(AKA: Touhou Dr. Seuss)
Namusan and Man
"I am Man.
Man I am."
"Human, I am, but a kind woman.
I do not like that hateful Man."
"Would you kill a youkai, ma'am?"
"I would not kill one, hateful Man.
I care too much to say I can."
"Would you like to here or there?"
"I would not like to here or there.
I would not dare to anywhere.
I will not kill a youkai, Man.
I would not kill one, namusan."
"Would you kill one with this hat?
Would you kill one with a rat?"
"I do not care what hats they wear,
Nazrin means naught to this affair.
I will not kill a youkai, Man.
I would not kill one, namusan."
"Would you kill one if it talks?
Would you kill one that's a fox?"
"To talk shows how much they are we,
And, fox or not, that's plain to see.
I will not kill a youkai, Man.
I would not kill one, namusan."
"Would you? Could you? For your life?
Kill one! Kill one! With a knife!"
"I show mercy, knives I eschew;
This same compassion, I'd show to you.
I will not kill a youkai, Man.
I would not kill one, namusan."
"You will not kill one, so you say...
So you won't see the light of day!"
"I will not kill a youkai still;
As eons pass, I never will.
They'll let me free, I know they can;
Meanwhilst I pray that you change, Man."
The Cat With the Hat
There was not any incident, and in boredom we lay,
So Marisa came by, and we drank tea all day.
But then something went SQUEAK! Oh, did that makes us freak!
A rat darted out, and we nearly did shriek!
Then we looked! And we saw her pounce on the rat!
We looked! And we saw her! The Cat With the Hat!
And she said to us, "Why do you sit there like that?
We could play some danmaku," said the Cat With the Hat.
"I'm a brand new shikigami," said the Cat With the Hat.
"I can use some fresh spellcards, and we'll have fun, at that."
But Marisa and I did not know what to say.
We were thinking this cat should just shoo, go away.
"What's that look on your faces? Am I boring to you?
In that case, here's a friend: Chen, of course, but Ran, too!"
Then a Fox With Some Locks came and span from the sky,
And of note, when she landed, she let out a sigh.
"I know not why you sought to bug them some more,
But you do have a point that today is a bore."
"Now together, we'll play," said the Cat With the Hat.
"And with Ran here, it may be I'll make you go splat!"
But the battle was halted before it began,
For a portal was opened before Chen and Ran.
"So I nap for one second, and lo, what is that?
You are crushing poor Nazrin, you silly, fat cat.
You shall do no danmaku, you shall not do it here.
Reimu's shrine would be ruined again, so I fear.
If you say "but no incidents," I say you lie;
The troubles you make in-between qualify."
"For a master of borders," the magician quipped,
"You sure do have issues keeping them whipped."
And the gap youkai glared: "Do shut up for my pleasure,
Else I rip out your tongue and your spare for good measure."
So the Cat With the Hat and the Fox With Some Locks
Went away in the gap with the Girl With the Cap.
And Marisa remarked, "Geez, all that from a mouse.
Well, I'm still pretty bored. I'mma blow up their house."
How Satori Stole Shinto
In Gensokyo, they had followed Shinto an age...
But Satori beneath them could not hold her rage!
Satori despised it! The whole Shinto shebang!
And it wasn't just 'cause she cared not for yin-yangs.
No, she hated the cycle, the Hakurei way,
That led human and youkai to fight every day!
Yet they seemed to enjoy it! And yet she knew not why!
But one day, she decided she'd kiss it goodbye!
So she sat in her bunk, and she thunk, and she thunk,
'Til she got an idea so awful it stunk!
"What a glorious plan!" And to her work she ran,
And she made the most maidenly garb in Japan!
So adorned in the outfit, all frilly and sleeved,
She was sure even Marisa would be deceived!
"All I need is a turtle" - but Satori was stumped,
For that was a hurdle not easily jumped.
Would Satori give up? No, there's story to go!
"You can walk on all fours, can't you now, Utsuho?!"
So she rode to the shrines, Moriya, Hakurei,
And she wrecked them as good at she could before day.
She broke into all houses, from shack to chateau,
And she pilfered from them every ruffle and bow.
But just as she went to the mountaintop peak,
She heard an emerger from the underground speak.
"Satori? And Okuu? Hey, what's with your clothes?
You're leaving me out of some fun, I suppose?"
And she was glad Koishi closed her third eye,
For it made it quite easy to tell her this lie:
"Oh, sister, you've caught me like such a buffoon.
We were just doing cosplay, we'll be back home soon."
