on the helmet too many times? I never even thought to try.

Squirps/Tamara talks... weird. In... short bursts, I guess? I don't really know how to describe it any better than really alien-sounding, but it's more like actual voice acting than Boomer and Merlee were. Also he says "kyu" a lot but it sounds more like "kya" because the "u" kind of gets cut off.

"Your only responses should be "yes" and "yes sir"! You see?"

"Now that we've made our preparations, kyu... Let's! Warp Formation!"

"Stage 4-2: Give Me Paper!!" Well, isn't everything made of it?!

I really don't know why Uni is laughing for these Anna lines. Unless she actually hears the Squirps voice when she does her part, because it IS really ridiculous.

Okay, speaking really really close to the microphone does NOT count as a clever voice for Fleep. (Also, correcting yourself after saying a line.)

Fleep keeps saying "Kurukuru Mirakuru" (or "miracle"), which I assume has something to do with flushing the toilet? Or maybe just his ability in general? I dunno.

THIS IS THE PRESENT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR! AT LAST, I'VE MET YOU, DEAR MY PAPER! All of these Faerins are ridiculous.

Fleep is "Mekururun," "mekuru" being to turn over. And "kurukuru" having to do with spinning.

The Whoa Zone is "Sarugazzone." Not sure what that means. The data file for its music calls it "4D," but I don't see any relation.

"Kyu-kyuuun! T-This hole... it's a very nice shape!" Why, yes, it was made for you!

"Tinkle Mart"? Ew.

"I am Count Bleck's newest servant, the "Youth in Green"... MISTER L!"

Wow, that's weird. Mr. L makes pretty much the exact same "wee seeds, I mean, seaweed" joke Crump did. In the English version, it's "I'll give you a burial at sea... I mean, a burial in space!" Yeah, good call.

Oh, man. Mr. L uses a Mushroom Can sometimes, but you can grab it for yourself with Thoreau. That's wonderful.

COME HYEAH! METAL BROTHER! Its name is... L-GUNDA! ("Erugandaa," if I happen to be getting that joke wrong.)

The Brobot fight is still great. SPEED UP!

"But I'll remember this! Next time, the goddess of green will smile on Mr. L!"

Well, Squirps seemed to call the Chaos Heart "Chaotic Love Power." I think that's the best we're getting.

Bleck: "A man in green -" *a ton of Nico comments pop up* Luigi: "It's me, of course!" Chamelegon: "Me again?" Link: "Huh? Me?" Piccolo: "You mean me?" Yoshi: "Detteiu!"

Man, seriously? "Ura-Hazama Town"? ("Ura" being behind or under.) What a letdown. And the other Dea~ru is just "Uradea~ru" and even has the same voice. Of course, "uradearu" is almost a palindrome in Romanji, but that's probably unintentional.

One of Uradea~ru's lines about the nature of Flipside and Flopside is either so poetic or so tongue-twisty that he repeats it several times.

Considering they're cavemen, the Cragnons sound kinda like... opera singers? Even the elder, who has the same kind of senile-old-guy voice as Merlon, is still KINDA singing.

Cragnons are "Rock-People" and the village is "Stonestone Village." Floro Sapiens are "Hanaan," "hana" being flower. I can see little reason for the Cragnons to talk like the rad dudes they are in the English version other than it being silly. Oh, and they just go and call you a servant of God, not of "Big Rock Who Watches."

I like how the water not only has waterless area underneath it, but when you jump back up into it, the splash is exactly the same as jumping down into it, just upside-down.

*coughs violently through Dimentio's line* "Uhhhhh... bonjour?"

Oh, wow, she game overed to a random Buzzy Beetle. That's pretty bad, seeing as I don't remember ever dying.

And then she restarted from the start of 5-2 and put it in hyperspeed and overlaid Marisa Stole the Precious Thing.

Cudge/Hamahammer, the one who shouts your "motto," sounds bored out of his mind.

She has Cudge shout "Game obera," except it isn't actually how "game over" is spelt at all. No, actually, she doesn't go with that, she goes with "ikkakusenkin," or "get rich quick." Man, she's really indecisive. She finally settles on "continued in the next part <star>" and ends the video there.

So HALFWAY THROUGH THE GAME, they got around to doing the wedding intro. The highlights are Akira actually clapping while reading the encouragement of Bowser's minions and continuing one of Bowser's laughs through a few of Peach's lines because he doesn't want to read them. Oh and yeah it's "Chaotic Love Power."

Okay, so what she REALLY went with was "RESARESA-TAAAN!" (That's Bow if you haven't read this page enough.) Which Cudge actually did shout instead of being bored about.

Flint Cragley is "David," or at least something close to it. And his show is just "David Adventure." BABAAAN! (CRAGLEY HO!)

She added a commercial break with a Mario Story commercial when Flint Cragley mentioned cutting to commercial. Brilliant.

Gabbro calls Dottie/Minimi (don't you start) his "onjin... no, on-Faerin!" "Onjin" means benefactor, but "jin" isn't technically right because it means person. Strangely, later in the conversation, Dottie says "humans and Faerins shouldn't stay together for long," but the English version added "...or Cragnons and Faerins, for that matter." So they kinda... moved it?

Gabbro's volume actually goes down after Dottie shrinks him. Singing Cragnons are still pretty hilarious, by the way.

STOP KILLING CRAGNONS UNI YOU'LL LEVEL DOWN :<

"Green Dodonta-kun"? You're not very good at names, Dimen. And before the fight, he shouts "sayaingen." French beans? What. And he adds his own bean exclamations during the fight.

"BUH... BUH... BROCCOLIIIIIN!!"

King Croacus is just "King Hanaan," by the way.

"THE COUNT IS THE COOLEST OF THE COOLEST! IT'S THE COUNT'S WORLD, THE COUNT'S THE BEST! HOORAY! HOORAY! GO, OUR COUNT! GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK, GO ON, OUR COUNT! CHA-CHA-CHA, COUNT! CHA-CHA-CHA, WOO! CHA-CHA-CHA... cha-cha-cha... ooooh...! <musical note>"

"It's something I came up with a while ago. It's a Full-Voi... *ahem* the Count's motivational song."

Wait, what? I don't get some of the things they removed. Mr. L says that Brobot's systems are "all green." Couldn't they keep that in at least some way?

Sammer's Kingdom is "Mononofu Kingdom," and "mononofu" is just warrior or samurai. A king named "King Warrior" is kind of weird, though.

Anna: "This world may be nearing destruction... we must search out the Pure Heart."
Peach: "okay! ( ' w')"

These guys keep putting stuff like "challenger" and "nice" and "Pure Heart" in Hiragana. I guess it has to do with them being all ancient Japanese.

I'm not really sure about the Sammer Guy names, but yeah, they almost definitely aren't Mario jokes. They seem to be weird Japanese-style names, and they're made even weirder because they have to be in Hiragana so kids/baka gaijin can read them.

"You're doing... 100 voices?!"

Sammer Guy during a fight: "AETHER!!"

"Um, you haven't defeated my 100 servants... but I guess now is an "immer-gensy," so I can make a special case for you heroes!"

Absolutely seamless transition between King Sammer and Manera there, Akira. (He really does seem to try to make the voice more feminine toward the end of his part.)

"Well, too bad we can't play any more, guys... This world is about to disappear! ...Bye-byyye! <3"

I like the guy going crazy and laughing maniacally before the end of the world. The English version makes him sound really stupid, though. "HA HA HA. We are doomed. It cannot be stopped. HAH HAH." Seriously, way to ruin the moment.

Even the end of the world won't change the amount of distance you have to walk in Sammer's Kingdom to reach the Pure Heart.

"COME HYEAH! NEW METAL BROTHER! Its name is L-GUNDA-Z!" (And its HP went down from 256 to 64.)

"Why... Why?! Why can't I wiiin?!" "Well... is it because you're weak...?"

Uh, wow. Dimentio just called Mr. L "Eririn," or rather, "L-rin." What.

*Dimentio tries to kill Mr. L* "W... What are you doing?! That's dangerous!!!"

GAME OBERA

But really, I don't think anyone in-game ever calls dying "game overing." Unfortunately.

The Underwhere is the "Underland." I thought it might really just be called hell or something, what with the lack of "game over," so that's good.

"Anyway, how'd you die? Disease? Accident?" "First Goomba on 1-1."

Queen Jaydes is technically still the same, but the end of her name most likely comes from "death."

Ironic how the orange juice fountain that fully heals you is in, you know, the underworld.

The River Twygz is just the Buddhist/Touhou equivalent of the River Styx, the "Sanzu River." Although that's "ribaa," not the usual "no kawa," so I guess that counts for something.

Of course Luvbi doesn't get to be voiced by Uni. Uni only goes for characters you're supposed to like. (And oh geez Luvbi's voice gets deep when she's mad.)

Should you really be swimming across the River Styx? Or any equivalent.

The Overthere is the "Skyland." Yep.

