Let's Play Golden Sun Dark Dawn: Chapter 34

Running a quick analysis on these runes, it's plain to see that they direct us to 852 Theodore Roosevelt Road. But DAAAAA can't figure that out, so I guess we'll have to do this the long way.

So first we gotta Move a yellow orb off a pedestal to BRING BACK THE POWER OF EARTH which actually just activates some buttons so we can open stuff.

Hmm... yeah, I'd say we're pretty far from Mt. Alf by now. Welp.

Then we gotta do the same thing with Whirlwinding a purple orb to BRING BACK THE POWER OF WIND, but at least doing that activates some fans which are obviously much more related to the element.

Oh yeah, since I guess I forgot to screenshot them back when they were actually flowers instead of the more abstract magic blue tiles, there's these things that you can Whirlwind to send up into the air and make into platforms. Sure, that makes sense.

So it turns out those fans we activated were actually fan elevators that just activate as soon as we step on them. ...Sure, that makes sense. (Also, what's with these literally-funky goddess statues?)

Our ultimate goal here was to push down three "petal" blocks from upper levels so we could push a total of four of them into place in this picture. Those are some sturdy petal blocks.

Mother will be awakened to grant us the Handy Scanner.

I'm not even supposed to be here toDAAAAAy!

DAAAAA does not appear to enjoy books.


So we get a Glyph Book and can now read the glyphs of... the ancients, I guess? Also while this scene would seem to imply DAAAAA actually MENTALLY DOWNLOADED the language, everything else says that he's just consulting the book really fast. You know you'll never truly learn the language that way, DAAAAA.

Oh well that was my second guess.

Ah, put both hands out - babe, Catch Beads for me.

After riding the flower up to the top floor, we come across a chest with a Grip Crystal which lets DAAAAA use Grip. I know there's a reference to be made in how the animation looks (DAAAAA basically just slides through the air in that pose) but I honestly can't remember.

Unsurprisingly (though I honestly wouldn't have been too surprised if it had just been earth and wind), there's a fire orb you have to Fireball too.

Activating said orb makes certain blocks explodable via Fireball. Uh... yeah.

Then we blow up a block near the entrance and take some stairs down to a cave. What are we doing here, again?

Deeper in, we find a huge vortex and oh hey it's Mi... wait, Nowell? Dude, if you weren't in that ridiculous getup you would literally be your mother. And if Mia ISN'T your mother, then what the hell are you trying to pull, Camelot?

Smug old stupid jerk.

Anyway, the two of them go on about how we're not here yet because it's so hard to get here while not noticing that we ARE here, which would seem to indicate that Nowell is approximately as dumb as Kraden. What a journey lies ahead of us.

There's also Rief who's Nowell's brother or something and is clearly going to die in mere seconds. Note that he doesn't even have a portrait.

Rief starts getting pulled in but manages to get away because these are the worst black holes ever. Kraden notes that, through his million-year-old ears, he heard a machine or something.

Why, with eyes that good, Nowell must know Reveal!

Nowell goes down to take a look at the machine in front of the vortex BUT OH NO

(Yes, those two are kinda just floating.)

We beat up these STEALTHY SOLDIERS and everyone introduces themselves and etc. but then Karis notices...

What'd I tell you? Dead in SECONDS.

Suddenly two MYSTERIOUS EVIL VOICES start gloating about how they took Rief. Holding ransom someone who no one really cares about is truly a Golden Sun staple. Not-Alex then asks DAAAAA about the Glyph Book.

DAAAAA? Speak? Respond? Show emotion? Sorry, man, gotta let you down there.

Not-Alex's New Best Friend seems to be catching on quicker than most Golden Sun characters.

...Exceeept he grows impatient and, much like the world's-fastest-unmasking of Felix in Golden Sun, immediately reveals himself and Not-Alex. Also, Alex is wearing HALF of a mask. HALF. Also, New Best Friend's name is Blados.

This guy are terrible at being villains.

Blados explains in excruiciating detail how he's going to tie up Rief and drop him off at the cave entrance, except then points out for everyone that there are two cave entrances so it could be either, but explains how that's not a problem because we have two parties so we can split up, and in fact decides for us which party should go to which entrance.

Basically, he wants to make absolutely sure we don't mess up. Gee, I wonder if that could be because they want us to play into their trap? NO. That would NEVER happen in a Golden Sun game.

DAAAAA is certainly bewildered by all this.

Look, stupid-name, you're not helping.

No I'm pretty sure you forgot Rief was even there simply because you're a terrible father teacher person.

Kraden and Nowell go out the exit, but before they do, Kraden, being the Huge King of Jerk Mountain he is, suddenly claims something that we have seem no evidence for whatsoever and that I doubt he has either: that the vortex will be larger by the time we return, thus making it impossible to take their path and we'll have to go through a goddamn mountain or something HAVE FUN.

Because people like Kraden are involved, obviously.

I hate everything that is going on here. Absolutely all of it.

So we head to the south cave entrance and it turns out the real reason we're going to be railroaded a certain way we won't be able to return to take the path Kraden did is because Not-Alex and his Super Stealthy Soldier Squad found those two switches that, when flicked simulataneously, activated explosives placed behind a bunch of rocks placed above a passageway. DASTARDLY.

Tyrell, I really wouldn't worry about Blados making advances on Karis. Not that it helps your chances with her or any other women, though.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

I LOVE bizarre crates!

...Well, when they have useful things inside, at least. Bleh. (And yes, Rief's appearance made the party jump backwards sans any animation.)

What? Uh, no, not really, seeing as Kraden already gave us a bogus reason for why we couldn't do so which we were forced to believe, then you collapsed the entrance, which we fully realized the implications of pretty much the moment you -

...Y... yeah. You sure did. Way to go. Sigh.

Also while gloating to us he literally says out loud he needs us to "play our parts" and the party even notices as such. Could there BE any worse of a villain.

He and his Stealthy Squad leave and we discuss what we need to do to cross the mountains blah blah blah.

Welp. I forgot to screenshot it, but he spontaneously gained a portrait earlier in the conversation. Dirty trick, Camelot. But I guess it was too much to hope for that we'd get the slightly more competent-looking of the two Water Adepts.

We head over through some "ruin city" that exists solely to make preparations for climbing the mountain. Fine, whatever.

Gary taught Tyrell never to trust city-slickers because he had a bad experience in Saffron City.

I hope nobody thought they were being at all clever here.

Well, uh, guess we're gonna climb a mountain, then.

Chapter 35