Koishi was convinced (for her sister WAS weird),
So Satori could finish with no more to fear.
With adornments in tow (with, of course, names that rhymed),
Slowly but surely the mountain she climbed.
It was finally dawn by the time she was done;
She had view of the land of the old rising sun.
"Oh-hoh to Gensokyo!" she lazily yawned.
"They're finding out now that their Shinto is gone!
They're just waking up! I know just what they'll feel!
Their hearts will be saddened, they'll get down and kneel!
And both human and youkai will lamentably SQUEAL!
Those are hearts," grinned Satori, "that I simply must hear!"
So she paused, and made sure her third eye could see clear.
And she did feel their thoughts coming over the land.
And they came to expand, they turned ever so grand...
But the thoughts were not sad! Why, they were of good cheer!
It couldn't be so! They must all have had BEER!
She glared at Gensokyo! Satori's eyes popped!
And she saw such a sight that it made her heart drop!
Every human and youkai, magician and fairy,
They continued their roles, they continued them merry!
She HADN'T stopped Shinto's recurring! IT WENT!
In Gensokyo's ways, she had not made a dent!
And Satori, left feeling awestruck and aghast,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How can it still last?
It goes without gohei?! It goes without bows?!
It goes without ribbons, parasols, crows?!"
She puzzled and puzzled 'til she'd near lost her mind.
Then Satori thought something to which she'd been blind.
"Maybe Shinto," she thought, "doesn't come from a shrine.
Maybe Shinto, perhaps... isn't theirs, hers, or mine!"
And what happened then? In Gensokyo they say
That Satori's third eye opened three winks that day.
So she hurried to bring back all that which she'd stole,
And made sure that all youkai were left joyous souls.
And once done, Satori went back under to pray...
But Sanae awoke, and there was hell to pay.
Tenshi the Angel
In the sky far above, in a heavenly realm,
Tenshi the Angel thought herself at the helm.
A nice little place. It was joyous and fun.
And so high in the sky, it of course got much sun.
The Celestials had all Celestials could ask.
And in this utopia, they eternally basked.
Tenshi, though, was not so; she found all of it dull.
It was perfectly boring her out of her skull.
"I'm better," said Tenshi, "than all who I know.
But the problem, you see, is my proving it's so.
With this Keystone, I can cause some earthquakes, it's true,
But to seem as if that's all I've got shall not do.
The people below take me far, far too lightly.
I shall tower above, just as I deserve rightly!
If I could do that, oh, what might I'd command!
Both the queen of the heavens and all of the land!"
So Tenshi the Angel went down to the ground,
And she bellowed her order, a deafening sound.
She forced all of the fairies and spirits and crows
To build her a throne that up to heaven rose.
Since they had no material, their selves formed a stack.
Tenshi climbed to the top one and sat on her back.
"I can see," Tenshi cried, "all the land from this seat!
Every human and youkai whom I could soundly beat!
I'm the queen of Gensokyo, and this, they all know,
For I am so high, and they are so low!"
And all through the day, she chuckled with glee:
"Not a girl in Gensokyo can come above me!"
And indeed it was true - at least, they did not try.
But down from the bottom, there came a low sigh.
"What's that?" yelled the angel, snapped out of her daze.
And a turtle named Genji turned upward his gaze.
At the bottom he sat, and he said, "Tenshi, Queen,
I should think that by now, what you seek, you have seen."
For a moment, Queen Tenshi was taken aback.
"Shut your mouth! You will stay at the base of my stack!
What nerve of a turtle to be questioning me!
He belongs at the bottom - a dimwit is he!
What I seek," she proclaimed, "is to reach to the skies!
Then both heaven and earth will be plain to my eyes!
You can surely bring more! Make my throne higher still!
I rule all that exists, and all that ever will!"
"I see nothing to you that proves power at all,
But a Keystone that would, in fact, make your throne fall.
And your throne, it means naught, it is easily beat:
One must simply do this." Genji moved his old feet.
With this minuscule act, the throne shook and it swayed,
And the Queen's loudest shouts could not stop the cascade.
As the stack, it unstacked, Tenshi fell on her crown,
And was once again Chiko, queen of the ground.
And To Think That I Saw It On Hell's Former Streets
When Suika leaves the underground, she always bids farewell,
And adds, "If you see something cool, next time I'm here, do tell."
But when I do just what I'm told, she scoffs, "You make my day!"
She thinks it's all a fairy tale, I've had too much sake.
But things are really happening here - well, when the time is right.
These WERE the former streets of hell, where oni roamed all night.