And Luvbi is "Rabueru." Or "Luvel"? Whatever. Grambi is "Grameru"/"Gramel" and Jaydes calls him "Guu-kun." Er. Finally, the Nimbis are "Erueru-jin." The whole "eru"/"el" thing probably comes from the end of "angel," so I'm not sure why they replaced that with "bi." (I admit that "Luvel" sounds a little weird, though.)

And she and everyone else has absolutely no reason to talk like Shakespeare seriously.

Mr. L's theme plays when you find Luigi. I wonder why that would be?

"I'll only meet with a handsome prince! PRINCE ONLY!!"

You can guess her name is "Luvel," "Lubbel," or "Luvella."

I like how she gives a manly gasp before going "EEEEEHHH?!" in her... er, girlier voice.

"Uh, sorry about that... I guess... mustache."

You've got to be kidding me. When Jaydes sends you back to Flipside, she says "HAAAAA! JAYDES, JAYDES, JA-JAYDEEES! HAAAAA! DESUDESUDESUDESUDESUDESU..."

Anna: "Um, and you are...?" Luigi: "Ah, I'm my older brother's younger -" Merlon: "We can have introductions later!"

Oh, huh. I dunno when she got Dashell, but he's "Dadash."

"...Huh? These guys are back? Did they seriously die again?" "I got careless with that Goomba again... you know..."

Oh yeah, and D-Men are "Onin," a portmanteau of "oni' and "nin," person.

When you answer Dorguy/Monbaan the First correctly, he goes "PINPON!"

Nico being Nico, someone actually tried to solve all the math problems. The only way the first one works is if he buys a decimal amount of something. "You mean, a smaller tomato?"

Huh. The second problem has B-san buying 108 notebooks and 666 pens, but they changed 666 to 667. Well, I guess they did change, you know, every single instance of death to "game over," so I shouldn't be too surprised.

"What is my name?" "Kanbaan (Sign) the First," "Monbaan (Guard) the First," or "Babababaaan (Dreeeamcast!) the 64th"?

Wow, either the translators fixed something or they didn't catch it. At the start, it mentions "the panda, A-san" and "the bear, D-san." But at the end, it says "B-san" takes 20 seconds to pick an apple. In English, however, it's just A and B, no D.

"There's a terrible monster -" "Bowser!" "Bowser? No, that's Peach." "Detteiu!"

Bowser: "Grrrr! Why does it always end like this?!" Luigi: "Maybe because you're weak...?"

Man, I forgot the second door commented on your brain age. Terrible.

Whoa, Underchomp is "Hell Wanwan."

Man, Luvbi, stop being a jerk. The Shakespeare talk makes her more annoying, but makes mean stuff like implying that Peach is Mario's girlfriend who doesn't love him sound dumb instead of spoiled jerk-y like it should.

Anyway, the Underwhere Road was just "Underland Road," but "Skyland Road" got changed to Overthere Stair. Couldn't skip any opportunity for a pun, after all.

I like the pink fruit that turns Peach into... a peach. (And then a Nico comment saying "~CHINESE RESTAURANT~" comes up. I don't think I want to know.)

"Uuu... ma... ma... MAZUUUUUI!" ("Umai" is delicious, "mazui" is gross. And since she's waking up, the "uuu" can be interpreted as groaning.)

Bowser is so happy that Peach wakes up that he just keeps his arms raised until the screen pans away from him.

Oh geez, Squirps comments on Mario when the cloud flings him up into space.

This Nimbi guy loves Akieru-chan so much he says her name like ten more times than he needs to, in various ways. (And sometimes it sounds like "Akira-chan" which has strange ramifications.)

By the way, this was true in 4-2 as well, but I like how the only bathroom in the Overthere is male-female.

"WHO AM I?! WHERE IS HERE?! WHERE AM I?! WHEN IS HERE?!"

Bonechill is "Shinigamidasu." "Shinigami" is god of death, if you didn't know.

Man, she killed him in like ten seconds by using a strength-increasing item and Super Jumping him with Luigi, like, twice.

"Skyla - wrong one!" *changes voice from Grambi to Jaydes* I'm surprised that hasn't happened sooner.

Well, I wasn't exactly expecting that when the description said this scene killed his throat... he suddenly reads one of Luvbi's lines in what's probably his normal voice.

Luvbi actually mentions getting back something she bought at Christmas, but she doesn't mention Christmas in the English version. FICTIONAL PAPER ANGELS CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS I SHALL NOT ALLOW THIS RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY TO BE PUSHED UPON ME

Forgot to mention it earlier, but I love how Mimi always changes her dress.

The room Bleck's minions meet in is the same room the final battle is in, but when it zooms out at the end of this scene, it seems to be sorta floating in space. Weird.

8-2 is called "Clash!", but the English version is "The Crash." I hope that wasn't just a silly mistake in the translation process... but yeah, it's pretty likely.

"If you want to reach Count Bleck, you should probably hit this completely non-suspicious block."

I think he sorta forgot Sande~ru's voice, because he's just kind of Homsaring through almost everything instead of actually trying to read it.

Oh hey, these are the exact same choices for "what do you hate" from Paper Mario. The only difference is that Mushroom got upgraded to Ultra Mushroom since it's so late in the game. (Although all of the third question suggestions - "Glittering Mr. Pansy," "Chamelegon," and "Mistake" - are new.)

Looks like she purposefully switched to Peach to show that Chamelegon doesn't even care about Cutegirl-chan anymore, just Jasmine-chan.

Mario and Luigi make backing away from an angry Peach even funnier with their walking animations.

"I'll give you a face full of tears, PEACHYYYYY!!" Echo + deep-Uni: Still pretty creepy.

"Señor and señorita"?! You're supposed to be FRENCH, Dimentio!! (He follows this up with "Mademoiselle Peach," though, so whatever.)

And ends the battle with "NOOOOON!" Yep, French.

Before the sprout sprouts on Luigi, Dimentio calls him the "man in green" in reference to the Dark Prognosticus, and when the sprout sprouts, Luigi shouts "GREEEN!" But that got changed to "Mr. L" and "I AM MR. L!", respectively. Furthermore, "GREEEN!" actually does get used later, as a replacement for "LUILUILUILUI!" after he uses the Chaos Heart. Weird.

And technically, Dimentio saying "the ultimate show," which is where the name of the final boss music comes from, got changed to "the greatest magic show you'll ever see." Yeah, whatever.

No major changes or anything in the ending, so that's it. They didn't do the Pit of 100 Trials or anything... on-camera, at least.

...
.....
..........Fine, I almost did.

Now playing Mario & Luigi RPG 2x2. Pun subtitles not included.

Let's hope I don't spend hours on a boss and die and get angry, or the emulator crashes, or anything like that. At least I've only played it once, not twenty times like the original.

NYAHAHAHA! Also what is Baby Luigi even doing over there with Baby Peach.

Save! "The rom image has crashed." FISH. Googling... okay, that should work.

A Gate? Well, la de da, Mr. Chrono Trigger! Well, what do you call it? A time hole!

Uh, wow. Stuffwell is "Suitcase." That's it. I don't think you could be any less creative.

If the sequel is better in any single way, it's for its use of a cool remix of the SMB overworld theme for the first area, not in random minigames. Oh and the fact that the Beanbean Kingdom is weird and often lame.

"Merry Christake Village"? Huh?

Man, Stuffwell really feels the need to explain everything, doesn't he.

Shroobs are "Gedonko." "Gedon" doesn't really seem to be anything significant.

I like how the music in the village is, like, a sad remix of Jingle Bells.

I have to say, those are some pretty realistically annoying baby crying sounds.

I also like how it gives you pretty the exact same HERE'S HOW TO DO THE SAME BASIC THINGS ON THE OVERWORLD WITH DIFFERENT BUTTONS tutorial for the babies, in case you forgot from a few minutes ago, but it's optional the second time.

Baby Bowser uses "oresama" (I mean, E-MAROSA), not "wagahai." Aw. Though he does say "dechu" a lot. Awwwww.

BAAABIES!!

It's nice how even Baby Luigi is entertained by Luigi's misfortune.

The Shy Guys with cannons on their heads are "Heihou-hou." "Hou" is just cannon.

The Hammer Bros. aren't really special at all. They don't even go "wwwww."

THIS BABYDRILL IS THE BABYDRILL THAT WILL GO UNDER THE GROUND

These spike guys are "Toge-liens." "Toge" being spike.

Swiggler is "Gena-chan." No pun there.

The reporter Koopa is Aya Shameimaru Nokody Hackins.

Yoob is "Geshi." Yep.

Man, there are some "underground" beans in the clouds. Does that count as drilling the heavens?

Sunnycide is "Shocking Egg." ...Um, okay?

I HAVE RULING OF THIS SALON... AND ONE DAY I SHALL AIM TO RURURURULE THE WORLD AGAIN!!

I like how the Koopa reporter just kind of rises out of the sand and says "AHAHAHAHA YOU MORAN."

"You're probably lying... But something smells... scoopy."