And one night I was pacing before Suika came,
And I thought to myself, oh, now this is a shame!
There is nothing a-happening, not but one little thing,
But a fairy a-fluttering with its tiny wings.
I can't tell Suika that, she'll just think I'm a bore!
I know for a fact she'll expect something more!
But I can tell a lie, I can do that quite well:
At the least, I can say it was Cirno in hell.
Though what business had she to be wandering here?
Well, of course, hell was cold around this time of year.
And the reason for that? Well, if you didn't know,
Cirno's best of friends Letty was calling up snow.
Yes, an incident came! Hell with snowballs and sleet!
And to think that I saw that on hell's former streets!
Now that's odd, to think Letty would do such a thing.
Why would she go to hell to bring winter in spring?
Well, she said she was sent here by Yuyuko, see,
And it came to relate to the Ayakashi.
She wanted it cold here - and this is a hoot -
So there'd be plenty water to give to its roots!
Well, of course such an incident couldn't last long.
Reimu set out to settle for good this great wrong.
And on top of all that - and I say this with pride -
It was Mima herself who fought at Reimu's side!
But it was not so simple! It was almost a war!
With a polar bear youkai, a naga, and more!
And where did they come from? Well, I've got news for you!
That Yuyuko brought youkai from Former Hell Two!
Did you know that existed? No, neither did I!
And believe it or not, it is found in the sky!
It would seem the Celestials and they always fought,
So she offered - Yuyuko - to borrow the lot.
Such an intricate plot, but that's not quite the end!
There was yet one more person behind this, my friend.
Orchestrating this plot with the thinnest of silk
Was Yukari Yakumo and all of her ilk.
And as for HER intentions, who can possibly tell?
I just saw what I did on these old streets of hell!
What a story I've spun! Suika'll sure get a rise!
But I looked up and gasped - it was before my eyes!
Yes, old Letty was here and was bringing a blizzard,
And Reimu fought onward with Mima the wizard!
The pair struggled on against Yuyu's resolve,
And I knew the Yakumo just MUST be involved!
Then I heard Suika coming! And I shouted, "Hey, sis!
You won't trust it from me - you have GOTTA see THIS!"
If I Made the Touhous
In all of Gensokyo, I am sure you will find
That the brilliantest brain of them all, it is mine!
I've been treated quite poorly, been stomped on a few,
But I say I'm the strongest because it is TRUE!
And although I'm the smartest, at times I do wonder:
Do I put it to use? Oh, my ultimate blunder!
So rather than leaving my mind on the shelf,
I think I'll go ahead and make Touhou myself!
Touhou Thirteen Point Nine! Starring, naturally, me!
It will be the best game that you ever did see!
First I'll make all the music, the catchiest tunes,
Though it may take some tiny assistance from ZUN.
But I know he would surely comply with a laugh;
Any lad would be glad to be on Cirno's staff!
But what makes it so great? Why, I'm glad that you asked!
Just one part is the replay - my game, it will LAST!
Twenty stages at least, but there could be some more,
For who knows what designs my great mind has in store!
And above Lunatic, there'll be For Utter Loons;
Well, or not. I might leave that one all up to ZUN.
So the story, of course, will be epic in scale!
It won't be what you think when you think "fairy tale."
Filled with riddles and intrigue, betrayal, deceit,
I'll have all the great writers bow down at my feet!
ZUN will help me, although, on some of the facts,
As I trust he'll be just fine with having my back.
But now that's just the first game! Just you wait for the sequel,
Which my first magnum opus itself could not equal!
Every girl from all games will come back to assist,
Fitting right into place with this game's turns and twists!
And such wowing danmaku you can just barely graze...
Every second of gameplay will prove to amaze!
So how much would you love it? What was that? You said "very"?
Ah yes, nary a fairy would say the contrary!
But it did slip my mind, magnifique as it is,
That this game of my dreams could not come to exist!
I don't know how to program, as I've often lamented,
For computers are something that've not been invented!
And it's sad to admit that yes, I am not real,
So while ZUN can create, I have only my zeal.
But if you're out there, oh! All the things you can do!
So if you want this game... then you're counting on you!
In the village, before it was hidden to history,
There were tales that spoke of a curious mystery.
It was once, so they claimed, that a girl there would roam
On the land where these humans now put up their homes.
She was known as the Yorax, but one day she was gone,
And without her, the humans, well, they just moved on.
But who WAS the Yorax? And why was she there?
And why did it seem she had vanished somewhere,
And why did the humans, well, not even care?
If you wanted to know, just as one person did,
You could ask the great Akyu, even though she's a kid.