The guy with the lollipop is just "Gedonko Monster B." B for Brat, obviously!

Petey Piranha is just "Boss Pakkun." Lame.

Ah, Dossun Volcano, home of cool overworld music and absurd time travel logic.

Past E. Gadd's lab is set on fire by the volcano eruption. Past E. Gadd sees Baby Mario spitting water at the fire. Present E. Gadd suddenly remembers this for no reason and invents a giant FLUDD. TIME DOES NOT WORK THE SAME WAY.

But, really, why did he have to invent it RIGHT THEN? "Oh, you need to PUT OUT A VOLCANIC ERUPTION? Yeah, I invented a water pump thing A WHILE AGO after I saw Baby Mario etc." That would actually make sense. It's like they forgot things could actually happen between the "past" and "present."

Furthermore, he aims it into the Time Hole and water spews out of the other Time Hole, then happens to be attracted to the eruption, which is somehow "put out" by a lot of water. SPACE AND VOLCANOES DON'T WORK THE SAME WAY EITHER.

Mrs. Thwomp or whatever is "Goroboo." Who knows. Also, this is where things really start getting obnoxious. Hooray!

I like how Baby Bowser and Bowser say exactly the same lines to each other, but Baby Bowser says "dechu" and "oresama." They were probably just the same in English.

I AAAM... PRINCESS GEDONKO! YOOOU... ERASE ERASE ERASE!!

On a more serious note, I think Gedonkogo might actually be Japanese with different symbols. I didn't really look into it too seriously, but it definitely looks like the same two characters are repeating when she's going "KESUKESUKESU!"/"ERASE ERASE ERASE!"

Hooray for looting houses in Toad Town!

No, Star Hill really is just Star Hill. It's not yet another "Shooting Star Summit." If the translators were that bad, there'd be a lot more notes for this game and the original.

GREEN MUSTACHE... YOU... WELL... BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME.

Piranha Planet is "Visitor Pakkun"? Huh?

What? You say I only gave you three choices and the correct one was the fourth? THAT'S A LIE!

"Gedonko Monster R"? Way to skip a billion letters. Unless the R is for Rage-IJI.

Gedonko Masters are the worst enemies ever. You do like 200 damage to kill the actual Master, then the regular Gedonko hanging onto him is left. But it doesn't have any attacks of its own; it just instantly revives the Master with full health. Indefinitely. So you have to intentionally kill the Master at the right time and try to kill the regular one one turn at a time. Seriously, you call that a regular enemy?

WEEELL DONE! PEACH-HIME IN WAAAY!! PEACH-HIME ERAAASE!! NOOO RUNNING AWAAAY!! THIIIS KINGDOM IS OUR KINGDOOOM!! ALL OF YOOOU ERASE! ERAAAAASE!!

Princess Shroob: Worst RPG boss or worst RPG boss? There better be a video of the ending somewhere.

Nope. Well, that's it, then! Also it was baby tears all along.

Okay, fine. I went back and beat her with cheats. Which is incredibly satisfying. Look, I beat her for real the first time I played, that's good enough for me.

But seriously. Baby tears. What kind of moral are we supposed to get from this?

Oh yeah and Shrowser is weird. Or whatever he's called, since, you know, you never actually attack him.

Now playing Mario & Luigi RPG. Furururururu.

Beanbean Kingdom is "Mameria Kingdom." "Mame" means bean, but can also mean "loyal" or "hardworking," I guess? Well, puns are definitely back.

Furigana sure was nice, though. This font isn't so great, either. Oh well.

Did they add that D-Pad in the corner when you gain control of Toad? Is that really necessary?

Peach speaks lizards, mice, and bats. Hardcore.

The Koopa Cruiser is the KAME-JET.

Well, way to condense all the area names into one dialogue box, guy. "Ufufu Mountain," "Geragera Reisen Forest," "Kusukusu Sea," and "Dehehe Desert."

Cackletta is "Geragemona." Glaggy for short. Fawful is "Gerakobittsu." Fawful for good-name. (EDIT: Someone on Youtube went with "Gerakovitz," which I like considerably better.)

Fawful pretty much ends his sentences with "ruru" and sometimes throws on a ton of extra ru's, but otherwise doesn't seem THAT weird. Although in one case he used "dea~ruru."

Fawful's warning for his regular attack is "Rurururu!!" in red.

Instead of "HEADGEAR!" at the end of the first battle, he just goes "WELCOME!" (or "irasshai," if you care) out of nowhere. Um, okay.

The boss of Stardust Fields or whatever is "Hossui." Which is most likely based on "hoshi," star.

Prince Peasley is "Prince Mamekku."

In case you didn't already guess, "I have fury!" is "Furururururururu!" And no, "furu" doesn't really mean anything relevant.

Beanies are "Mamebo." Come on, translators, really? You didn't like "Goombeans"?

The Hammer Bros. need the Ohoho Block to make hammers, so the monster in the egg on top of the mountain is "Ohohoragon."

And then a stupid-looking bean kid came out of the egg and went "fufufu" and flashed me.

"Ahaha Ahademy." No, academy isn't usually spelled like that in Japanese.

Just like the English version, the main item of power Cackletta is after is the STARBEANS. Wait, what?

Queen Bean (Mamera)'s arms are actually called Right/Left Arm. I distinctly remember it being a problem that they were all "Queen Bean" in English. (EDIT: Apparently I'm wrong. Maybe it was just idiots who didn't think to target them when they couldn't jump on or do Bros. Attacks on the head with the crown there.)

OTHER SITES INTERLUDE: Well, I used their other articles a little during previous games, but the Mario & Luigi article on The Mushroom Kingdom actually seems to cover a good deal of changes. Oh well. I'm probably not going to bother with those Bubbles jokes, though, so at least look there for those.

Popple is "Panyo." Insert Pangya joke. He still calls Rookie "Rookie," but in battle, he's "Rookie Bowser," as if they weren't certain they wanted to spoil it for the English audience.

Cork and Cask ("Label" in Japanese - huh?) use "mii" tuu, but not "yuu."

"An empty barrel / Get under and slip inside / Feel as a barrel-man..."

The Peachbots are... "Peachvoices"? Well, Cackletta is all like "PEACHVOICE START!!" so I guess.

Fawful really likes his ru's when he's panicking.

Prince Peasley's rotating finger point thing is monstrous.

Uh... that Kusu/Oho Jee didn't really just say something about "Oppai Village," did he? (HOPPAR HOPPAR HOPPAR HOPPAR) (EDIT: I couldn't find anything similar in the English version. I think it was changed to "Are we strange?" Yeah, you really are.)

The Joke's End music (which also plays in the Fire/Thunder Palaces) is still pretty bad.

Good old "I am me."

""Question mark?...", you said?"

Even though the Beanstar is flipped from "Starbeans," the Starbeans Cafe still has the same name. What.

E. Gadd is "Oya Maa," but no one cares because the Poltergust is the OBAKYUUM. Urrrgh.

Oh god. Little Fungitown is... Little Kinoko.

I think that one mole just goes "Congratulations!" in English, but in Japanese he goes "OMEDETO." in a big font. Since it's usually "omedetou," I guess it would be more equivalent to "CONGRATLATION."

Trunkle is "Ganzou," which just means "fake." Okay.

The prize for HIGE-PACHI is an UNBEATABLE TORNADO MUSHROOM.

I'm almost certain Peach's "I-KU-WA-YO-NE?" to Luigi types a lot slower than "You WILL go, right?" or whatever it was in English, which makes it considerably funnier.

Luigi may be convinced he's Mario, but he'll never be able to change the fact that his stupidly high strength stat isn't quite as stupidly high as Mario's.

"Glaggy... I mean, Koopa... I mean, Glaukoopa..."

"Starchu" should have been "Kisstar," not "Starkiss." On the other hand, maybe that's too close to Misstar, especially since she gives you Smooch.

Gwarhar Lagoon is "Herahe-ragoon." The other laugh I know from Cirno's Perfect Math Class!

I like how Luigi poses when he uses the Thunderhand on Mario. Saturday Night Thunder indeed.

OH! NICE!! OH NICE!! THE RED PEARL!!

Hermie III is "Yadorufu III." "Yadokari" is hermit crab. Um, okay. He also does have something of a lisp, so hey.

The fishpeople seem to want, like, all of Luigi's measurements. Including "bust size"? No mention of "favorite snack."

STAR BEANS

Man, Harhall/Kyaharl talks REALLY weird. What kind of self-referential pronoun is "achishi"?

Poor Orange Neon Egg.

Man, I forgot how utterly, utterly unconvincing the fake Starbeans was. You're the worst, Prince Peasley.

I didn't forget how silly the exchange rates were, though.

"HIGE200%" (HIGE is 'stache) is a great effect for an item.

Jojora's friend is all like "TAKE IT EASY FUGAFUGA!!"

Man, I don't remember Chucklissa changing her hair color at the start of the battle.