Akyu sat for a bit with her guest for some tea,
Then she tried to begin: "Well, if you're asking me,
I can tell you the things I saw some time ago,
And if I did that, it would go something like so..."
Way back in the days when this town was not here,
It was youkai that roamed there, and that was quite clear.
There were countlessly many, and countlessly kinds.
And they loved having fun. That was all on their minds.
Not all started off well, but they'd soon get on great.
They would never let fun fall victim to hate.
But the humans, you know, they just grow and they grow,
And they'll just keep on growing wherever they go.
So one day I was with some, and we found the spot,
And the others exclaimed, "We'll bring more here! A lot!"
But I watched and thought, "not with these youkai, we're not."
Alas, humans are clever, and get what they seek.
There were quite a lot more of us there in a week.
We had made an agreement for part of the land,
Thanks in part to some gifts which we'd made them by hand.
But the youkai were not quite as quick to agree
When the other side - ours - cut away all the trees.
The youkai, in truth, only humored the deal
So we humans would bring them a great human meal.
That we borrowed and so quickly ravaged their land
Was an act which the youkai would not just let stand.
But before they began on their preemptive snack,
Their leader, the Yorax, told them to hold back.
She discussed with the humans and firmly assured
That they would do no more, and stay true to that word.
So the deal went on for a little bit longer...
During which time the humans, they only grew stronger.
With just part of the land and no right to cut wood,
The humans soon filled it as much as they could.
We would have to find some way to fit both combined,
But the Yorax had quite different plans in her mind.
Now was time for the feast - something we also knew.
And although it was vile, we knew what we would do.
On that night, youkai died, in twos and in threes,
And the humans cared not if they shot any trees.
"What are you fiends DOING?!", we heard poor Yorax shout;
"We shall never forgive you! Get OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT!"
Yorax fought for her fallen all throughout the night,
But against our assault, it was not a fair fight.
She was forced to abscond, and she vanished for good,
Leaving humans to clear out the rest of the wood.
"After that," Akyu sighed, "I can tell you no more."
Then she slowly looked up. "Well, unless, of course, you're..."
Her guest there was smiling, and smiling quite wide.
Though sad, Akyu's story had warmed her inside.
"It is good that you say that. Yes, it is good,
There is one who remembers that this was once wood.
So there was one among you who noticed their ways...
I feared that there would not be by the end of my days."
The Yorax stood up and said, "You will soon know
How the story of "Yorax" leads into "Yakumo."
And this story is one that will soon come to grow
When a new land develops: a "Gensokyo.""
Houraisan Hatches the Eggs!
Sighed Aya, who stared at the newly-laid eggs,
"Owning crows is quite nice, but this part is the dregs!
I've got so much reporting and shooting to do,
How could I spare the time to just sit here and stew?
Who would waste all that time? No, I'm serious, who?"
She went asking around to see who could do best,
But not even the phoenix would sit on no nest.
And yet as luck would have it - if you would call it luck -
In the very same forest, opportunity struck.
"Hello, Princess Kaguya!" Aya said brightly,
"I had heard you came 'round about these parts near-nightly.
So I thought I would ask you if you would take these -"
And she shouted, "That's perfect! I'll buy them, uh, please!"
Aya paused, but for yen, she would never refuse,
So she sold the whole load to the princess recluse.
Houraisan took them home and was ready to cook,
But before she got cracking, took a more careful look.
"These look weird," she observed, "I'm not sure these are right.
At the least, they're not like what I saw on that site."
So she researched some more and she soon came to know,
"Holy bullets! These eggs look like eggs from a crow!"
"That's DISGUSTING!" she spat. "Aya sold me her KIDS?!
Or does she even lay eggs...? Oh geez, god forbid.
But the point is, if she wants these hatched, I'm no mom!
They can't teach me to parent on answers.com!"
But she figured at that point that she was quite stuck.
No one wanted the job - she just had the worst luck.
"But how DO I hatch egg?" She puzzled a bit.
"I'm an expert at sitting, but that can't be quite it...
And even if it is, I'm just me, and there's tons!
I'm having such trouble before I've even begun..."
So she went to ask Reisen if she could lend help,
But she shook her head solemnly, muttering "Welp...
All an egg really needs is some warmth, I suppose,
But just right, and consistent. So... so much for those crows."
She was saddened - no reason to be so attached,
But she'd thought up good names to give each when they hatched.
Once returned to her room, she was given a scare:
She looked for the eggs here, but she found them down there.
Down there... with her laptop... which radiated heat!
"Then... AHA! The job's perfect for the life of a NEET!"