Okay, "Did you see that?" "Yes. Mustache." is funnier than "Yes. Perfectly."

"You say you know Bowser's Castle from the location of Bowser's room down to the location of the toilets?"

The starfish with a guitar (guitarfish!) calls himself a "Hitode Star," which translates to "Starfish Star." His name is "Starvun." I guess "Spangle" isn't too bad for the English version.

"Finally! After 365 days, you're my first audience Yo." Other than "Zzz," I really never expected to see something like this in an official Japanese game, but there it is. (There's also "Na", which is weird.)

Oh god. Insert a Casket of Star joke or something.

The Hammer Bros. in Bowser's Castle that throw Chain Chomps are "Wanmer Brothers." Cough.

Well, that's weird. In the English version, when you start playing Pong with Larry, the music stops entirely. In the Japanese version, it plays the same suspense music all the other Koopalings get.

The whole Fawful/Peasley exchange after the fight is considerably more ridiculous in Japanese because it's all the same word for "the finale of the finale of the finale" and "negligence's negligence's negligence." And "comeback is come-back upon," but that was there in English.

And that's it. Well, that was pretty uneventful.

Now playing Paper Mario RPG (The Thousand-Year Door).

Or at least, somebody's playing it. No one wants to dump Japanese Gamecube games and no one wants to get me an actual copy (well, sorta), so I'm watching one guy's FIVE guys and girls' one guy and one girl's one guy one girl and one unknown's playthrough(s) of it on Nico. So that's different.

Rogueport is "Gorotsuki Town." ..."Gorotsuki" is "rogue." Oh, well.

Crump is "Pekedaa"? I think the player is just as confused, though, because she had to say it like five times before she got it right.

Goombella is "Christine." Of course, that's spelled "Kuri-sutiinu." And she comes from... the University of Kurifornia. Ow.

Professor Frankly is still Frankly, but... that's spelled "Frankuri." Owww.

Zess T. is "Nancy." Not sure if that's supposed to be anything. But I'm sure a few of the Mario Story Toads with pun names didn't really have them originally.

Flavio is "Marco." Not a bad name, but "Marco hates you all" just doesn't sound as good, I suppose.

"Uh... I know I've seen you before... but what was your name? Um... it wasn't Kuri-manjyuu... Hm... It wasn't Kuri-kinton (mashed potatoes), either... HMMMM... HNNNNNGH..." (The English names are "Goombriel" and "Elizagoom." Lame.)

"Star Stone" sounds really lame compared to Crystal Star, I have to say. (Strangely, they seem to be called both "Star Stones" and "Hoshi no Ishi.") (EDIT: I don't think I ever saw the latter ever again after the first scene they were mentioned, so, uh, never mind.)

"GREAT!! WONDERFUL!! EXCELLENT!!!"

"Dash da, dash!" is far superior to saying, like, "Quickly!" or "Hurry!"

The first Star Stone is in the "Doradora Plains." I dunno how that ended up becoming Petal Meadows, because I think it's supposed to be short for "Dragon."

Gus (the guy blocking the way east from Frankly's house) is actually still Gus. Also, I forgot that Christine actually needs to look for the enemy in a book to Tattle it, not have the information memorized somehow. I never thought I'd say this, but Kurio is way cooler. (I think he's more exploitable for charging, too.)

"It's always the same with you game protagonists! You always think it's fine to use violence!!"

"It's a Kuribo. This book says they're "the smallest of the small fry. King of Small-Fry." ...How rude." (Also that's pretty much exactly what Kurio says about Kuribo, DUN DUN DUN)

I like how the upside-down Blooper's exclamation mark is actually sideways.

"Stage 1"? Man, that's even weirder than "Story."

Christine Katakana-ized "kuri" in a random word. Don't tell me she's been doing that before and I didn't even notice.

Well, "Hanahana Village" can definitely become "Petalburg," at least.

Hooktail is "Gonbaba." Who knows.

The guy with the pink afro in Petalburg who I totally forgot calls Christine "madomoiselle." But I definitely don't remember him becoming a mid-boss...

"WHITE-SHOGUN'S mustache is SO COOL. Mario, you two should have a MUSTACHE FIGHT."

Shhwonk Fortress is "Sutton Fortress," which is probably less a pun on "stone" and more a "thwomp"-esque sound effect.

"Hmm, that's a fine name, Manio." (It's Murphy in English. What? Come on. Furthermore, the choices "It's Mario..." and "Manio is fine" were replaced with "It's Mario" and "The name is Mario!" I personally think it's funnier that you actually have the choice of having no problem with the incorrect name, since he uses it anyway.)

"Welcome, everyone, to the 65th Heart-Racing Quiz~!"

Hey, one of the options for "Who's the elder of Petalburg?" is Koopa Koot.

Yep, looks like Christine does that Katakana thing every time she says "bikkuri," surprise.

Gonbaba is grossed out by something that starts with "ka" and ends with "ru." ("Kaeru," frogs. But it was crickets in English, probably because the sound effect badge doesn't sound much like a frog. For some reason, he seems to be afraid of getting eaten by a giant frog. Obligatory Cirno joke.)

Man, when you start the fight with the red Dry Bones in the room where you get swarmed with them, you start with a full audience of Dry Bones. I forget so much about this game.

"Chuchurina" is a pretty cool name for Ms. Mowz. But "bye-bye, Mister Chu"? What? (Looking at the English script, though, I might have misread "bye-bye, Mister Chu~tie" or something.)

"Wonderfully-Mustached Mister" is better, though. Also, Koops (Nokotarou) doesn't say "Is that legal?" when she kisses Mario, just the "You're so... bold..." part. Lame. I bet he doesn't make an X-Snots joke, either.

Grodus is "Batsugarufu." I really think the majority of these names are just random names rather than puns. Which is kinda sad, actually.

The Shadow Sirens (or Triplets, or Trio, or whatever) are "Majyorin," "Maririn," and Vivian (:>). "Majyo" is witch, "mari" is, um... circular, I guess, and "vivi" (or "bibi," whatever) is insigificant. Yeah, I'm only really sure about the first one. If she's really named Maririn just because she's fat, though, that's pretty awesome.

"Love"? What is love...? Peach-hime, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

And I love the way Peach, like, punches her fists together as she talks.

The guy you trade Star Pieces with is "Kiraro~." "Kirakira" is glittering. Well, that was easy.

Luigi is on an adventure to save PRINCESS ECLAIR of the WAFFLE KINGDOM from THE MONSTROUS KURIKING. (Strangely, it was translated as "Chestnut King," even though it's the same as Goomba King from Paper Mario.) After getting a letter from Minister Crepe. Also apparently one of the SEVEN MIRACULOUS COMPASS PIECES is in RUMBLING VOLCANO on the PUDDING CONTINENT, so that's where he's going. Cool story, bro.

Also, I like how the Paper Mario Story's Chapter Story End fanfare is worked into the song that plays during Luigi's stories.

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: "Uh, right. Good luck rescuing Miss Pudding. I mean, Princess Eclair, right."

Oh man Dea~ru goes "ARUARUARUUU!! DE-AAARU!!!" when you upgrade party members. That's almost as awesome as "jan-jaka-jan," but it shall be missed regardless.

Boggly Woods is "Wondrous Forest." Boggly Woods would probably be a more clever name if they were easy to get lost in or something.

The lottery Bob-omb goes "pan-paka-pan!" ...Fine, Paper Mario RPG, I'll accept it.

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: Man, he has no idea that when the lottery bomb mentions "0:00 AM," he means on the system clock. (It is, though, right?) But yeah, he goes through all the menus looking for it and even considers that it might be the playtime.

Man, the Boos with rabbit ears and bowties look so silly.

I AM THE MALE. I HAVE ZERO FEELING. WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXCHANGE COIN FOR MONTE? (Piantas are "Monte." The don is "Don Monteoone," but he was just Don Pianta in English. Hm.)

Poshley Heights is "Pikarii Hills," which probably has to do with "pikapika," sparkling.

Glitzville is "Uuron Town." "Uron" means "suspicious-looking." Well, that doesn't really sound as... appealing.

"Underground Underground Shop"? What is this, Zork: Grand Inquisitor?

I really don't get why Nancy always looks mad, because she isn't really that angry at you after you get her the new contact lens. Not as happy as Cassie, but still.

Punies are still Punies, and Punio is still Punio. Well.

Flurrie is CLOUDA. And a "sexy madam." Um.

Did... did Clouda just make a metaphor between her heart and a negatively-charged ion? (The English version is something about "negative image of the real world," but I'm sure it said "minus ion.")

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: "It's gone! Gone, I tell you! My... My..." "...Panties."

Clouda recognizes Punio making "punipunipunipunipuni..." sounds.

Oh, right, Maririn keeps going "n-aaa~." Which is really better than "guh."

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: "It's the hag, Vivian, and Marion! Maririn. Marion? Mario? Mariooo!"