The princess pried open her main tower's case,
And inside, each egg, labeled, was lovingly placed.
She modded a hole for the young crows to flee,
And for quite a few months, she could just let it be.
And she did, but one night, Eientei was quite loud,
So she went out to see what was causing the crowd.
New earth rabbits were birthed, which was no special thing...
But the babies had hatched, and they all had black wings.
Tewi watched with amazement as they flew through the sky,
And then she saw Kaguya. "Um, ahaha... hi?"
Reisen knew the moon princess, and knew her plan'd flop,
So she sent stealthy rabbits to make a quick swap.
The eggs were raised right while Kaguya's fakes burned...
Though the crow-rabbit babies were cause for concern.
Kaguya took this in, then exclaimed with a shout:
"Well, I think NOW I get what that "Easter"'s about!"
Miss Scarlet's Lake
"You must think you're one real special snowflake
If you think you can catch something new in that lake!"
Cirno sat there annoyed: "Oh, you shut your mouth, Dai!
Here's a lake, I've a rod! So why shouldn't I try?!
I mean sure, all the fish I've seen aren't all that tasty,
But I had an idea, so don't be so hasty..."
I may live on this lake, but I've never gone deep.
And if deep it does go, who knows WHAT down there sleeps?
(Though since it's by the mansion, that gives me the creeps...)
So what lies down below, well, we can't say for sure!
You still think I'm a fool to have let down my lure?
And if we don't know that, then what else don't we know?
The extent of this lake might not be Gensokyo!
It must connect somewhere, so it occurred to me,
And where else could that be but the great big blue sea!
Fish could cross the great border just to hook on my line!
And I'd have quite a feast! Why, for weeks I could dine!
"And with all the world's oceans a-headed my way,
I could catch brand new species! Who knows what I may?
Like sunfish... and blue fish... and red fish... and oarfish?"
Cirno's creative skills had always been poorish.
"Yeah, whatever you say," Daiyousei sneered.
"I'm sure they're just hiding, and have been for years."
Cirno folded her arms, and mumbled, "I guess..."
Dai was right - but that she was wrong, she'd not confess.
But she said, though aware she was likely mistaken,
"Well, when I catch a catfish, we'll see who's the one shaken!"
Reimu the Big-Hearted Maiden
At the Hakurei Shrine, near the border or so,
Lives the shrine maiden Reimu, as I'm sure you must know.
And she sits there all day and she sips on her tea
Just as long as there's no sign of calamity.
Often Suika comes by, as she did on this day,
And she's gladly permitted, whenever, to stay.
Reimu would be hard-pressed to dare turn down a guest,
Plus she does enjoy company, even from pests.
So this day, Suika said, "Since you're really so kind,
Between downing my sake, a thought came to mind.
It's all well and good, peaceful drinking with you,
But I've got a few friends who I'm sure'd like to too."
Reimu knew this would end ill, and come at great price.
But she did not refuse. As was said, she's too nice.
So a little bit later, Yuugi came on around.
And she gasped, "Man, there's nothing like this underground!"
It's not anything fancy, Reimu honestly thought.
But she'd let her guests use it, palace or not.
After several drinks' time, Yuugi had this to say:
"So I talked about this to some friends on the way..."
And that's when Reimu KNEW she would have a bad day.
First came a spider who webbed up the walls,
Then a kappa who lived near the base of the falls.
Aya brought crows in murders that blocked out the sun,
Which allowed Mistress Scarlet to come have some fun.
Next was Tewi, then Unzan, then Orange, then Chen...
Reimu knew she would not let this happen again.
She looked on at the fully-packed shrine, still in awe,
But when Cirno came over, she brought the last straw:
"I heard this was a party, and to bring all my buds!
So can these guys -" Then fairies arrived in a flood.
Reimu fled from the crowd - how could she set THIS right?
She would have to find somewhere to stay for the night.
But a figure in black, in the sky, in the dark,
Flew above her and shouted, "Aha! MASTER SPARK!"
So the party was crashed, and Marisa was pleased,
Although when she saw Reimu, for a moment, she freezed.
Reimu, though, was just fine with her now-collapsed shrine;
You should be kind to guests, but not so much to swine.
Alice Hears A Doll!
In a hut hidden deep in the Forest of Magic,
A magician named Alice lived a life somewhat tragic.
She was never too good at making new friends;
She always had trouble keeping up on her end.
This being the case, at most times, though not all,
She would rather stay in and would talk to her dolls.
Alice knew this was odd, but she didn't care, much.
She was mostly just gleaning amusement from such.
To imagine that they were alive was her play,
But that's not to say she didn't treat them that way.
She would stand for one thing, and she'd stand for it tall:
"A person's a person, but so is a doll!"
And one day, as she stayed inside once more by choice,
Alice thought she was hearing a faintly-heard voice.
She glanced all 'round the room, and her interest was piqued
By a new Shanghai doll - one that seemed it could speak!
"I'm not sure why her voice is so terribly small,
But this doll seems more person than any and all!"
Alice checked the doll over, and so too her own ears.
It was motionless, yes, but not mute - that was clear.
"I can't quite make out if she's asking requests,
But at least, I should treat her as one of my guests!"
And treat her she did, with crumpets and tea,
Which Marisa observed from behind a large tree.
"What is WRONG with that girl? Having tea with a puppet?!
If she's really that nuts, I should take and blow up it!"
So when Alice grew tired, and bid her guest good night,
The witch snuck in and pilfered all Shanghais in sight.
And as she flew back home, she dropped dolls in a trail,
Which she knew her friend Alice would see without fail.
Alice woke up an hour or five after dawn,
But then shouted, alarmed: "Ahh! The doll! Where's she GONE?!"
So she hurried on outside in search of her guest,
And then noticed the Shanghais. "And there's all the rest!
Some fiend must have come to abduct that poor doll!
But... Which one of these is it?! I can't check them all!"
But in no time, she realized a fact that brought calm:
"All of MY dolls, not that one, will light like a bomb!"
So she lit every one, let the gunpowder blow;
It was kind of a waste, though she saved all the bows.
(And no, no trees were harmed. She's quite careful, you know.)
By the time she had blown up near every last one,
She had realized the path along which the dolls run.
So she figured it better to skip to the witch,
And just ask her herself why she'd been such a... snitch.
There Marisa was waiting, and Alice began:
"Why'd you steal my dolls? What on earth is your plan?!"
"Why did you blow them up?" the black witch thought to say,
But she wanted to make her intent clear as day.
"Look, I'm so sorry, Alice. To have fooled you was folly.
See, that "talking doll" is -" "Medicine Melancholy?!"
"What? No, that'd be dumb, and fairly inane.
What the truth is is, well... a bit hard to explain.
There's these things Kourin has that can play back a sound,
And I got quite a thought (for which I'm so renowned).
I recorded some lines which I thought'd do the deed,
And disguised it with one of those Unknown Form Seeds!"
"Uh, I get HALF of that," she said, in disarray,
"But what "deed" do you mean? What words did you say?"
"Here's a few I remember..." Marisa replied:
"Alice, make friends!" "Alice, please go outside!"
"It's all well and good having fun with a doll,
But a PERSON's a person... so..."
"...Gimme a call?"
I Had Incidents Heading On My Way to Tea
I was having a pretty good day at the shrine,
But I didn't have too much to do with my time.
I heard Reimu would sometimes invite over friends,
But since everyone's pals, I knew how THAT would end.
Then Suwako came up and brought good news to me,
That Yukari'd invited a choice few to tea.
While I questioned why she couldn't gap her guests there,
I headed on out, but my question was, where?
I had heard "Mayohiga," or else "on the border,"
But I wanted directions - those did not fill the order.
How to reach either place, I knew nothing about,
So I guessed it'd be best to just keep heading... out.
As I flew, I asked passersby, what might they know?
But my flight was disturbed by a stray UFO!
Well, "stray" isn't quite right; in the blink of an eye,
A strange alien riding a whole fleet zoomed by!
I was dazed, and I knew that SOME thing was afoot,
But I had tea to catch - out of mind, it was put.
Then I heard quite a fight stirring in the bamboo;
It seemed Mokou was having an incident too!
I had flown quite a ways and was starting to tire,
But had no time to rest - since I got set on fire.
As I stopped, dropped, and rolled (after quite a high drop),
Mokou swore she was sorry, though the fight didn't stop.
Once recovered from that, I was in Eientei,
Which is NOT where to be if you don't know your way.
I pushed on through rabbits and a few rabbit-crows...
I don't want to know what was the story with those.
After all of that hassle, I was sure I'd be late,
But regardless, I turned "out" and flew ahead straight.
Though I got somewhat lost (yes, along a straight line),
I at last found the maiden of our rival shrine.
She asked me what business I had near the border,
As she was just getting her own things in order.
So I told her I had been invited for tea,
But she looked at me puzzled, which too puzzled me.
To her knowledge, she said, I had NOT been invited;
She supposed I just heard it and got too excited.