"We are..." "The Shadow..." "Sisters Three!!" "The Shadow Sisters Three?!" "Huh?! Vivian! What are you saying?! It's Shadow TRIO! Trio!! Where'd you get "Sisters Three" from?! You're a GUY, aren't you?!?!" (Yes, "GUY" is in red.)

The big flashing sign saying "SECRET ENTRANCE" is in English. Which isn't actually that surprising, I just forgot there was a big flashing sign saying "SECRET ENTRANCE."

Huh. Stylish moves are "acrobat" moves. Well, okay.

X-Nauts are, like, "Army Members." But they're part of the "Megabatten Organization," "batten" being "X." The English version doesn't ever seem to mention an organization of any sort, just X-Nauts, so that's kinda weird.

Also, I couldn't confirm if there was any kind of X-Snots thing when Punio mentioned "Megabatten" because the player had Christine out. Aw.

Punio's sister is "Puniko," which might make the slightest connection to Goombario and Goombaria. "Petuni" IS a pretty good change for the English version, though.

Yux or whatever is "Bariaan." Based on Varia, of course. I mean, barrier.

Man, how did I not get that until this guy actually said it? Chuchurin probably kisses Mario all the time because "chu" is onomatopoeia for kissing.

"Stop your punipunipuni-ing!"

Hey, wait... did Puniko just refer to herself in third person too?

"Um... the mustached Mariko..." (Although this elder at least tried to get it right. On a related note, Marty-o in English.)

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: As soon as he gets moving with eleven Punis, he's like "Oh, it's Pikmin!" and starts humming Ai no Uta.

Piders are actually still Piders. Although single ones are called "Piders" for some reason.

The Jabbies are the "Toge." Which just means "spike." Naming!

Why exactly is one of the things you can ask the elder "I love you"?

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: Oh, come on, he's searching every bush for items during the timed escape sequence?!

MAGNUS VON GRAPPLE is "Batten Daarobo," or more likely, "Batten the Robot." Eh. I think the translators just looked at Crump and his robot and thought up the silliest possible names.

BATTEN STOMPING!!

TEC, you're a weeeird computer. (I forgot about Peach dancing with TEC-herself.)

Super Bowser is still awesome. GOAL IN!

"I... I won't let anyone take my precious 1:1 Scale Princess Peach Poster!!"

THE PIT OF 100 TRIALS is... "The 100-Floor Dungeon." Man, come on, guys.

On his way through the jungle to Rumbling Volcano, Luigi met a Blooper named KICK. Kick-awesome. And he can use the WHITE BULLET. After evading many traps and defeating a stone statue for the first part of the Miraculous Compass, now he's heading to STRUDEL CONTINENT to go to POKKORI VILLAGE...?

One of the requests is from BOMBTONIO. Yes.

Don Pianta's daughter is "Monii" and her lover is "Piiton." I guess they kind of sound like Monte and Pianta, not like I know why they'd care about the English name.

"Dad!!!!! <3" "Dad!!!!! ...I mean, Boss!!!!! <3"

Oh. Well, according to the English sign (because what big city place in a Japanese game doesn't have any English), it's actually supposed to be "Oolong" Town. Close enough.

"Gold Hawk?" A lot of these names don't have nearly enough rawk.

"You're all novices! You cowards are better off running back home to play with your video games! I AM NUMBER ONE!! I AM CHAMPION!!"

Grubba is "Gansu." Mentioning these names seems so pointless when there don't seem to be any puns involved. On a better note, guess who brought back "mii" and "yuu"? And all the other English words?

This is seriously pretty ridiculous. A SUPER DE RICH DE LIFE AWAITS YUU! Yuu're surely thinking of becoming the CHAMPION, the ONLY ONE in the world! (Just like the Hakurei Shrine.) And to top it off, when he asks you to sign to become a fighter, your choices are "yes" and "no." (I think you know what I mean.)

"Yuur ring name is THE GREAT GONZALES! What a strong-sounding name!"

"Yuur DEBUT BATTLE is with the KURIKURI BROTHERS! But it should be IIJII for YUU."

"Let's! FIIIIIGHT!"

Ahem. "Kouraazu," probably abbreviated version of "Shell Bros." "Bone Wilders"... or "Wielders," probably. ...And then my idea fell apart because I had to switch to the other LPer, and she cut out everything but the battles and scenes afterward. Geez.

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: Aw, man, I thought she was going to name the baby Yoshi "Eeto" (Japanese equivalent of "um"), because that's what she said when the naming screen came up and it would be a great self-parody. Instead she named him "Edamame." Green soy beans. What.

MEGA NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: So, at this point, I really don't want to watch Upotsu's LP. (That was the one I watched for two videos before finding Shippu's, which I switched to up until now.) I mean, how can you read Rawk Hawk's lines in that pathetic voice? (EDIT: But this really didn't end up affecting things very negatively at all; it just made me more willing to skip over long boring parts without dialogue.)

Wait, who is the pink afro guy even calling "mademoiselle"? Christine doesn't get forced out or anything.

"This is a report on the Star Stones! A report... with pictures!" (Except Upotsu had EDAMAME out instead of Koops, geez. Okay I know she's not that great but I should really focus more on the game than making fun of Upotsu.)

The phone booth randomly calls random people you've met who are actually identifiable. But sometimes it goes "Moshi moshi, moshi moooshi. Moshi moooooshi, moshimoooooooshi." And so on. Um, okay.

Gansu hears you in the attic (or whatever) and asks "Who's there?!" Your choices are "chuuchuu" for mouse sounds, "nyaanyaa" for cat sounds, and "kyuu-chan" for Raphael the Raven sounds. (Well, okay, they go "kyuu" and I think Raphael calls the little ravens "Kyuu-chan." Why am I mentioning this stuff now instead of in the Mario Story section?)

"TECHNIQUE AND TECHNIQUE! POWER AND POWER! SOUL AND SOUL HAVE COLLIDED! A truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, truly, legendary battle!! And this EXCELLENT BATTLE'S VICTORY GETTO goes to THE GREAT GONZALES!! CONGRATULATION, Gonzales! YUU ga CHAMPION!!"

Huh, Gansu actually says "Oh my god!" and runs out when you find out about his power-sucking machine thing.

MA-CHO! (Yeah, he's still "Macho" Gansu. Appropriately.)

"Peach-hime, do you like the world as it is now? Is it such a brilliant place? Boom de yada, boom de yada."

"Some guy named Mariko came and took the Star Stone a while ago. He was collecting some legendary treasures to rescue... Princess Pinch, was it?"

Luigi's Bob-omb partner from Pokkori Village is "Cherry." And - wait what the UPOTSU YOU TALK TO EVERYONE EVER WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING TO LUIGI I HATE YOU

Oh, right. I just remembered that Upotsu probably isn't going to do the 100-FLOOR DUNGEON, so apparently Bonetail is "Zombaba."

Twilight Town is "Usugura Village." "Usugurai" is dim, and no one really cares about the i's on the end of adjectives.

"The pipe sent you back!" isn't as funny as "THE PIPE REJECTED YOU" from the English version.

"The lover of dark places" is "Kuragari," which just means darkness. English name: Darkly.

When Darkly writes the baby Yoshi's name on him, he's like "Hey, watch where you're writing!" in English. In Japanese, he's like "Hee hee, that tickles." ...Huh.

Man, the 3D pigs look so weird. I think Li'l Oinks (man I never checked what those were in Japanese) looked less utterly out of place. (Also, the Chapter 4 title was "For Pigs the Bell Tolls" or something, right? That's actually pretty much exactly what it used to be.)

Creepy Steeple is "Odoron Temple." Um, the only thing that seems close to is "odoru," dance, and that doesn't make much sense, does it?

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: "Pongo! Er, bingo!"

Not sure if this is even supposed to be a joke, but the pigs go "buhi," and one goes "buhuu." I guess he's sad.

The elder doesn't really make any variations on "turn into a pig," such as "piggified."

"I bet you thought a sexy lady was going to come out!"

Someone didn't get a memo written in 1991 or something, because "Atomic Boo" got changed to The Big "Boo" in SMW but was left as-is for the optional boss in Creepy Steeple.

"The people in the town always went "butsubutsu" (grumbling), so I thought I'd be funny if they went "buhibuhi" instead!" In English, he says "they're always wallowing in gloom, so I figured they might as well wallow in mud!"

Oh man, Doop - I MEAN ???? has Cindelman's laugh. Ushashashashaaa! Also, I don't see any "Slick." Aw. Though he does say "ciao!" enough that the baby Yoshi calls him (well, you, technically) "the annoying guy who went "ciao!" and "ushashashasha!"."

"Ushashashasha?! That... that's... BANANA! I mean, that's baka-na..."

The crows have some of the best dialogue in the game, I swear. (At least she's talking to all of them!)

"Ciao! I'm Mario! Nice to meet you! Ushashashasha!" Mario's partners aren't very bright, are they.

Man, I just remembered. Vivian seriously doesn't remember what Mario looks like, even when she sees Doopliss as him? And while Doopliss just happens to not mention the name Mario while Vivian is around until the fight at the end, shouldn't she figure it out from the above line? So maybe Vivian's not so bright either.

Anyway, on a slightly different note, does anything special happen if you guess that his name is Mario? I'm sure I probably tried it back when I played it, but I forget.

Doopliss is "Ranperu" (EDIT: but really, "Rumpel"; thanks, Mario Wiki) and the "n" is stolen. Which is usually in such a place on a Japanese name entry screen that you might not even notice, unlike with P.

When Doopliss runs away, he goes "I'll remember this!!", much like almost every Duplighost in Mario Story. It got changed to "YOU KILLJOYS!!!" Um, okay. They kinda messed around with Doopliss's lines more than anyone, but it sorta fits because come on, he's a Duplighost in a party hat.

Which of the following is the treasure beyond the Thousand-Year Door? "1,000,000,000 coins," "a reeeally rare badge," or "an evil spirit from 1000 years ago"? When Grodus obtains the evil spirit, what does he plan to do with it? "Love it dearly," "revive the spirit," or "volunteer"?

"Hey, you! Tickets for one evil king and one lively gal!"

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: "You, in front of the television! You better listen!" "No, it's a laptop."

...Wait, seriously? He wasn't just saying it's on "a tropical island," he was saying it's on TROPICO ISLAND? That's pretty much the worst name ever.

So you can suggest that Marco/Flavio needs "romance," "emotion," "thrills," and/or "money." Unfortunately, he ends up on the same idea no matter which you choose, so only one got chosen in the video: thrills. "Thrills... hm... Perhaps it is thrills I need... The ends of my clothes fluttering in the wind... Ah! Wrong! That's FRILLS!! I need THRILLS!!!" This got changed to "chills," even though it surprisingly works just as well in English.

After that, he's like "Surely this adventure will be full of romance and emotion and thrills and even money!" But the money part seems to be missing from the Japanese version, even though choosing money still seems valid to get him onto the topic.

Marco's ship is the "Marcon." "Flavion" is slightly catchier.

Bobbery is "Bareru." Which is probably supposed to be "Barrel."

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: Man, Upotsu really doesn't like Chuchurina for some reason. She's like, "Chuchurina joined the party, DAMMIT."

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE 2x COMBO: She pronounces the musical note that's in one of Flavio's dates "nyaaa." For the rest of them she just kind of mumbles.

"Hey, you in front of the TV! You've probably already figured out who I am, but don't tell Mario, okay?!" "Who does he mean by "you in front of the TV"?!"

Speaking of which, they call the mysterious sailor, uh, "Mr. Glasses Sailor." In English, it's "Four-Eyes." Seeing as they pretty much accept him as part of their crew, yeah, it's probably a good thing that they changed it to an actual name.

Bobbery wants "Vintage Red," which appears to be some kind of wine, not Chuckola Cola. But was Chuckola Cola originally Vintage Red? Perhaps this mystery will be solved IN FUTURE DAYS... (Future edit: No, it's entirely different. Although the S.S. Chuckola in M&L is the S.S. Vintage.)

Man, what. Bobbery is like "No complaints, Marco?" and he says "...Yes?" And I'm not even sure that could actually mean "um, YES complaints!" in Japanese. So yeah, Marco doesn't really hate them all. Disappointing.

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: "Cortez! ... ... ...Exclamation mark."

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE COMBO DE COMBO: "But I'm actually... Buh! Buh! Buh buh huh! The great LORD CRUMP!!!" "I am surprised."

At the start of the battle with Crump, he says "I'm gonna turn you into wee seeds!... Wait, I mean SEAWEED!" He makes the same mistake in Japanese, except the mistaken word doesn't actually seem to be a word.

I like how the Zess T. cooking music plays while Peach is mixing the potions.

"Excellent. You have become completely invisible. But now, please remove your dress."

Okay, I know you need some way to see her, but Peach really shouldn't still have a shadow.

Luigi's Mr. Pansy partner is "Rakugan," hard candy. But Upotsu still hates Luigi himself.

The Excess Express is the RICHRICH EXPRESS. Gee I wonder what it's like riding it.

"Aishiteru! Aishiteru! Aishiteru! Aishiteru! Aishiteru! Aishiteru! Aishiteru! Aishiteru! Aishiteru!" And oh man I forgot about the counter. That's awesome and actually makes it a little better than the tedious parts of SPM.

The note when you get on the Excess Express just says the train is going to blow up, not anything specific. The English version makes it "sticky and yummy doom," and those adjectives are pretty much exclusively used to refer to the threat. I guess they really didn't want to talk about blowing up trains.

Pennington is "Powan," and Zip Toad is... "Mister Tron"?

Smorg is "Moamoa." Not much meaning in that, unless it's supposed to be "more more."

I kinda forgot that the Luigi-clothes badge was in the secret room in Poshley Sanctum. Of course, they couldn't give it to you before you were on the train with Pennington.

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: "I wonder if TEC will be calling me soon..." *door opens* "Ooh... Peach has telepathy."

"The MOON?! You mean, like the moon up in the sky?!"

Poor TEC. :<

When Rawk Hawk comes in during the Bowser section, he says "Don't tell me you forgot Rawk Hawk!" then points at the screen and seems to say "And you! You better not have forgotten me, either!!" They changed this to "You forgot these muscles? You forgot this hugeness?" even though he probably still points at the screen. I guess I could see how that'd happen if the translators didn't know he was doing that.

Man, "mugyuu" is so very not a Rawk Hawk noise. It is a Kammy Koopa noise, though.

"Mario: I know where I'm being held captive now. It's the moon. Yes, the one in the sky."

Luigi's... weird partner is "Su-creamy." So the pun still works as "Screamy," except the Japanese version is also a love away from "ice cream."

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: "This may take some time. Come back in a little while." "Um... a little while...?" *leaves the room and comes back in*

Fahr Outpost is "Saihate Village." "Saihate" is "the furthest ends." So, yeah.

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: She thought Rebeera/Chet Rippo was Kogasa Tatara a karakasa Kogasa Tatara. I don't see the resemblance.

The Bob-ombs in Fahr Outpost don't seem to go "da" or anything. But all Bob-ombs tend to end their sentences with "bomb," so they're sorta all Russian...? Um, anyway.

Actually, the mayor seems to use "jya." I actually forgot if it was just him or all of them who were super-Russian.

Goldbob is "Goldman." Come on, get your species straight.

The Petalburg elder thinks WHITE-SHOGUN went to "Torotoro (dozing off) Island."

That whole "I'VE been looking for YOU!" thing with WHITE-SHOGUN is still just mean.

The cannon scene is still the greatest. (And pretty much all the commands WHITE-SHOGUN gives are pretty much English.)

The 66th yeah yeah yeah. Those Thwomp's eyes look so much like Kamina glasses.

What's hidden in this room? "Card Key," "Monkey," "Elevator Key," or "Tamaa Ni Lucky"? (The last being a badge - either Pretty Lucky or Lucky Day, I forget.)

What's the name of the girl waiting in Petalburg for Koops's return? "Puniko," "Maririn," "Marco," or "Nokorin"? (I don't think I mentioned it before, but yeah, Nokorin is Koopie Koo.)

"Batten the Mark 2!"

"Hey, Mister! What's your name?" "<Give a fake name> Gwahahaha! I'm King Koopa Koot!" "Hmm... that's a weird name!"

"Hey, Mister! What's your name?" "<Just an office worker> Gwahahaha! I'm King Bowser the office worker!" Then the kid makes some weird joke about business trips so I'm sure this got changed somehow. (He can give the same names to Pennington, and the GameFAQs script has those, so it seems to be "the Shadow Thief." Man, with that and Chuckola Cola, I wonder how many of these translators were also on Mario and Luigi.)

I like how Goldbob and his wife are staring at the fountain talking about how it's art and Bowser is just like "I don't get it."

"Thousand-Year... Door...? What's that?!" The English subtitle for this game, of course.

Poorer TEC. :<

Bunbaba is Gloomtail. (Translator's note: Gloomtail is Bunbaba.) Also, I forgot Hooktail was his little sister. I guess she WAS sort of a wimp, being weak to cricket frogs and all. (Cricket Pie, even? Make whatever joke you want there.)

"I... I'm sorry..." is in English. Doopliss, you're weird.

Majyorin calls Doopliss "Shirosuke," which is just a generic name based on shiro/white. English version: "freak-sheet." Yeah, sounds about right.

Whoa, when Doopliss copies Mario, he's red even if he's wearing a color-changing badge. Is Doopliss colorblind or something? Anyway when you beat him he's like "OH! NOOO!", also in English. Maybe he copied Gansu at some point?

"I see a Save Block ahead. You should definitely save." Don't you push me around, Christine.

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: Wait, the LP I watched most of was by "Maple" all this time?! Seriously? How did I get that wrong?! (EDIT: Oh, "up(load) otsu..." Geez.) Well, forget you, I'm not going back and changing all of the "Upotsu"s now.