And she didn't stay long, she did not have all day;
She ran into some incidents too on her way.
So I felt quite defeated, as anyone would,
But at least I came back to tea almost as good.
So yes, incidents happened - that's what incidents do.
They could happen to her, or to me, or to you.
But I made up my mind as I put down my tea...
Soon those incidents all would have trouble with me!
The Fairy Fracas Fable
I saw three fairies scurrying while I was out;
When they caught sight of me, though, they gave me a shout.
"Little rain fairy, run! It's not safe here for you!"
But I just had to ask them - "Huh? What did you do?"
"What did we DO?!" the sun fairy gawked.
"For some puddle-y fairy, you're sure one to talk!
Look, I know we're mischievous, but who ever said
That we couldn't be minding our business instead?!"
But the moon fairy cut in: "We HAVE done a wrong.
Let's find somewhere to hide, for this might get quite long..."
Now, you may be aware of the Great Fairy "War,"
Though its fighters, in total, came out to just four.
As a war amongst fairies, 'twas quickly resolved;
Things worked out quite well for all parties involved.
Yes, we ended up being some pretty good pals.
(The war did not terribly tax our morales.)
But a fairy's a fairy, there's no changing that.
We could not just be friends who at times liked to chat.
We still had to be rivals. And as rivals, we fought,
Just a fun spellcard battle each night - so we thought.
Though when tasked with revenge Cirno beat us down flat,
When just fighting for fun, she could not come near that.
So when once, she produced a tough fireball card,
To suppose there was foul play afoot was not hard.
While she ended up winning, we'd not let it stand,
And we found that Patchouli had lent her a hand.
But as fairies, we figured some foul play was good;
We would just do it BETTER than her, that we would.
We split up and sweet-talked the youkai we knew,
And simple as that, their attacks were ours too.
So in no time, a bounty of spellcards we'd won,
Thus proving three fairies were better than one.
Yet when time came to battle, our jaws hit the floor;
Cirno had all our spellcards! And plus a few more!
It was closer than last time, but we still could not win;
All our effort was wasted, much to our chagrin.
But Star had an idea, which she told with aplomb;
She knew the best way to prove we were the bomb!
All the youkai we'd pilfered were more or less tame,
And since Cirno had our stuff, she'd talked to the same.
But to beat her, we'd go where no fairy dared go...
We would steal the spellcards right off Utsuho!
And we did. It was harrowing, that's all I'll say.
But the story for that must be some other day.
So tonight, as we readied our nuclear sun,
We were shocked once again to see two, not just one!
Cirno had the same cards! She had done it again!
We knew something was really and truly up, then!
"We gave all of our might to find spellcards this rare!
Why do you have our cards?! That's BEYOND just "not fair"!"
"Unlike you," Cirno gloated, "I've got brains with my brawn!
There was only one youkai I needed to con!
Just Satori! She taught me, and I learned it fast!
I can COPY your worst!" she revealed at last.
We were livid. She snickered, "Be careful! Oh, gee!
Who's going to throw it?! Will I... or will -" "WE!"
And whoever suggested the Forest of Magic...
Well, THAT was a move turned decidedly tragic.
As ill timing would have it, the witch had a guest.
It was Mima, in fact - a fact we can attest,
For once our sun blew up, the two came from the wreck,
And they swore with a shout they'd be having our necks!
"That's why you must run," Luna finished the tale.
"Yes, we're hiding, but likely it's to no avail!
We've gotten them angry! For death we've been marked!
So get going before they use twin Master Spar -"
The 500 Hats of Rinnosuke Morichika
Rinnosuke was bored. No one came by the store.
Just to open and close it each day seemed a chore.
He was not too sure why; even mayhap his wares
Were thought too commonplace, at least males were rare.
In the end, he decided his problem was that
Unlike all of the girls, he did not have a hat.
Now, just getting a hat would be easy enough.
But he wanted a hat that would make him look tough,
And show youkai he wouldn't be taking no guff.
So he searched far and wide, looking down and around,
And he found such a hat laying flat on the ground.
"This is fancy - not too much - and fits me just right!"
He went back to the store with a face in delight.
But when night rolled around and the time came for bed,
And he reached up to take the hat off of his head,
It seemed on rather tight, and it took quite a tug,
But once off, Rinnosuke just gave it a shrug.
And he lay down to bed, but on top of his hair,
That hat he had held in his hands was still there!
"Oh, I get it," he laughed. "A hat in a hat!
I've got Russian dolls made exactly like that.
So I picked up TWO hats... Now, that works out quite well.