Batsugarufu has "Batsubarians" to make his shield.

Man, the Shadow Queen is pretty creepy. Not as creepy as 3D pigs though, of course.

NICO PLAYER INTERLUDE: Even though I've switched to a commetary-less, only BP-levelling run for the last stretch, they're still coming: he overlaid GONG for the long scene where the Crystal Stars go out to all the towns. Yes.

Hey, one of the townspeople in Twilight Town is worried about "that girl" Vivian. Good for them.

"Clouda made her comeback on the stage, and she's very lively! Right now, she's performing in a play based on our adventure. The title is "Paper Mario"! It's really interesting."

"At last, it seems these sisters (?) three have learned to get along." Welp, that seems like a pretty appropriate way to end this.

Now playing Mario Story. Also known as Paper Mario. Not known as Paper Mario Story.

Tayce T. is Cassie, or "Kyashii." Yeah, probably a pun on "okashi," sweets.

The subtitle for the prologue is "Stars and Mario and Goombas and..." as opposed to "A Plea to the Stars" or whatever. I guess it didn't fit.

Goombario is "Kurio." (Get it, he wants to be like Mario.) Goombaria is "Kuriko." Gooma is "Kuribaa." Goompa is "Kurijii." (Coming from the words for grandmother and grandfather. Also, those two actually feel the need to explain the puns in their names.) Goomama and Goompapa are "Kurimama" and "Kuripapa" but are usually called just Mama and Papa.

Kuriko ALWAYS seems to refer to herself in third person. I don't remember seeing any pronouns ever. And really why else would you say "Kuriko mo!" for "Me too!"

Jr. Troopa is "Kowappa." That isn't even a PUN on "brat," it just IS. But it's also a similar-looking character away from "Kokuppa," the Koopalings.

The Goomba Bros. are "Kurired" and "Kuriblue." The Goomba King is "Kuriking." Nothing special, really.

The Dojo guys are Chan and Lee, right? Well, in Japanese, the former was CHEEEEEN

Bulb-ulbs are... Flower-san.

Shooting Star Summit actually has the exactly same name as Star Hill in SMRPG. Huh. (The former is the more accurate translation, naturally.)

Peach tells T(w)ink to tell Mario her exact words of "I'm fine and Mario shouldn't worry" or something. In English, they aren't the exact words, but they are in Japanese. Translated too far apart, I guess?

Merlon is "Dea~ru." Which is also his end-of-sentence-catchphrase. One of the parts of his long, boring story is even ".....de.......... a~ru..... ga....."

"Chapter" 1 is actually "Story" 1. I don't get that.

Kameki (Kooper) ends most of his sentence with "ssu." He must be a Prinny or something.

Yeah, I thought Kurio might have had different music just because he was first, but I'm pretty sure the party member joining music is totally different in the English version. I have no idea why.

Oh, so Kolorado is "Charles." That's weird. I guess it means he's British, though?

Instead of KAWIIIIIZ, Chuck Quizmo goes JAN-JAKA-JAAAN! That's rad. (Also, he's "Hatena Worm," "hatena" either having to do with surprise or question marks. I guess you could say he's an... interrobug.)

Bombette is "Pinky." Is that even a pun?

NOKO BROS. SCREW ATTACK!!

No sleep until Story Clear!

Bandits are "Borodou," which is almost "thief" backwards. Astounding wit.

Sande~ru wants to give me a "cute curse." Okay. (Also, she doesn't always rhyme, but she does keep a similar pattern for her syllables.)

Tutankoopa is "Kaamen." Well, that worked out pretty nicely, didn't it?

Slow Go is "Noroi Noroi," since it means both "slow" and "curse."

Before you fight him, Lee says "aye aye, sir!" What?

PANEL DE... GOOO!

"Princess Peach looks nice and obedient, but the truth is, her <3<3<3<3<3 is really ****. I wonder if Bowser XXX and OOO <3<3<3<3..."

What kind of Boo is named "Leonheart"?

Yakkey is just the "Magic Key." Man, I was expecting some sweet pun. (EDIT: I didn't notice this, but Mario Wiki says that when you actually use him, he's referred to as the "Mystical Key," so they must have accidentally used his original name. Imagine that.)

I should have said this a while ago, but Koopa Koot doesn't say anything like "jumpin' Piranha Plants!!" He does praise Mario in slighty different ways, but not really in that way, and I don't think they're even as varied.

Doing Chuck Quizmo (jan-jaka-jan!) questions and oh god the bearded guy in Forever Forest is "Maurey." "Mori" is forest.

Chet Rippo is "Rebeera," which sounds like "leveler," but the latter half is probably supposed to be a strange play on "heru," to decrease.

Which is one of Pinky's skills? "Sing," "dance," or "explode?"

Command(o) Heihoo is not only named for "commando," but because he can steal your hammer, and with it, your hammer... command. YEAHHHHH

This emulator doesn't draw the darkness, like, at all, so the Big Lantern Ghost fight looks really silly. Stupid emulator.

Oh man Bow's eyes (I mean Resaresa, did I even mention her name before) go SO CRAZY when she gets stunned by his light attack I love it

Watt/Akarin goes "babuuu" and "decha" a lot and refers to herself in the third person. (I'm going with female, but her gender is just as vague as the English version - her speech is pretty childish, I guess, but not necessarily feminine. Probably worth mentioning that baby is "akachan.") Also, she replaces "su" with "chu" a lot.

But in summary: "Let'chu gooo, decha! Babuu."

Peach stirs with such intensity.

Oh god Muskular (AKA Neil; yeah, the Star Spirit names are weird) just called Twink a "fresh young boy." I know what he really means but geez.

I think the question in English was "What does Gourmet Guy like? Cake, mushrooms, or Kooper?", but here, it's just "turtles," not Kooper. Huh.

The three gossiping (I guess) Toads in front of the dojo are Cherry, Mary, and... Shelby?

Forgot to mention it earlier, but Bootler is "Sebastian." Franky is "Theodore." Igor is "Claus." How could you willingly get rid of that kind of classiness?

You probably could have guessed this yourself, but the whale doesn't say anything about Dr. Mario. But Luigi still says "We used to play Golf, Tennis, and have Parties" and "I wonder if they have a Nintendo 64?" in his diary.

I'll never get used to seeing "Zzzzz" in Japanese games. (The Yoshi Kid sleeping in a tree, that is.)

And for further clarification, Charles still calls the whale a tuna and Misstar a starfish. Is this kind of thing really necessary? Yeah, probably not.

How do you get to the Flower Land? "Go through the Flower Gate," "pray," or "yell?"

Jammin' Jelly was Royal Jelly. We all know that was an improvement.

Rip Cheato is "Bottaku~ru," which without the tilde just means "to rip off." But his name is totally different from Chet Rippo, so I don't know why they named Chet what they did. Other than their willingness to both give you things at the low, low price of...

Kent C. Koopa is "Zeninoko." I think "zeni" is some really old word for money or something. (So I also suppose that's where the Megaman currency comes from.)

The big tree in Flower Land/Fields laughs with a Katakana "ho," which is very close to the kanji for tree. Maybe I'm just overthinking it, but it definitely works.

One of the FLOWER-SANS in the main area ends all its sentenes with "hana," flower. Now that's just silly and more than I can bear, kuma.

The lying flower called me a SUPER IDOL. Insert "Go Mario's Way!!" joke.

Ahahaha the Crayzee Dayzees are "Mr. Pansies." Amazee Dayzee is just "Sparkling Mr. Pansy."

When Petunia/Hanako calls attention to the Monty Moles, it's pretty much just "this guy, this guy, definitely this guy, and this guy!" Not nearly as varied. (And strangely enough, they're "Flower" Monty Moles in battle. Even though they're screwing with Petunia.)

Posie (the long-nosed one under the crystal tree) is "Yuurii." "Yuri" means lily and "yuuri" means profitable.

The yellow flower gatekeeper actually says "bonjour" and "tres bien," but they were changed to "good day" and "bravo!" Huh.

Lily is "Suireen," which is just "water lily" with a dash in the middle. Welp. (By the way, this is the case with almost all the badges. They're very, very descriptive names with dashes stuck in the verb.)

Rosie is "Barbara." "Bara" is rose, and she has thorns, so...?

The Bubble Plant doesn't have to do with bubbles at all! He has to do with soap. Um.

Lakilester/Pokopii calls Mario "brother," not "man." But that seems to have pretty much the same meaning for cool Japanese kids like him. And his totally rad name for himself is... Jonathan.

"Hey! What are you doing? Don't you know how to grow a plant? You have to use the soil, seed, and water in order."

"SOIL! SEED!! WATEEEEER!!! ...is what I said. Try listening to me!"

Man, I didn't even remember Huff 'N' Puff (Ozumon... whatever that means) having a theme before his fight, but it's pretty cool.

What best describes the relationship between Mario and Luigi? "Lovers," "friends," or "brothers?" (The first choice was replaced with "neighbors" in English. Smooth.)