I suppose I can put out the other to sell."
So he pulled the hat off, then exclaimed, "Oh my word!
Don't tell me... the second one covered a third?!"
He kept pulling off hats deeper into the night,
And after enough, he sighed, "This can't be right!
The dolls have a limit, toward which each layer shrinks,
But these hats are exactly the same... well, I think!"
He was glad they would make him a fair bit of money,
But he wanted it stopped; this was no longer funny.
So he went to Marisa's, quite a late-at-night visit,
And he asked in despair, "Do you see this? What is it?!
See this one... and this one... and this one... and that!
(FYI, that's the two hundred thirty-third hat!)"
But she had no explanation, and solutions, still nary,
Though she tagged along for all the hats she could carry.
The two of them spent their night flying around,
But no girl seemed to know, and no answers were found,
As poor Kourin kept spilling more hats on the ground.
If Alice, Patchouli, the works could not tell,
Then just what was this magic? What kind of a spell?
It had to be broken - his hair'd start to smell.
They went back to the shop, and with no other clue,
Just decided to do the one thing they could do.
They began taking hats off his head as a team;
For the most part, with very-carefully-aimed beams.
But at four-ninety-six, something seemed to be wrong:
"That one's different! As a matter of fact, that one's Hong's!"
They pulled that one off, and it happened again;
Patchouli's was there, and after that, Chen.
And four-ninety-nine was a black witch's hat -
"Hey, you thief! What're you trying to pull?! Gimme that!"
She pulled on it hard, and out came quite a sight;
Yukari with hands on her hat, clutching tight.
Her cheeks rivaled Scarlet for being so red,
And Kourin took a parasol-whack to the head.
She stormed out of the store without saying a word,
And the incident was, from that point, never heard.
So no one quite knew just what happened that day...
And it seemed it would likely be staying that way.
Oh, the Youkai You'll Know!
It is time at last, Reimu! And this time is now yours.
You're a bona-fide Hakurei maiden, for sure.
Now that you are you, Reimu, you can do as you like.
It's the day you've been wanting since you were a tyke.
You have power within, and it's all where it counts;
You'll be making good friends in excessive amounts.
You will fly through the skies - maybe not yourself, yet -
But however you fly, you'll fly smartly, we bet.
You'll see humans and youkai, but mostly the latter,
And will fly up to them to ensue in some chatter.
While you may find that some are inclined to a fight...
Well, it's all up to you to decide what is right.
Oh, the youkai you'll know! You'll be knowing them well!
In the clouds, in the forests, and in various hells.
But they're not all so nice, there are naughty ones too,
And we're counting on you to know which ones are who.
That's your job as a girl of the Hakurei clan,
So we hope that you do the best job that you can.
There'll be incidents out there, whatever you do,
And it's true that their cleanup is mostly on you.
But just like we've been saying, you'll have all of your friends,
And might even have new ones come time that it ends.
So although it's a nuisance, it's the best of all kinds:
The kind that puts hate in the past and behind.
And who better to do this than capable you?
You'll meet some on your level, but awfully few.
Yes, you'll stand at the top, in the toppest percents,
As the one one can count on in all incidents.
Your maidenly duties will earn you much fame.
You'll have all of Gensokyo adoring your name!
Except when you won't. Which will be quite a shame.
We're sorry to say, but you will find some foes.
At one time or another, they'll comes and they'll goes.
You might have to fight them, but at least let them speak,
And you could get along by the same time next week.
Although yes, they could bother you time and again;
Just decide what you like when the time comes to then.
There may also be times when you're not up to snuff,
The danmaku so fierce that your bombs aren't enough.
And you might ask yourself, now which way do I stream?
What on earth can I graze here? You may want to scream.
But scream you will not, because your heart is strong.
You should trust, just like us, it will not steer you wrong.
Yet if you get so lost that you can't see the moon,
You could stray to a most awful path very soon.
If you shirked from your duty and sat at the shrine?
Well, now that would just waste all of everyone's time.
Why give up when you have so much else you can give?
We know you are your own, but that's not how to live.
So then, will you prevail? Yes indeed, without fail!
(And if not, then we're sure you'll still leave a great tale.)
Well, enough about that now! Your whole life awaits!
It's about time you went and caught up to the greats.
You will travel the land, jumping there, to, and fro,
Just as some do the same - oh, the youkai you'll know!
Are you ready now, Reimu? You must get on your way!
The sun's just coming up! So... go have a great day!
What's that you say? So you want to go back?
Just ask Exit Mouse Nazrin, 'cause she's got a knack.