Herringway is "Gonbee." Who knows. (Answer: Probably someone who knows Japanese writers.)

Too bad they couldn't fit "Legendary" Scarf and "Wonderful" Bucket.

I was expecting the fake Kameki to drop the "ssu," but no, he catches on pretty well.

Duplighosts are "Bakebake" - "obake," ghost, plus "bakeru," to disguise.

Breaking the pattern, Merlar is just "Crysta~l." They can't all be winners.

"Blunt Sword" decreases your damage and enemy's damage by one. "Double-Edged Sword" increases both. Yeah, I always thought "P-Up D-Down" and "D-Up P-Down" were pretty bad names.

The fake Pinkys actually talk pretty similarly, though one of them ends her sentences with the Katakana "wa." The key is how they refer to themselves - the real one uses "atai." Also, one calls Mario "Master."

The Crystal King is "Paralleller." Truly unparalleled naming ability is at work here.

The geometric projectiles Paralleller uses are "Paralleler Options." Uh, Speed Up?

For reference, the Star Spirits are "Chooru," "Maaru," "Haaru," "Niiru" (Neil?), "Neeru," (Nell? NAYRUUUUU?!) "Teeru" (Tale?), and "Daaru."

What's the name of the Star Kid with Princess Peach? "Jink," "Tink," or "Little Star?"

So long, farewell... Bye! (That was originally just "sa~yo~na~ra~!", so it's actually the same as always for the final question. Aww.)

"Pinkyyyyyy! Suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da suki da"

"Jonathan" gets a letter from a non-traitor Latiku called "Flight." Lakitus have some really bad names. (Edit: Man he's actually still Flight in the English version.)

Guess what? Not only is Shooting Star Summit actually the same as Star Hill, Star Way is actually the Star Road.

Mario learned how to use the "Star Flush!"... I mean, Flash. Right.

We're the Super Ultra Noko Bros. the Great!!

Oh yeah so I beat Bowser. I totally forgot/didn't know the guy in Dry Dry Outpost who was like "Ha! Where on earth would there be a house with a spinning roof?!" shows up in the ending to comment on Merlon's house, but that's awesome.

Bluey (the bomb who's obsessed with Pinky) is totally the best character. After Chuck Jan-Jaka-Jan, at least.

Yeah, Herringway writing "Mario Story" makes slightly more sense than naming a book "Paper Mario."

Man, even in the ending, the mayor's wife goes "ohohohohoho." Creepy.

Hey, I just noticed... in the parade, Tutankaamen manages to dodge his Chomp by turning sideways. Could this be a sign of... SUPER PAPER MARIO COMING TO A VGPERSON.COM NEAR YOU

No, just kidding. (Well, I was at the time...)

Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Missing Subtitle.

Almost all of Peach's messages in the intro Bowser fight end with a heart. <3

The (aim for the) chain is named Chanderiwan. Bowser doesn't make any jokes about it, he just yells at it to keep holding on. "Fungah" is pretty much what it originally was, so hey.

Vista Hill is shortened from "Hill You Can See Bowser's Castle From." Well, yeah, I guess that's an improvement.

I forget what the choices are in English, but you can tell the Toad who's jumping on his bed trying to jump as high as Mario two things: "Ganbatte!" or "muri." That is, "keep at it!" or "NEVER." You know I found this hilarious because I still remembered it and went back to add it after doing like six other Japanese Mario games. Anyway enough future talk.

The Toad who gives the excuse "I left my bazooka at home" used to give the excuse "I'm a GUARD!" As in, he shouldn't go running after Croco because he needs to be guarding. Which really makes more sense than absurdity.

Croco talks kinda weirdly. In Japanese, that tends to mean using random English phrases (such as "no time" and "no problem" - even stranger, I believe those were preceded by Japanese equivalents). But it's not just phrases, because he refers to himself with "mii" and to other people with "yuu."

All the mimic chests are named variations on "Nandarou?", or essentially "What's this?" So yeah, whatever, box puns.

Belome is still Belome, because "bero" means tongue. He doesn't rhyme for the scarecrow thing, but he ends almost all his sentences with "naa~" or something, which I guess is supposed to make him sound really hungry.

The sewers between the "Kinoko" Kingdom and "Kerokero" Lake are the Kinokero Sewers. The path between "Kerokero" Lake and "Roozu" Town (Rose Way) is Keroozu. Gotta love portmanteaus.

By the way, "Kerokero Cola" and "Noknok Shell" come from the noise for ribbiting and the Japanese name for Koopas, Nokonoko. Yeah, SMRPG has kind of a weird translation in places.

I think this was lost in translation: at the end of Rose Way, Bowser introduces three groups - "shelled warriors," "hooded sorcerers," and "groundling Goombas." But I'm pretty sure he wasn't referring to the groups, but to the names of the leaders of the groups. And, in fact, the three he names are the shop Goomba in Monstro Town, Jagger in Jinx's dojo, and the Magikoopa in his castle. So they're not just random guys from his army who abandoned him.

Bowyer does indeed use a bunch of "nyas" in Japanese. So when Geno shows up, he's all like "NYANI?!"

No mention of Bruce Lee. Wait until the (spiritual) sequel.

Boshi is Washi, for the same reason Wario is the bad Mario - "warui" means bad.

When Mario and Bowser are talking at the base of Bukki/Booster's Tower and Peach hears them, she says "did I just hear something?" In the Japanese version, Bowser constantly uses "wagahai" (which is kinda arrogant) to refer to himself, so Peach is actually like "wait, is someone saying "wagahai" down there...?"

I guess it's not technically wrong, but the Japanese version seems to be slightly clearer about Booster thinking that Peach going "MARIOHELPMEMARIOHELPME" is a magic spell or something, then going "oh, wait, maybe she's asking "Mario" to "help her"..."

Mid and Max Mushrooms were renamed from Super and Hyper Mushrooms because of the character limit. Pick Me Up is "Revival Drink." Red Essence is shortened from "Red Yoshi Essence." (I think you can get a regular Yoshi Essence from that hungry Yoshi on Yo'ster Isle.) Amulet is shortened from "Booster's Amulet."

Pretty much unrelated to anything, but I named my file "S-chan-san," so that's the password in Booster's Tower.

The fake Toads in Seaside Town pretty much talk like robots. They also space their words weirdly. (Ariga togozai ma.)

"P-e-a-r-l-s" was "su-i-zo-ku-ka-n," aquarium. The shaman's hint is "it's something to do with fish." King Kalamari is "Octopus Pot Blooper." Um, okay.

The guy in Seaside Town who takes mushrooms from the Forest Maze/Wiggler Forest is pretty much a hippie in Japanese. Or at least, he says "Yay!" and "Peace!" a lot.

Mokumoku is another example of not-really-even-translation. It supposedly means "silent," but tends to be associated with poison gas for whatever reason.

Jinx was "Jackie." How did they add Bruce Lee and take out Jackie Chan? What is their bias, exactly?

Did Mario always explain "Star Piece" by catching a star and then giving a peace sign? I can't imagine why they'd remove it, but I also don't know how I'd forget something like that.

The upgraded Chomp is "Wan Two." In the English version, it's "Chomp Chomp" instead of just "Chomp," so hey, at least they tried. (Somewhat related note: In Doukutsu Monogatari, Jenka's dogs go "Wan!" "Two!" "Three!" "Yo~n.")

Birdo/Catherine's egg projectiles are "Tamatama" - "tamago," egg, plus "tama," bullet.

"Heavy" Troopa and the "Lazy" Shells are more along the lines of "obese." And "Heavy Troopa is ready to launch" is more like "Obese Troopa is struggling to get up." Awesome.

Yeah, yeah... Hinopio is a pun on "hi," fire, and Kinopio, Toad. I guess someone didn't get a list of Mario names.

The Ono/Axem Rangers are prLET'S FORMATION! FORCE SET ON! TOHHH! JUSTICE BREAKER!!

Armored Ant was originally "Ari no Yuusha." "Ari" is ant, "yuusha" is hero... so why doesn't the English version have an Anty-Hero? (EDIT: Upon learning that Ted Woolsey did the translation for this game, I have literally no idea how he could possibly pass this up.)

Bahamutt was "Doshi," presumably short for "Dragon Yoshi," which does describe him pretty well.

Once Again! Chandeli-Ho, who holds up the chandeliers during the Boomer fight, isn't supposed to be an exclamation, but based on Heihoo. Again, lacking a Mario name list. On the other hand, it's an awesome name and I can't think of a better one incorporating "Shy Guy."

Kaliber/Exor's mouth is just "Mouth." What in the hell is a Neosquid.

Bowser's haiku... isn't actually a haiku. It's something like... "Why is everyone always yammering about Mario? My heart is full of sadness. - Evil King Bowser"

Smithy is "Kajioh." Sweet name. But it translates to "blacksmith king," so yeah, whatever.

The arrow that tries to calm Smithy down is named "Aaron." Terrible.